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Last night I had another vibrant, realistic dream. It spanned so many scenes I cannot begin to write it all down. Most important was the hug. More important than the blood on the walls, the strange island or the half green person wanting me to dig a grave. It made me really consider where I have stood in my apathy these past three years.
I was floating in the green water of an ocean or sea not too far from land. There was some mission I needed to get to but I was content floating toward it. Getting there in my own time. Over the water flew a man, I knew he was different because, well, frankly because he was flying. He asked why I was just floating when I needed to get to this place and I nonchalantly replied "I'll get there eventually." and did a lazy backstroke.
He gently plucked me from the water into the air. The friends I hadn't known were around me watched as we climbed through the air and with the weightlessness I let my dangling legs drift up with us to settle around his hips.
My arms around his neck, his arms around my waist we held each other in a light embrace. It was as if we were suspended in water, not rushing air.
I sighed and asked "Why can't we just stay like this forever?"
It occurred to me when I awoke and felt lonely that I haven't been hugged without fear of falling in a very long time.
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Saturday, December 7, 2013
The Principal Resurfaces
I haven't heard from The Principal since the middle of summer when I last called him, drunkenly, and suggested he start dating. I admit he took it like a man when I laughed at him for mentioning we meet up for a vacation and swiftly got off the phone. I neatly placed him in the "Do not Disturb" file and went about my life.
Until September when I drunkenly texted him:
Been thinking about you lately. Hope you are doing well.
I know I should be shot and let sleeping dogs lay and all that but I was lonely and stupid. I was, however, smart enough to suspect he couldn't receive my message or wouldn't be bothered to reply. And I was 100% ok with that.
Two weeks later........ Email from the Principal:
Hello there. Not sure if you got my message. Sorry for delay but was in the Congo and only got the text when I got back to South Africa. So you were thinking about me? What were you thinking? I'm kidding. Thought about you many a time. Hope all is going well with marketing for old people living:) pics below are how I spent my birthday!
I looked at his shit eating grin and kind of wanted to smack him. Glad you're having fun being single while all I really want to do is curl up next to someone when I go to bed and eat out more.
Me:
I didn't get your message, didn't really expect a response because I wasn't sure if you could receive texts. Had just been thinking about you a lot and figured I would say hi.
Looks like you caught the world's ugliest fish there! How's everything going with the job?
My building is still in progress, delayed till mid-December. I've been helping with some of their other projects. It has been a strange start, but I am learning a lot which will be an asset as I move up with this company or another.
Other than that, my Mom is back in Iowa, Meghan is in Puerto Rico shooting a movie with John Cusack.
Principal:
I get texts but for some reason I can't send. That is a beautiful fish! Guy holding it even more so ;) It's a Dorado also known as mahi-mahi.
Job is good, stressful but good. Have senior vp's telling me I'm doing fantastic stuff and keep it up. I'd rather they said with $ than compliments ;)
Glad to hear you are at least getting some good learning on the job. If I knew more seniors I'd have them call you.
John Cusack in Puerto Rico? What a dull life she has:) hope you take advantage and have a little holiday there!
Anyway, miss you, all the best. If you download whatsapp on phone then I can reply
PS
Any good plans for New Year's Eve?
Why the hell would he want to know what I'm doing for New Year's? Is this a jab because I broke up with him on New Year's Day nearly 3 years ago? He's really not that good at piecing things together....
Me:
Mahi mahi is one of my favorite fish, but I never have to look it in the face!
Glad things are going well and you look happy on your birthday trip. I'm sure you'll be running that company before long.
I need more seniors so if you know any send them my way! We have some great residents on board but construction delays have put us out to opening in December. I wish I had the time to visit Meghan... she sends such tantalizing pics from the beach which makes me want to maim her. Hoping to spend Thanksgiving in either LA, if her shoot runs long, or Iowa if not. No more wedding, they are getting divorced. Loooong story. No plans for New Year's other than sweat pants and too many animals :-) Miss you too.
Eh, why not be honest. It's an email so what can it hurt?
Principal:
Well since you have no plans I invite you to be with me. Here are the necessities.
1. You will need a passport
2. You will have to pack bags
3. You will have to find an animal sitter
I can't tell you where cuz that would spoil the sense of adventure but I will say this. If u accept u will be given a plane ticket, round trip as I would never leave you stranded:) then all you have to do is go to the airport and board a plane. Simple
I don't hold my breath in anticipation that you will say yes but it would be oh so great to see you and spend some time together. I know it's extravagant maybe mysterious and I'm being coy but why not take a leap of faith and know that we will have a fantastic time.
What the WHAT? I will so not go to South Africa if that is what he's suggesting. But... it has been on my New Year's resolution list forever to leave the country and he had said before he left we could meet up in Ireland or someplace in Europe. Could he really mean he would pay for everything and I would get my wish fulfilled?
Me:
I am surprised and intrigued by your mysterious offer.
I would need to know the following in order to make an informed decision:
1) Travel time required 1 way
2) Length of time for the entire trip
3) Climate
Until September when I drunkenly texted him:
Been thinking about you lately. Hope you are doing well.
I know I should be shot and let sleeping dogs lay and all that but I was lonely and stupid. I was, however, smart enough to suspect he couldn't receive my message or wouldn't be bothered to reply. And I was 100% ok with that.
Two weeks later........ Email from the Principal:
Hello there. Not sure if you got my message. Sorry for delay but was in the Congo and only got the text when I got back to South Africa. So you were thinking about me? What were you thinking? I'm kidding. Thought about you many a time. Hope all is going well with marketing for old people living:) pics below are how I spent my birthday!
I looked at his shit eating grin and kind of wanted to smack him. Glad you're having fun being single while all I really want to do is curl up next to someone when I go to bed and eat out more.
Me:
I didn't get your message, didn't really expect a response because I wasn't sure if you could receive texts. Had just been thinking about you a lot and figured I would say hi.
Looks like you caught the world's ugliest fish there! How's everything going with the job?
My building is still in progress, delayed till mid-December. I've been helping with some of their other projects. It has been a strange start, but I am learning a lot which will be an asset as I move up with this company or another.
Other than that, my Mom is back in Iowa, Meghan is in Puerto Rico shooting a movie with John Cusack.
Principal:
I get texts but for some reason I can't send. That is a beautiful fish! Guy holding it even more so ;) It's a Dorado also known as mahi-mahi.
Job is good, stressful but good. Have senior vp's telling me I'm doing fantastic stuff and keep it up. I'd rather they said with $ than compliments ;)
Glad to hear you are at least getting some good learning on the job. If I knew more seniors I'd have them call you.
John Cusack in Puerto Rico? What a dull life she has:) hope you take advantage and have a little holiday there!
Anyway, miss you, all the best. If you download whatsapp on phone then I can reply
PS
Any good plans for New Year's Eve?
Why the hell would he want to know what I'm doing for New Year's? Is this a jab because I broke up with him on New Year's Day nearly 3 years ago? He's really not that good at piecing things together....
Me:
Mahi mahi is one of my favorite fish, but I never have to look it in the face!
Glad things are going well and you look happy on your birthday trip. I'm sure you'll be running that company before long.
I need more seniors so if you know any send them my way! We have some great residents on board but construction delays have put us out to opening in December. I wish I had the time to visit Meghan... she sends such tantalizing pics from the beach which makes me want to maim her. Hoping to spend Thanksgiving in either LA, if her shoot runs long, or Iowa if not. No more wedding, they are getting divorced. Loooong story. No plans for New Year's other than sweat pants and too many animals :-) Miss you too.
Eh, why not be honest. It's an email so what can it hurt?
Principal:
Well since you have no plans I invite you to be with me. Here are the necessities.
1. You will need a passport
2. You will have to pack bags
3. You will have to find an animal sitter
I can't tell you where cuz that would spoil the sense of adventure but I will say this. If u accept u will be given a plane ticket, round trip as I would never leave you stranded:) then all you have to do is go to the airport and board a plane. Simple
I don't hold my breath in anticipation that you will say yes but it would be oh so great to see you and spend some time together. I know it's extravagant maybe mysterious and I'm being coy but why not take a leap of faith and know that we will have a fantastic time.
What the WHAT? I will so not go to South Africa if that is what he's suggesting. But... it has been on my New Year's resolution list forever to leave the country and he had said before he left we could meet up in Ireland or someplace in Europe. Could he really mean he would pay for everything and I would get my wish fulfilled?
Me:
I am surprised and intrigued by your mysterious offer.
I would need to know the following in order to make an informed decision:
1) Travel time required 1 way
2) Length of time for the entire trip
3) Climate
Principal:
I can only say 5-6 days. Anything more would just be giving it away. However if you become insistent I may fold. But then again I may not ;)
Me:
I will have to be insistent about the flight time and climate.... I would need to know how to pack. If it sways you at all to give in and share more... I am considering this.
And a week goes by without a word. I'm checking my email throughout the day feeling like a moron because he ALWAYS does this to me!
Principal:
Ok I'm caving in. Would have been sooner but jeez have things gotten busy. I will be in Europe, probably Paris. It will be cold but not that bad. And yes it is a lengthy flight.
So I began to feel excited... I could finally get to see some of Europe! Granted it's a short trip but I haven't taken a vacation longer than 4 days in years. I glance over the computer screen to see Julie eyeing me critically and immediately asks what's up.
Me: Ummm... I've been emailing The Principal.
Julie: And what the hell does that little asshole want now? Is he still in South America?
Me: It's South Africa, totally different continent much further away.
Julie: Whatever. He's still an asshole. What does he want?
Me: He's offered to pay for a trip to Europe for New Year's. He said all I have to do is get a passport, pack and get on a plane.
She narrows her eyes at me.
Julie: And what if you go over there and he breaks your heart all over again?
Me: It's not like that... It will just be a platonic vacation.
Julie: (rolling her eyes) Right.
Me: It's not like I'll actually go... I can't take that much time off work so close to our opening.
Julie: F that! You're going! You never take any time for yourself.
Me:
Definitely considering this. Andrea has already approved me taking the time if I decide to go but I need some more details..... Dates and such.
Principal:
Leave on the 29th arrive on the 30th. Then back home on 3rd or 4th. Either one you are back in phx same day just late like 9pm. So you take that week off and no worries. If yes then need all your details cuz I have a shit memory
Address
DOB
Phone
Passport ID
And so I sent him my deets, took the time off work and I AM GOING TO PARIS!!!!
The Restaurateur
During my online attempts to find love- wait no- companionship.... wait, no- a single male... ah, fuck it.
Anyway, this online guy starts texting me. His profile is pretty standard: Loves family, wants to meet Miss Right to settle down with, spends every Sunday engrossed in football. He seems nice except he texts a lot and seeing as how I have a work phone that gets more action than my personal phone I had been sort of ignoring him. Yet, he still wants to meet me.
I leave straight from work in a nice dress, the polka dot one evil people call The Baseball dress, tights and boots. I'm really wishing we weren't meeting at a Catina type place so I wouldn't feel over dressed but maybe looking nice will score me some points. Who knows? It isn't like I'm going to trek all the way home just to change so this what he'll get.
I spot him right away at a table and head over. Quick side hug and order a beer. He's really tall. Plus. A little on the husky side but good smile. Plus. Seems pretty confident but not cocky. Good sign.
I'm surprisingly not uncomfortable...
This guy does most of the talking, which works for me. He and his family own and operate a couple sandich shops on the west side and planning to open up a third. Very business focused but loves to go out, laugh and have fun. Very into his family and looking to start his own sometime in the future.
We had two drinks and I needed to get home to the animal horde. He was very gentlemanly by walking me to my car, nice hug and asked to see me again. While I wasn't lusting after him I thought he was definitely the type of person I would enjoy being around.
Texting back and forth he decided on a fancy restaurant for our next date. I mean really fancy... like waiters in tuxes who call you by your name when they arrive at your table and recommend a proper bottle of wine fancy. I tried to breathe. Do I tell him I'm more of a dive bar girl? Did dressing too nice set a bad example of who I am: The Girl Who Thinks Sweat Pants Should Be Classified as Acceptable Going Out Clothes....?
It was a lovely meal. He had been thoughtful enough to choose a place that specialized in seafood so I would have plenty to pick from. We ordered beer instead of wine because he listened when I talked about how allergic I am to sulfites. He asked questions. In the end he walked me to the elevator at the parking garage and gave me a very nice kiss. It did not melt my bones or make me want to jump him but I found myself thinking I wouldn't mind doing that again.
He even called me later to make sure I got home ok. Such a sweet guy.
But....
But he seemed to be doing a lot of fast tracking. Talking about if we were together at Thanksgiving or Christmas. Inviting me to a family party the following week. Asking me if I'm a cuddler or really affectionate when in a relationship. It made me a little itchy but Anastasia and the rest of my peeps at work convinced me this is normal.... But I was just getting this intense foreboding that if I dated this guy for six months he would want to be in love and getting engaged and married in a year. Which wouldn't be a bad thing if I was crazy about him.....
We agreed to hang out on Sunday and he would let me know what he has planned. When he suggested brunch with his family I felt the need to be honest. I wasn't comfortable meeting his family on the third date. He was very understanding.
And I never heard from him again.........
(I wrote this in sweat pants and a very ginormous robe)
Anyway, this online guy starts texting me. His profile is pretty standard: Loves family, wants to meet Miss Right to settle down with, spends every Sunday engrossed in football. He seems nice except he texts a lot and seeing as how I have a work phone that gets more action than my personal phone I had been sort of ignoring him. Yet, he still wants to meet me.
I leave straight from work in a nice dress, the polka dot one evil people call The Baseball dress, tights and boots. I'm really wishing we weren't meeting at a Catina type place so I wouldn't feel over dressed but maybe looking nice will score me some points. Who knows? It isn't like I'm going to trek all the way home just to change so this what he'll get.
I spot him right away at a table and head over. Quick side hug and order a beer. He's really tall. Plus. A little on the husky side but good smile. Plus. Seems pretty confident but not cocky. Good sign.
I'm surprisingly not uncomfortable...
This guy does most of the talking, which works for me. He and his family own and operate a couple sandich shops on the west side and planning to open up a third. Very business focused but loves to go out, laugh and have fun. Very into his family and looking to start his own sometime in the future.
We had two drinks and I needed to get home to the animal horde. He was very gentlemanly by walking me to my car, nice hug and asked to see me again. While I wasn't lusting after him I thought he was definitely the type of person I would enjoy being around.
Texting back and forth he decided on a fancy restaurant for our next date. I mean really fancy... like waiters in tuxes who call you by your name when they arrive at your table and recommend a proper bottle of wine fancy. I tried to breathe. Do I tell him I'm more of a dive bar girl? Did dressing too nice set a bad example of who I am: The Girl Who Thinks Sweat Pants Should Be Classified as Acceptable Going Out Clothes....?
It was a lovely meal. He had been thoughtful enough to choose a place that specialized in seafood so I would have plenty to pick from. We ordered beer instead of wine because he listened when I talked about how allergic I am to sulfites. He asked questions. In the end he walked me to the elevator at the parking garage and gave me a very nice kiss. It did not melt my bones or make me want to jump him but I found myself thinking I wouldn't mind doing that again.
He even called me later to make sure I got home ok. Such a sweet guy.
But....
But he seemed to be doing a lot of fast tracking. Talking about if we were together at Thanksgiving or Christmas. Inviting me to a family party the following week. Asking me if I'm a cuddler or really affectionate when in a relationship. It made me a little itchy but Anastasia and the rest of my peeps at work convinced me this is normal.... But I was just getting this intense foreboding that if I dated this guy for six months he would want to be in love and getting engaged and married in a year. Which wouldn't be a bad thing if I was crazy about him.....
We agreed to hang out on Sunday and he would let me know what he has planned. When he suggested brunch with his family I felt the need to be honest. I wasn't comfortable meeting his family on the third date. He was very understanding.
And I never heard from him again.........
(I wrote this in sweat pants and a very ginormous robe)
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