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Finally, I have done something impulsive! I was offered a free trip to Paris with The Principal and accepted. My first adventure out of the country and I would be traveling alone only to meet up with my ex-boyfriend in a country where I don't speak the language... I was terrified and thrilled all at once.
The only damper was the constant commentary coming at me from all my friends.
Anastasia: What if he proposes?
Me: That won't happen. This is purely a platonic trip.
Anastasia snorts: The man asks you to meet in Paris, the most romantic city on earth, for New Years all expenses paid and you think it's platonic?
Me: Yes. He's not like that. I bet he just wants someone to hang out with and the best he could come up with was me because he's socially retarded.
Lola from work: He's gonna be expecting some "you know" in the hotel!
Me: (blush the color of blood) It's not that kind of trip!
Julie: He could be doing this as the grand gesture... Moved to South America and realized what he gave up and trying to win you back...
Me: First of all, it's South Africa. Totally different continent. Second, he isn't like that! He knew what he gave up when he moved to New Mexico and again to back-ass-ward Africa. He didn't care.
Julie: So what would you say if he did propose?
And I thought about that. More times than I probably should have before the trip. I knew my answer would be no. Too much silence, never bothering to reach out to me. He doesn't know how to love and I want more than that, or at least I won't settle for less than all consuming love.
But another part of me thought.......... Well, I thought I would probably say yes. It was, after all, the grand gesture I had been waiting all these years for. Let's be honest, The Principal could have given me a micro gesture and I would be impressed.
I was determined to go to Paris and have a blast regardless of anything romantic. This was Paris! This was a different continent! This was something I was destined to see, take in and ingrain into my soul. Principal aside, I was in this for the pure bliss of experiencing something deep down I always knew I would deprive myself of.
On my flight from Phoenix to Atlanta I actually cried. I was so worried about leaving my animals, my work, everything familiar. On the flight to Paris I could barely breathe... we were traveling so fast, I was alone, I don't drink freaking wine... Do you know how fast those fucking planes go over water? And you can read it all on a little screen that it's like -70 outside. All I could think was that we were going down and everyone knows what happened at the end of Titanic... Needless to say my stomach was a mess and I never slept a wink.
In the airport I roamed around, got hailed by French speaking cabbies, and paid God knows how much in euros for bottled water. Finally, the Principal called. I made my way through the terminal to meet him, not sure of how we should greet each other. Handshake? Hug? Kiss? High five? I instantly missed my lonely patio.
He wrapped me up in a big hug and kissed me. He seemed so happy to see me...
The drive to the hotel made my exhaustion kick in but I was consumed by taking in the sight around me. The strange yet familiar freeways. The shanties set up out of cardboard and quilts outside the city shocked me. Then... then the beautiful, grey city that sparkled with hits of gold, copper and marble. Sights I had only glimpsed in movies. I could not really be here, this was a dream. Our hotel was located right in the middle of things and when I saw the Arc I was awestruck. We had windows that you could step out of and stand on a little balcony. I felt like I was looking at the rooftops of Oliver Twist. Innumerable chimneys, no longer smoking, scattered across the grey rooftops and the clouds looked like they were from a sky on another world. I fell in love.... With Paris.
Though I was exhausted I rallied, took a shower and we walked all over for hours. I saw the Seine, the Louvre, Notre Dame at dusk. I walked across the lock bridges and breathed the air that's been circulating in this strange old land forever. We sat in a cafe and drank European coffee, which my sister told me I would hate but I loved. We walked in the rain for miles before falling in bed by 7pm.
I woke at 6am the next morning and we started it all over again. The Musee D'Orsey- I wanted to live in there! My sister always talks about spending hours in these museums and I internally cringe because how could I ever stand in front of a painting for hours? The Impressionists hijacked my soul and I couldn't move. The sculptures that someone spent YEARS carving into an ethereal being larger than life made me want to weep. It suddenly made sense why this trip was such a good idea. I felt like I was being infused with history, brilliance, passion for living. I wanted to move there. I daydreamed of meeting a man who would take me there to live and buy me lots of wool pea coats.
Oh yeah, back to The Principal. Everything was easy going. He is as easy to travel with as he was to date. We didn't have to talk much, there was too much to see. When we finally had a chance to catch our breaths on the second day, we sat down at a cafe and ordered beer. After the second one I started to ask the uncomfortable questions I wanted to get out of my way.
I asked why he would invite me to Paris, a romantic city, for New Years. He didn't think it was that romantic and he thought it would be fun. He had no agenda.
I asked why he blew me off last year when he moved. He was a selfish asshole. (His words)
I told him I still loved him, but I realized we would never work. He looked scared but I told him I was just stating a fact, not opening a conversation about it. I just wanted to get it out of the way so I could move forward. He said he still loved me very much too.
And that was it. We got all the awkward out, went to the gardens surrounding the Eiffel Tower, drank beers in a pub and watched the fireworks as the New Year rang in. We kissed once. I felt a little jealous of the couples embracing all around us but then I thought "Fuck it, I'm in PARIS!" The rest of the night was a laugh. The gardens were muddy from all the rain and I had to be the watch out while the Principal pees in bushes. The metro was too packed so we walked 3 miles back to the hotel, picking up sandwiches and fries to gobble down drunkenly...
Needless to say, the next day we were hungover. We walked around for 4-5 hours looking at everything and went to bed early. Day 4 was the Louvre and I was so overwhelmed by the size of that place I could barely breathe. People were packed everywhere and the Principal gave me an anxiety attack in a crowd I couldn't escape. I got the mean look, but I didn't cry. I was hellbent to enjoy this trip and nothing was going to ruin it. We climbed the Arc, 280 some odd stone steps to the top in a cramped circular staircase, then you are on top of the world! It was amazing to see the entire city. We passed on going up the Eiffel Tower after waiting in line for two hours and getting no closer to the front. My feet were frozen... Laying in bed that night I snuggled my pillow to fall asleep but the Principal finally wanted to hold me. I was too used to my comfortable side of the bed so it didn't last long.
Our last day we got in Notre Dame and Luxembourg Gardens. Words truly cannot describe. The trip, that sky, will forever be embedded in my brain. It was too short, but I am so happy I went.
At the airport the Principal went with me through getting checked in and walked me to the gate. I thanked him again for the opportunity to see this country. I told him to take care. I hugged him hard, ready to go. He grabbed my face, kissed me hard, and said "I love you very much."
All I could do was give him a big hug and walk through security trying to keep the tears back. I knew in my heart I would never see him again.
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Another Dream
Last night I had another vibrant, realistic dream. It spanned so many scenes I cannot begin to write it all down. Most important was the hug. More important than the blood on the walls, the strange island or the half green person wanting me to dig a grave. It made me really consider where I have stood in my apathy these past three years.
I was floating in the green water of an ocean or sea not too far from land. There was some mission I needed to get to but I was content floating toward it. Getting there in my own time. Over the water flew a man, I knew he was different because, well, frankly because he was flying. He asked why I was just floating when I needed to get to this place and I nonchalantly replied "I'll get there eventually." and did a lazy backstroke.
He gently plucked me from the water into the air. The friends I hadn't known were around me watched as we climbed through the air and with the weightlessness I let my dangling legs drift up with us to settle around his hips.
My arms around his neck, his arms around my waist we held each other in a light embrace. It was as if we were suspended in water, not rushing air.
I sighed and asked "Why can't we just stay like this forever?"
It occurred to me when I awoke and felt lonely that I haven't been hugged without fear of falling in a very long time.
I was floating in the green water of an ocean or sea not too far from land. There was some mission I needed to get to but I was content floating toward it. Getting there in my own time. Over the water flew a man, I knew he was different because, well, frankly because he was flying. He asked why I was just floating when I needed to get to this place and I nonchalantly replied "I'll get there eventually." and did a lazy backstroke.
He gently plucked me from the water into the air. The friends I hadn't known were around me watched as we climbed through the air and with the weightlessness I let my dangling legs drift up with us to settle around his hips.
My arms around his neck, his arms around my waist we held each other in a light embrace. It was as if we were suspended in water, not rushing air.
I sighed and asked "Why can't we just stay like this forever?"
It occurred to me when I awoke and felt lonely that I haven't been hugged without fear of falling in a very long time.
Saturday, December 7, 2013
The Principal Resurfaces
I haven't heard from The Principal since the middle of summer when I last called him, drunkenly, and suggested he start dating. I admit he took it like a man when I laughed at him for mentioning we meet up for a vacation and swiftly got off the phone. I neatly placed him in the "Do not Disturb" file and went about my life.
Until September when I drunkenly texted him:
Been thinking about you lately. Hope you are doing well.
I know I should be shot and let sleeping dogs lay and all that but I was lonely and stupid. I was, however, smart enough to suspect he couldn't receive my message or wouldn't be bothered to reply. And I was 100% ok with that.
Two weeks later........ Email from the Principal:
Hello there. Not sure if you got my message. Sorry for delay but was in the Congo and only got the text when I got back to South Africa. So you were thinking about me? What were you thinking? I'm kidding. Thought about you many a time. Hope all is going well with marketing for old people living:) pics below are how I spent my birthday!
I looked at his shit eating grin and kind of wanted to smack him. Glad you're having fun being single while all I really want to do is curl up next to someone when I go to bed and eat out more.
Me:
I didn't get your message, didn't really expect a response because I wasn't sure if you could receive texts. Had just been thinking about you a lot and figured I would say hi.
Looks like you caught the world's ugliest fish there! How's everything going with the job?
My building is still in progress, delayed till mid-December. I've been helping with some of their other projects. It has been a strange start, but I am learning a lot which will be an asset as I move up with this company or another.
Other than that, my Mom is back in Iowa, Meghan is in Puerto Rico shooting a movie with John Cusack.
Principal:
I get texts but for some reason I can't send. That is a beautiful fish! Guy holding it even more so ;) It's a Dorado also known as mahi-mahi.
Job is good, stressful but good. Have senior vp's telling me I'm doing fantastic stuff and keep it up. I'd rather they said with $ than compliments ;)
Glad to hear you are at least getting some good learning on the job. If I knew more seniors I'd have them call you.
John Cusack in Puerto Rico? What a dull life she has:) hope you take advantage and have a little holiday there!
Anyway, miss you, all the best. If you download whatsapp on phone then I can reply
PS
Any good plans for New Year's Eve?
Why the hell would he want to know what I'm doing for New Year's? Is this a jab because I broke up with him on New Year's Day nearly 3 years ago? He's really not that good at piecing things together....
Me:
Mahi mahi is one of my favorite fish, but I never have to look it in the face!
Glad things are going well and you look happy on your birthday trip. I'm sure you'll be running that company before long.
I need more seniors so if you know any send them my way! We have some great residents on board but construction delays have put us out to opening in December. I wish I had the time to visit Meghan... she sends such tantalizing pics from the beach which makes me want to maim her. Hoping to spend Thanksgiving in either LA, if her shoot runs long, or Iowa if not. No more wedding, they are getting divorced. Loooong story. No plans for New Year's other than sweat pants and too many animals :-) Miss you too.
Eh, why not be honest. It's an email so what can it hurt?
Principal:
Well since you have no plans I invite you to be with me. Here are the necessities.
1. You will need a passport
2. You will have to pack bags
3. You will have to find an animal sitter
I can't tell you where cuz that would spoil the sense of adventure but I will say this. If u accept u will be given a plane ticket, round trip as I would never leave you stranded:) then all you have to do is go to the airport and board a plane. Simple
I don't hold my breath in anticipation that you will say yes but it would be oh so great to see you and spend some time together. I know it's extravagant maybe mysterious and I'm being coy but why not take a leap of faith and know that we will have a fantastic time.
What the WHAT? I will so not go to South Africa if that is what he's suggesting. But... it has been on my New Year's resolution list forever to leave the country and he had said before he left we could meet up in Ireland or someplace in Europe. Could he really mean he would pay for everything and I would get my wish fulfilled?
Me:
I am surprised and intrigued by your mysterious offer.
I would need to know the following in order to make an informed decision:
1) Travel time required 1 way
2) Length of time for the entire trip
3) Climate
Until September when I drunkenly texted him:
Been thinking about you lately. Hope you are doing well.
I know I should be shot and let sleeping dogs lay and all that but I was lonely and stupid. I was, however, smart enough to suspect he couldn't receive my message or wouldn't be bothered to reply. And I was 100% ok with that.
Two weeks later........ Email from the Principal:
Hello there. Not sure if you got my message. Sorry for delay but was in the Congo and only got the text when I got back to South Africa. So you were thinking about me? What were you thinking? I'm kidding. Thought about you many a time. Hope all is going well with marketing for old people living:) pics below are how I spent my birthday!
I looked at his shit eating grin and kind of wanted to smack him. Glad you're having fun being single while all I really want to do is curl up next to someone when I go to bed and eat out more.
Me:
I didn't get your message, didn't really expect a response because I wasn't sure if you could receive texts. Had just been thinking about you a lot and figured I would say hi.
Looks like you caught the world's ugliest fish there! How's everything going with the job?
My building is still in progress, delayed till mid-December. I've been helping with some of their other projects. It has been a strange start, but I am learning a lot which will be an asset as I move up with this company or another.
Other than that, my Mom is back in Iowa, Meghan is in Puerto Rico shooting a movie with John Cusack.
Principal:
I get texts but for some reason I can't send. That is a beautiful fish! Guy holding it even more so ;) It's a Dorado also known as mahi-mahi.
Job is good, stressful but good. Have senior vp's telling me I'm doing fantastic stuff and keep it up. I'd rather they said with $ than compliments ;)
Glad to hear you are at least getting some good learning on the job. If I knew more seniors I'd have them call you.
John Cusack in Puerto Rico? What a dull life she has:) hope you take advantage and have a little holiday there!
Anyway, miss you, all the best. If you download whatsapp on phone then I can reply
PS
Any good plans for New Year's Eve?
Why the hell would he want to know what I'm doing for New Year's? Is this a jab because I broke up with him on New Year's Day nearly 3 years ago? He's really not that good at piecing things together....
Me:
Mahi mahi is one of my favorite fish, but I never have to look it in the face!
Glad things are going well and you look happy on your birthday trip. I'm sure you'll be running that company before long.
I need more seniors so if you know any send them my way! We have some great residents on board but construction delays have put us out to opening in December. I wish I had the time to visit Meghan... she sends such tantalizing pics from the beach which makes me want to maim her. Hoping to spend Thanksgiving in either LA, if her shoot runs long, or Iowa if not. No more wedding, they are getting divorced. Loooong story. No plans for New Year's other than sweat pants and too many animals :-) Miss you too.
Eh, why not be honest. It's an email so what can it hurt?
Principal:
Well since you have no plans I invite you to be with me. Here are the necessities.
1. You will need a passport
2. You will have to pack bags
3. You will have to find an animal sitter
I can't tell you where cuz that would spoil the sense of adventure but I will say this. If u accept u will be given a plane ticket, round trip as I would never leave you stranded:) then all you have to do is go to the airport and board a plane. Simple
I don't hold my breath in anticipation that you will say yes but it would be oh so great to see you and spend some time together. I know it's extravagant maybe mysterious and I'm being coy but why not take a leap of faith and know that we will have a fantastic time.
What the WHAT? I will so not go to South Africa if that is what he's suggesting. But... it has been on my New Year's resolution list forever to leave the country and he had said before he left we could meet up in Ireland or someplace in Europe. Could he really mean he would pay for everything and I would get my wish fulfilled?
Me:
I am surprised and intrigued by your mysterious offer.
I would need to know the following in order to make an informed decision:
1) Travel time required 1 way
2) Length of time for the entire trip
3) Climate
Principal:
I can only say 5-6 days. Anything more would just be giving it away. However if you become insistent I may fold. But then again I may not ;)
Me:
I will have to be insistent about the flight time and climate.... I would need to know how to pack. If it sways you at all to give in and share more... I am considering this.
And a week goes by without a word. I'm checking my email throughout the day feeling like a moron because he ALWAYS does this to me!
Principal:
Ok I'm caving in. Would have been sooner but jeez have things gotten busy. I will be in Europe, probably Paris. It will be cold but not that bad. And yes it is a lengthy flight.
So I began to feel excited... I could finally get to see some of Europe! Granted it's a short trip but I haven't taken a vacation longer than 4 days in years. I glance over the computer screen to see Julie eyeing me critically and immediately asks what's up.
Me: Ummm... I've been emailing The Principal.
Julie: And what the hell does that little asshole want now? Is he still in South America?
Me: It's South Africa, totally different continent much further away.
Julie: Whatever. He's still an asshole. What does he want?
Me: He's offered to pay for a trip to Europe for New Year's. He said all I have to do is get a passport, pack and get on a plane.
She narrows her eyes at me.
Julie: And what if you go over there and he breaks your heart all over again?
Me: It's not like that... It will just be a platonic vacation.
Julie: (rolling her eyes) Right.
Me: It's not like I'll actually go... I can't take that much time off work so close to our opening.
Julie: F that! You're going! You never take any time for yourself.
Me:
Definitely considering this. Andrea has already approved me taking the time if I decide to go but I need some more details..... Dates and such.
Principal:
Leave on the 29th arrive on the 30th. Then back home on 3rd or 4th. Either one you are back in phx same day just late like 9pm. So you take that week off and no worries. If yes then need all your details cuz I have a shit memory
Address
DOB
Phone
Passport ID
And so I sent him my deets, took the time off work and I AM GOING TO PARIS!!!!
The Restaurateur
During my online attempts to find love- wait no- companionship.... wait, no- a single male... ah, fuck it.
Anyway, this online guy starts texting me. His profile is pretty standard: Loves family, wants to meet Miss Right to settle down with, spends every Sunday engrossed in football. He seems nice except he texts a lot and seeing as how I have a work phone that gets more action than my personal phone I had been sort of ignoring him. Yet, he still wants to meet me.
I leave straight from work in a nice dress, the polka dot one evil people call The Baseball dress, tights and boots. I'm really wishing we weren't meeting at a Catina type place so I wouldn't feel over dressed but maybe looking nice will score me some points. Who knows? It isn't like I'm going to trek all the way home just to change so this what he'll get.
I spot him right away at a table and head over. Quick side hug and order a beer. He's really tall. Plus. A little on the husky side but good smile. Plus. Seems pretty confident but not cocky. Good sign.
I'm surprisingly not uncomfortable...
This guy does most of the talking, which works for me. He and his family own and operate a couple sandich shops on the west side and planning to open up a third. Very business focused but loves to go out, laugh and have fun. Very into his family and looking to start his own sometime in the future.
We had two drinks and I needed to get home to the animal horde. He was very gentlemanly by walking me to my car, nice hug and asked to see me again. While I wasn't lusting after him I thought he was definitely the type of person I would enjoy being around.
Texting back and forth he decided on a fancy restaurant for our next date. I mean really fancy... like waiters in tuxes who call you by your name when they arrive at your table and recommend a proper bottle of wine fancy. I tried to breathe. Do I tell him I'm more of a dive bar girl? Did dressing too nice set a bad example of who I am: The Girl Who Thinks Sweat Pants Should Be Classified as Acceptable Going Out Clothes....?
It was a lovely meal. He had been thoughtful enough to choose a place that specialized in seafood so I would have plenty to pick from. We ordered beer instead of wine because he listened when I talked about how allergic I am to sulfites. He asked questions. In the end he walked me to the elevator at the parking garage and gave me a very nice kiss. It did not melt my bones or make me want to jump him but I found myself thinking I wouldn't mind doing that again.
He even called me later to make sure I got home ok. Such a sweet guy.
But....
But he seemed to be doing a lot of fast tracking. Talking about if we were together at Thanksgiving or Christmas. Inviting me to a family party the following week. Asking me if I'm a cuddler or really affectionate when in a relationship. It made me a little itchy but Anastasia and the rest of my peeps at work convinced me this is normal.... But I was just getting this intense foreboding that if I dated this guy for six months he would want to be in love and getting engaged and married in a year. Which wouldn't be a bad thing if I was crazy about him.....
We agreed to hang out on Sunday and he would let me know what he has planned. When he suggested brunch with his family I felt the need to be honest. I wasn't comfortable meeting his family on the third date. He was very understanding.
And I never heard from him again.........
(I wrote this in sweat pants and a very ginormous robe)
Anyway, this online guy starts texting me. His profile is pretty standard: Loves family, wants to meet Miss Right to settle down with, spends every Sunday engrossed in football. He seems nice except he texts a lot and seeing as how I have a work phone that gets more action than my personal phone I had been sort of ignoring him. Yet, he still wants to meet me.
I leave straight from work in a nice dress, the polka dot one evil people call The Baseball dress, tights and boots. I'm really wishing we weren't meeting at a Catina type place so I wouldn't feel over dressed but maybe looking nice will score me some points. Who knows? It isn't like I'm going to trek all the way home just to change so this what he'll get.
I spot him right away at a table and head over. Quick side hug and order a beer. He's really tall. Plus. A little on the husky side but good smile. Plus. Seems pretty confident but not cocky. Good sign.
I'm surprisingly not uncomfortable...
This guy does most of the talking, which works for me. He and his family own and operate a couple sandich shops on the west side and planning to open up a third. Very business focused but loves to go out, laugh and have fun. Very into his family and looking to start his own sometime in the future.
We had two drinks and I needed to get home to the animal horde. He was very gentlemanly by walking me to my car, nice hug and asked to see me again. While I wasn't lusting after him I thought he was definitely the type of person I would enjoy being around.
Texting back and forth he decided on a fancy restaurant for our next date. I mean really fancy... like waiters in tuxes who call you by your name when they arrive at your table and recommend a proper bottle of wine fancy. I tried to breathe. Do I tell him I'm more of a dive bar girl? Did dressing too nice set a bad example of who I am: The Girl Who Thinks Sweat Pants Should Be Classified as Acceptable Going Out Clothes....?
It was a lovely meal. He had been thoughtful enough to choose a place that specialized in seafood so I would have plenty to pick from. We ordered beer instead of wine because he listened when I talked about how allergic I am to sulfites. He asked questions. In the end he walked me to the elevator at the parking garage and gave me a very nice kiss. It did not melt my bones or make me want to jump him but I found myself thinking I wouldn't mind doing that again.
He even called me later to make sure I got home ok. Such a sweet guy.
But....
But he seemed to be doing a lot of fast tracking. Talking about if we were together at Thanksgiving or Christmas. Inviting me to a family party the following week. Asking me if I'm a cuddler or really affectionate when in a relationship. It made me a little itchy but Anastasia and the rest of my peeps at work convinced me this is normal.... But I was just getting this intense foreboding that if I dated this guy for six months he would want to be in love and getting engaged and married in a year. Which wouldn't be a bad thing if I was crazy about him.....
We agreed to hang out on Sunday and he would let me know what he has planned. When he suggested brunch with his family I felt the need to be honest. I wasn't comfortable meeting his family on the third date. He was very understanding.
And I never heard from him again.........
(I wrote this in sweat pants and a very ginormous robe)
Saturday, September 28, 2013
Fibber McGee's
Going back and forth between the idea of dating again I decided to make a few attempts on EHarmony.com which resulted in the typical lame responses. At first there were a few fish biting. That narrowed down to a few I deemed adequate enough to continue communicating with and eventually I gave my number out to three men.
Bachelor #1: Sent a couple brief texts and arranged to meet at Kona Grill. I got a cold and asked to reschedule. Never heard from him again.
Bachelor #2: Sent a couple texts that were closed ended. That went no where.
Bachelor #3: Sent more interesting texts and CALLED (novel idea, right?). We had a three hour phone conversation about books, work, what we are looking for in dating, animals. It was fun. Even though I wasn't exactly tingling, I felt like I could do this again.
We continued to text a little and he called again the following weekend. Another long conversation where we started to open up more about past relationships and politics, work ethic. The getting to know you crap I normally despise wasn't so terrible. A couple days later we had another long call, talked about my dad and his dad's illness. Maybe I have finally met a normal human being!
Bachelor #3 invited me to have a drink at Fibber McGee's on a week night. I wasn't stressed or worried, I was just going to be myself and see where this goes. Running late getting home from work I texted him I would meet him around 8pm. I showered, did my hair and dressed casual nice. No butterflies. Maybe I'm maturing!
Maybe I have a sixth sense....
Bachelor #3 is decent looking guy. Taller than me. Big green eyes. We had a beer and made small talk. I was a little awkward at first but managed to loosen up. I can't really pinpoint the moment it got weird, but weird it most certainly got. He began to lose control of the conversation, or his ability to focus on it. He started to complain about his job as a manager at a pizza chain because obviously he made so much less money than when he was a professional poker player and certainly a lot less than what I make. I tried to reign it back in...
He got up to go the bathroom after we ordered a second round and knocked into a chair. Maybe he's just clumsy? I walk into stuff all the time... When he came back it was pretty obvious he was a couple drinks ahead of me. I asked if we could go outside to smoke, this was starting to stress me out. He could barely walk out the door and propped himself against a wall. He starts asking if he can kiss me. No. No. Fuck NO. He's slurring his words, eyes rolling around in his head. For the love of God, how much has this guy been drinking? He moves to grab his beer off the table and nearly falls over on it.
I direct him to a chair as he's chanting "You hate me, I can't believe this.." I asked how many he's had and he attempts to tell me its only 4-5 including the beers he's had with me. False. He's a tall guy and I don't get this freaking sloppy when I overindulge. He tries the kissing thing again and I want to smack him. People are looking in our direction. I take a sip of my beer and declare that we need to close out and I'll drive him home. (I am too nice, and or stupid, for my own good.) With a sigh, Bachelor # 3 starts to pour the rest of his beer into my beer but spills it all over my lap instead.
He stumbles to the bar while I try to keep a straight face. I just want to get rid of this guy and go home. I let him pay the tab, not feeling one little bit like I should pitch in at all. He sways out the door, walks like a sailor all the way to my car and nearly falls on his face missing the door handle. Then he proceeds giving me crap directions to his home, like I'm going drastically change lanes when I am soaked in beer.
At his townhouse, he tries to convince me to "just come in side." I explained during our phone calls that I'm not looking to get my sex on with just anyone. Why the hell would I go into a drunk stranger's abode? He pleads that I should at least come to the door to meet his dog. I am a sucker for dogs. I left my car running, told him I would say hello and then I needed to go home. The big dog starts barking excitedly inside while Bachelor #3 takes an eternity to figure out which key on his key ring is most likely to gain entrance to his home. The door is opened a year later, the dog surges forward and proceeds to pee.
Urine is splashing ff the tile, all over my leg and shoe. Poor beast continues to pee nervously in a circle. The only time a large dog does this: They haven't been let out in a really long time. He looks so ashamed I call him outside for petting because it isn't his fault, it's the fault of his asshole owner. The dog bounces off to pee more, Bachelor #3 is swaying and making more excuses. The dog runs into the street where headlights are approaching. I scream, calling him back. Bachelor #3 says the dog is fine, he knows the area.... I'm so sick for the beast, he's dirty, hasn't been out all day from the looks of it and his alcoholic owner doesn't care if he gets hit by a car. Wow. I sure can pick 'em.
As I was driving home I didn't know if I should laugh or cry. So I announced out loud "I just got peed on." and bust out cackling. This was hands down the WORST date I have ever been on.
I stopped at a gas station and opened up to the female cashier.
Me: "I just have to share this with someone right now. I went on a first date tonight. The guy ended up getting drunk, spilled beer in my lap. Then, I had to drive him home where his dog peed all over me."
Her eyes popped out and her jaw dropped. I could see she was furiously trying to come up with a response. I shrugged and headed to the door.
"You deserve better than that!" she called after me.
"God, I hope so!"
This story, however, was lot's of entertainment the following day at work.
Bachelor #1: Sent a couple brief texts and arranged to meet at Kona Grill. I got a cold and asked to reschedule. Never heard from him again.
Bachelor #2: Sent a couple texts that were closed ended. That went no where.
Bachelor #3: Sent more interesting texts and CALLED (novel idea, right?). We had a three hour phone conversation about books, work, what we are looking for in dating, animals. It was fun. Even though I wasn't exactly tingling, I felt like I could do this again.
We continued to text a little and he called again the following weekend. Another long conversation where we started to open up more about past relationships and politics, work ethic. The getting to know you crap I normally despise wasn't so terrible. A couple days later we had another long call, talked about my dad and his dad's illness. Maybe I have finally met a normal human being!
Bachelor #3 invited me to have a drink at Fibber McGee's on a week night. I wasn't stressed or worried, I was just going to be myself and see where this goes. Running late getting home from work I texted him I would meet him around 8pm. I showered, did my hair and dressed casual nice. No butterflies. Maybe I'm maturing!
Maybe I have a sixth sense....
Bachelor #3 is decent looking guy. Taller than me. Big green eyes. We had a beer and made small talk. I was a little awkward at first but managed to loosen up. I can't really pinpoint the moment it got weird, but weird it most certainly got. He began to lose control of the conversation, or his ability to focus on it. He started to complain about his job as a manager at a pizza chain because obviously he made so much less money than when he was a professional poker player and certainly a lot less than what I make. I tried to reign it back in...
He got up to go the bathroom after we ordered a second round and knocked into a chair. Maybe he's just clumsy? I walk into stuff all the time... When he came back it was pretty obvious he was a couple drinks ahead of me. I asked if we could go outside to smoke, this was starting to stress me out. He could barely walk out the door and propped himself against a wall. He starts asking if he can kiss me. No. No. Fuck NO. He's slurring his words, eyes rolling around in his head. For the love of God, how much has this guy been drinking? He moves to grab his beer off the table and nearly falls over on it.
I direct him to a chair as he's chanting "You hate me, I can't believe this.." I asked how many he's had and he attempts to tell me its only 4-5 including the beers he's had with me. False. He's a tall guy and I don't get this freaking sloppy when I overindulge. He tries the kissing thing again and I want to smack him. People are looking in our direction. I take a sip of my beer and declare that we need to close out and I'll drive him home. (I am too nice, and or stupid, for my own good.) With a sigh, Bachelor # 3 starts to pour the rest of his beer into my beer but spills it all over my lap instead.
He stumbles to the bar while I try to keep a straight face. I just want to get rid of this guy and go home. I let him pay the tab, not feeling one little bit like I should pitch in at all. He sways out the door, walks like a sailor all the way to my car and nearly falls on his face missing the door handle. Then he proceeds giving me crap directions to his home, like I'm going drastically change lanes when I am soaked in beer.
At his townhouse, he tries to convince me to "just come in side." I explained during our phone calls that I'm not looking to get my sex on with just anyone. Why the hell would I go into a drunk stranger's abode? He pleads that I should at least come to the door to meet his dog. I am a sucker for dogs. I left my car running, told him I would say hello and then I needed to go home. The big dog starts barking excitedly inside while Bachelor #3 takes an eternity to figure out which key on his key ring is most likely to gain entrance to his home. The door is opened a year later, the dog surges forward and proceeds to pee.
Urine is splashing ff the tile, all over my leg and shoe. Poor beast continues to pee nervously in a circle. The only time a large dog does this: They haven't been let out in a really long time. He looks so ashamed I call him outside for petting because it isn't his fault, it's the fault of his asshole owner. The dog bounces off to pee more, Bachelor #3 is swaying and making more excuses. The dog runs into the street where headlights are approaching. I scream, calling him back. Bachelor #3 says the dog is fine, he knows the area.... I'm so sick for the beast, he's dirty, hasn't been out all day from the looks of it and his alcoholic owner doesn't care if he gets hit by a car. Wow. I sure can pick 'em.
As I was driving home I didn't know if I should laugh or cry. So I announced out loud "I just got peed on." and bust out cackling. This was hands down the WORST date I have ever been on.
I stopped at a gas station and opened up to the female cashier.
Me: "I just have to share this with someone right now. I went on a first date tonight. The guy ended up getting drunk, spilled beer in my lap. Then, I had to drive him home where his dog peed all over me."
Her eyes popped out and her jaw dropped. I could see she was furiously trying to come up with a response. I shrugged and headed to the door.
"You deserve better than that!" she called after me.
"God, I hope so!"
This story, however, was lot's of entertainment the following day at work.
Saturday, September 14, 2013
My kind-of attempts to get into dating....
I've reached a funny stalemate with myself about dating. The truth is, I would very much like to meet a guy, go out, get to know him, share my thoughts, laugh, joke, cuddle, be romantic, and all that shit. The problem is that from what I hear and see of other people's relationships dating is just a farce. Lie about how easy going you are. Pretend to be OK with the other person's emotional distance. Set aside pieces of yourself so things go more smoothly. Do this until you get married and then it's open season on how unaccommodating you want to be or accept it and lose those little pieces for ever.
It seems like a lot of bullshit to go through just for some semi-regular sex and the right to post kissy pics on FB.
With that in mind, my Internet dating is a little wah-wah-wahhhh..... Very few prospects and all the answers make me bored. Plus, the majority of my matches are short. I was very clear in my settings that I didn't want to date someone under 5'9" (because I'm 5'6" and sometimes like to wear heels that make me 5'10" and anyone under the approved height minimum would make me look like a freaking Amazon.) They need to make a new website called NapoleonComplexSingles.com where all the short people can go to pretend to find love.
I've been texted by 3 of the guys I went through the communication process with and they are all inept in some way. One just wants to meet up and I've forgotten everything I've learned about him already. Two goes with the closed ended statements about himself. How am supposed to respond to that Two? Say how awesome your statement is just to keep up this disappointing illusion of a conversation? Not gonna happen. Three is hit or miss and has already used the word kinky. All 3 chose to text rather than call.
Needless to say I have been on zero dates.
This doesn't upset me, just makes me less enthusiastic about even trying to date. Sure, I want all the mushy crap and sex but I want that to be a accompanied by a brain and some genuine interest thrown my way. So, I'm not going to sweat it. I will continue to go about my business and wait for an opportunity to jump a stranger. (With that comment I expect a call from Chloe "seeing how things are going")
It seems like a lot of bullshit to go through just for some semi-regular sex and the right to post kissy pics on FB.
With that in mind, my Internet dating is a little wah-wah-wahhhh..... Very few prospects and all the answers make me bored. Plus, the majority of my matches are short. I was very clear in my settings that I didn't want to date someone under 5'9" (because I'm 5'6" and sometimes like to wear heels that make me 5'10" and anyone under the approved height minimum would make me look like a freaking Amazon.) They need to make a new website called NapoleonComplexSingles.com where all the short people can go to pretend to find love.
I've been texted by 3 of the guys I went through the communication process with and they are all inept in some way. One just wants to meet up and I've forgotten everything I've learned about him already. Two goes with the closed ended statements about himself. How am supposed to respond to that Two? Say how awesome your statement is just to keep up this disappointing illusion of a conversation? Not gonna happen. Three is hit or miss and has already used the word kinky. All 3 chose to text rather than call.
Needless to say I have been on zero dates.
This doesn't upset me, just makes me less enthusiastic about even trying to date. Sure, I want all the mushy crap and sex but I want that to be a accompanied by a brain and some genuine interest thrown my way. So, I'm not going to sweat it. I will continue to go about my business and wait for an opportunity to jump a stranger. (With that comment I expect a call from Chloe "seeing how things are going")
Saturday, August 17, 2013
I Am Robot
I have been on several dates with the Beard. Anastasia tells me he's a good guy. He's sweet, texting me all the time telling me I'm beautiful. He thinks of thoughtful dates. I mean like seeing Princess Bride on the big screen and fancy restaurant type dates. We have fun together. He brought me flowers. He drank non-alcoholic beverages at my 4th of July party with my crazy family. He helped me shop for accent shit for work. He took me to the circus.
But....
But........
Sigh.
He kisses me like we are in junior high. Or we need a safe word. I'm completely comfortable around him with the exception that there is no passion. I have been hanging out with this dude since the end of May and he hasn't tried ANYTHING.
So last week we went to a nice dinner and comedy show. I went out and bought a nice new dress, bra and undies. Not expecting anything, but to get my mojo going in general. It was fun, he even made sure that I had a good view after some head bobbing. I had tried to probe some info out of him about prior relationships but discovered he had non. 26 years old, recovering alcoholic and no prior relationships. End of the night.... Barely even some tongue.
What am I doing? This is not dating! He doesn't ask about my work. We don't talk about his plans other than paying off DUI fines and his apartment smells like dog piss. I have finally regressed to college.
How difficult is it for me to date? Let's see... Two years ago Chloe was still hung up on her ex, now she has an amazing boyfriend who is looking to propose in the next few months. They're freaking inseparable, which both makes me sick and happy at the same time. Kelly, is married. Anastasia has a steady boy toy. And me? I'm still reliving the freaking Principle and Work Guy (1st out of country the second getting engaged. Oh yeah, the EX is having a baby!)
I was watching New Girl yesterday and realized it has been YEARS since anyone has kissed me because they felt compelled. YEARS.
To end this sorry note....
I signed back up on internet dating today.
Sigh. More beer for me.
But....
But........
Sigh.
He kisses me like we are in junior high. Or we need a safe word. I'm completely comfortable around him with the exception that there is no passion. I have been hanging out with this dude since the end of May and he hasn't tried ANYTHING.
So last week we went to a nice dinner and comedy show. I went out and bought a nice new dress, bra and undies. Not expecting anything, but to get my mojo going in general. It was fun, he even made sure that I had a good view after some head bobbing. I had tried to probe some info out of him about prior relationships but discovered he had non. 26 years old, recovering alcoholic and no prior relationships. End of the night.... Barely even some tongue.
What am I doing? This is not dating! He doesn't ask about my work. We don't talk about his plans other than paying off DUI fines and his apartment smells like dog piss. I have finally regressed to college.
How difficult is it for me to date? Let's see... Two years ago Chloe was still hung up on her ex, now she has an amazing boyfriend who is looking to propose in the next few months. They're freaking inseparable, which both makes me sick and happy at the same time. Kelly, is married. Anastasia has a steady boy toy. And me? I'm still reliving the freaking Principle and Work Guy (1st out of country the second getting engaged. Oh yeah, the EX is having a baby!)
I was watching New Girl yesterday and realized it has been YEARS since anyone has kissed me because they felt compelled. YEARS.
To end this sorry note....
I signed back up on internet dating today.
Sigh. More beer for me.
What the Crap is Dating?
An ex-coworker of mine who is male and let me push him around invited me to a baseball game via the hated Facebook. He's a little younger than me but I thought it would be a fun outing. Trying not to be too naive, as I know men and women can never just be friends, I accepted on a friend level. I would shank him if he tried to put the moves on me and dress as unattractively as possible. Ponytail, oversized khakis, thermal, flip flops. Done.
Now, the Beard is a nice guy and all but I had some trouble not being my normal work ice queen self. He wanted to pick me up and I threatened that I would have to kill him should he discover my lair. I drove to his complex and let him drive from there. I knew he was in AA but the breathelizer in his car still shocked me. I politely clasped my hands in my lap and looked the other way. The game was fun, he was funny, but my back was starting to hurt from trying to be social. And I wanted a beer. But I can't drink in front of a person who has been sober a year and a half... that would be wrong. But it's everywhere! Men shouting out "Ice cold beer!" This kiss camera lit up the stadium and the Beard laughed about whether we would get shot and I gave him the most withering look of repulsion that could come naturally to my face. I felt bad about this later, afraid I insulted him. Oh well, at least our seats were amazing and the Diamondbacks won (a rare occasion.)
We had a nice platonic hug before I headed home and I thought, maybe that was just a friendly outing. No sparks or moves or suggestions. I could deal with that.
The following week Anastasia, who still works at my ex-job, texted me shocked that I had a date with the Beard and not notified her.
ME: Was not date. Just friendly baseball game.
Anastasia: Men and women cannot be friends! How was it!? He could be good for you!
ME: Was NOT date. If it was it didn't go very well seeing as he hasn't contacted me since. LOL!
And I truly thought it was funny for the first time in my life I hadn't analyzed whether or not someone liked me. I texted the Beard a week later requesting he hit the Mormon kid I used to antagonize in the head with a ball, to which he responded with said Morman's pissed off pic. And in what I assume was a strategic nudge from Anastasia, he asked to hang out again. In a week and a half. Friends make plans that far in advance and I assumed I was safe. We agreed to educate me on the series Dexter.
Now, the Beard is a nice guy and all but I had some trouble not being my normal work ice queen self. He wanted to pick me up and I threatened that I would have to kill him should he discover my lair. I drove to his complex and let him drive from there. I knew he was in AA but the breathelizer in his car still shocked me. I politely clasped my hands in my lap and looked the other way. The game was fun, he was funny, but my back was starting to hurt from trying to be social. And I wanted a beer. But I can't drink in front of a person who has been sober a year and a half... that would be wrong. But it's everywhere! Men shouting out "Ice cold beer!" This kiss camera lit up the stadium and the Beard laughed about whether we would get shot and I gave him the most withering look of repulsion that could come naturally to my face. I felt bad about this later, afraid I insulted him. Oh well, at least our seats were amazing and the Diamondbacks won (a rare occasion.)
We had a nice platonic hug before I headed home and I thought, maybe that was just a friendly outing. No sparks or moves or suggestions. I could deal with that.
The following week Anastasia, who still works at my ex-job, texted me shocked that I had a date with the Beard and not notified her.
ME: Was not date. Just friendly baseball game.
Anastasia: Men and women cannot be friends! How was it!? He could be good for you!
ME: Was NOT date. If it was it didn't go very well seeing as he hasn't contacted me since. LOL!
And I truly thought it was funny for the first time in my life I hadn't analyzed whether or not someone liked me. I texted the Beard a week later requesting he hit the Mormon kid I used to antagonize in the head with a ball, to which he responded with said Morman's pissed off pic. And in what I assume was a strategic nudge from Anastasia, he asked to hang out again. In a week and a half. Friends make plans that far in advance and I assumed I was safe. We agreed to educate me on the series Dexter.
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
Drawing it out with The Principal
In January I was convinced The Principal was not into me. In June I am further convinced. Why I allow myself to focus on people's good qualities in hopes that they will outweigh their bad is a sign of my terminal stupidity. My most recent experiences have left me completely jaded towards the male species. As if anyone thought I could get MORE jaded...
I'll make this short as possible, because it mostly repeats my past relationship with this guy.
I continued to see The Principal. We had dinner, talked occasionally. All the while he was accepting the job in South Africa and planning his move. He'd throw a line out there about wanting to take me with him. How I could not work and focus on my writing. When he started putting the moves on me my reaction was so alien I began to believe I was a different person. We made love. So very different from before, when we were just getting it on. I stared into his eyes and thought "you're imperfect, but I love you for it".
But he didn't talk. There was no platitudes about how he would miss me, just "The timing is never right." I would ask about feelings and never get a straight answer. I was busy trying to love someone who would never truly love me back. His goals, his making up for lost time being a productive business man, would always take precedence over me. Like all stupid bitches in love I wondered if it was just that or if I was the wrong girl for him. What was I lacking?
The Principal and I met for dinner in Chandler. I sat patiently as he talked about all his travel arrangements to leave the country in a week. All I could focus on was the fact that he hadn't hugged me, or kissed me, or touched me all night. Next week he would be across the country and he didn't feel any urgency to be near to me. Every bit of this is wrong. I said so. He told me he had to do this, leave to make a career for himself. I tried to listen but there was soft buzzing in my ears, dread.
When we parted ways he said "I'm just not the right one for you, am I?" and despite my strong composure throughout our entire time knowing each other I launched myself into his arms and cried. He could have been if he wanted me as badly as I wanted him. He could have tried harder. He could have tried at all.
And we continued to talk after he left. I counted the hours difference and waited but it took a week before he contacted me. Emailed he would call tomorrow and never did. I was in a state of nervous turmoil checking my phone all day, all night, waking up to check at 3am. After two days of this, exhausted and un-sleeping I gave up. But that's always when he calls. I began to depend on calling him late at night or mid morning. Venting about my new job, just hearing his laugh. He would back in AZ in a month and I would get to see him.
As he made his journey across the ocean and the country I counted the hours, marking where he would be. He'd said on the phone he wanted to see me when he got in, jet lag be damned. I was more important. My heart, stupidly, jumped. When I rang the bell at his house I was considering just launching myself into his arms. Even if he was tired we could wrap around each other, talk, hold on... But I had to ring the bell again and waited. My cheeks began to burn. He forgot? Passed out? Missed his flight? Eventually he answered the door only to stare at me in confusion and scratch his head. He noticed a package and bent over taking 5 minutes to try to retrieve it mumbling about how sleepy he was. I wanted to run. My face was in shock position.
Reluctantly, I entered his lair. He plopped on the sofa where I was forced to sit and chat about my work while he continued to snooze. I wanted to cry. I left 15 minutes later so I could do just that. He didn't call for two days, then we only spoke for five minutes about how he had to go to NM to check his house before his parents came into town, then got off the phone to eat his pizza saying he'd call me a little later. The next day all I got was a text he was in NM. Then silence. For a week. I woke up in the middle of the night and left him a voice message, anticipating he would just take off back to South Africa without telling me or seeing me again. It two days before he called me back.
I was sitting at a restaurant with Julie when he called. I answered "Ah, so you are alive." but had no desire to speak to him. I learned he had another week in AZ before heading out again. Do you think he asked to see me? No.
The Principal is out of the country and I never want to hear from him again.
What ever happened to good-byes?
I'll make this short as possible, because it mostly repeats my past relationship with this guy.
I continued to see The Principal. We had dinner, talked occasionally. All the while he was accepting the job in South Africa and planning his move. He'd throw a line out there about wanting to take me with him. How I could not work and focus on my writing. When he started putting the moves on me my reaction was so alien I began to believe I was a different person. We made love. So very different from before, when we were just getting it on. I stared into his eyes and thought "you're imperfect, but I love you for it".
But he didn't talk. There was no platitudes about how he would miss me, just "The timing is never right." I would ask about feelings and never get a straight answer. I was busy trying to love someone who would never truly love me back. His goals, his making up for lost time being a productive business man, would always take precedence over me. Like all stupid bitches in love I wondered if it was just that or if I was the wrong girl for him. What was I lacking?
The Principal and I met for dinner in Chandler. I sat patiently as he talked about all his travel arrangements to leave the country in a week. All I could focus on was the fact that he hadn't hugged me, or kissed me, or touched me all night. Next week he would be across the country and he didn't feel any urgency to be near to me. Every bit of this is wrong. I said so. He told me he had to do this, leave to make a career for himself. I tried to listen but there was soft buzzing in my ears, dread.
When we parted ways he said "I'm just not the right one for you, am I?" and despite my strong composure throughout our entire time knowing each other I launched myself into his arms and cried. He could have been if he wanted me as badly as I wanted him. He could have tried harder. He could have tried at all.
And we continued to talk after he left. I counted the hours difference and waited but it took a week before he contacted me. Emailed he would call tomorrow and never did. I was in a state of nervous turmoil checking my phone all day, all night, waking up to check at 3am. After two days of this, exhausted and un-sleeping I gave up. But that's always when he calls. I began to depend on calling him late at night or mid morning. Venting about my new job, just hearing his laugh. He would back in AZ in a month and I would get to see him.
As he made his journey across the ocean and the country I counted the hours, marking where he would be. He'd said on the phone he wanted to see me when he got in, jet lag be damned. I was more important. My heart, stupidly, jumped. When I rang the bell at his house I was considering just launching myself into his arms. Even if he was tired we could wrap around each other, talk, hold on... But I had to ring the bell again and waited. My cheeks began to burn. He forgot? Passed out? Missed his flight? Eventually he answered the door only to stare at me in confusion and scratch his head. He noticed a package and bent over taking 5 minutes to try to retrieve it mumbling about how sleepy he was. I wanted to run. My face was in shock position.
Reluctantly, I entered his lair. He plopped on the sofa where I was forced to sit and chat about my work while he continued to snooze. I wanted to cry. I left 15 minutes later so I could do just that. He didn't call for two days, then we only spoke for five minutes about how he had to go to NM to check his house before his parents came into town, then got off the phone to eat his pizza saying he'd call me a little later. The next day all I got was a text he was in NM. Then silence. For a week. I woke up in the middle of the night and left him a voice message, anticipating he would just take off back to South Africa without telling me or seeing me again. It two days before he called me back.
I was sitting at a restaurant with Julie when he called. I answered "Ah, so you are alive." but had no desire to speak to him. I learned he had another week in AZ before heading out again. Do you think he asked to see me? No.
The Principal is out of the country and I never want to hear from him again.
What ever happened to good-byes?
Monday, January 7, 2013
The Principal Responds...
I awoke Monday morning, glanced at my phone and still nothing. I had been completely blown off by the Principal and I needed to get over it. Truth is, all my anger had drained to the point where I felt empty. Men simply did find me worthy enough to share their mediocre lives. Time to embrace being a single lady for the rest of my days. Yes, I am 31 and I give up.
9:00am Principal: Wow. That's some interesting messaging. Would have helped if I had read it yesterday rather than this morning.
Who the hell doesn't look at their phone for over 24 hours? Who? My 66 year old mother checks her IPhone regularly. Did it not occur to him to contact me at all yesterday?
9:24am ME: That's it?
10:54am Principal: Well I wanted to let you know that I had just read these given your assumption. I think the fact that I'm being extremely cautious about you and I and feeling things out slowly is likely making it appear that I'm "not interested".
11:15am ME: Taking things slow is one thing. Wondering if you're interested is another.
11:38am Principal: I am interested but I'm moving at a snail's pace. I didn't see a question asking me that only a revelation that you decided was the case.
Should I have been more direct? Sure! Have I always been the one who has to draw out how he feels about me? Yes! So forgive me if I just wanted to make a statement about how you happen to consistently come across.
11:47am ME: It wasn't a question, it was a conclusion. The lax communication was beginning to give me heart burn.
12:08pm Principal: My apologies, Not my intentions.
12:34pm ME: It was a pointless text.
And no more from the Principal. I hada fraction of a hope he would be waiting at my house when I drove home from work. Or left flowers. But I bet the thought never even crossed his mind. He didn't bother to call either.
I drove over to Julies's where she made me dinner and discussed the many dysfunctions of men. I just feel empty. Even my ex-boyfriend who had once loved me couldn't get excited enough to be with me. What hope would I ever have to find someone who does? How could I be stupid enough to think the Principal would go out of his way to tell me he cares?
If this man can't even call me, I guess he can't really ever love me.
9:00am Principal: Wow. That's some interesting messaging. Would have helped if I had read it yesterday rather than this morning.
Who the hell doesn't look at their phone for over 24 hours? Who? My 66 year old mother checks her IPhone regularly. Did it not occur to him to contact me at all yesterday?
9:24am ME: That's it?
10:54am Principal: Well I wanted to let you know that I had just read these given your assumption. I think the fact that I'm being extremely cautious about you and I and feeling things out slowly is likely making it appear that I'm "not interested".
11:15am ME: Taking things slow is one thing. Wondering if you're interested is another.
11:38am Principal: I am interested but I'm moving at a snail's pace. I didn't see a question asking me that only a revelation that you decided was the case.
Should I have been more direct? Sure! Have I always been the one who has to draw out how he feels about me? Yes! So forgive me if I just wanted to make a statement about how you happen to consistently come across.
11:47am ME: It wasn't a question, it was a conclusion. The lax communication was beginning to give me heart burn.
12:08pm Principal: My apologies, Not my intentions.
12:34pm ME: It was a pointless text.
And no more from the Principal. I hada fraction of a hope he would be waiting at my house when I drove home from work. Or left flowers. But I bet the thought never even crossed his mind. He didn't bother to call either.
I drove over to Julies's where she made me dinner and discussed the many dysfunctions of men. I just feel empty. Even my ex-boyfriend who had once loved me couldn't get excited enough to be with me. What hope would I ever have to find someone who does? How could I be stupid enough to think the Principal would go out of his way to tell me he cares?
If this man can't even call me, I guess he can't really ever love me.
User's Guide for Women
Some easy tips for men not to be such idiots.
1) Call or text daily. It doesn't have to be a long, involved conversation. Just contact.
2) Ask what SHE has been doing.
3) Mention the following on a regular basis or insert into silences
A. I missed you
B. I have been thinking about you/ You have been on my mind
C. You are beautiful/pretty/cute/funny/wonderful
4) Bring up how you thought about something discussed previously or that something reminded you of her
5) Make eye contact
6) Touch her arm/neck/back/knee (keep it PG, perverts)
7) Kiss her or hug her just for the hell of it
8) Make plans a couple days or a week out to show a future. It says "See! I will still want to be with you in a week!" The plans could be simple, like coffee or watching a movie together. It is the time that matters.
9) Go out of your way every once and a while and you will be rewarded ten fold. Example: If she has had a really tough time at work offer to pick her up for lunch to get her mind off it or send flowers or a thoughtful card/email.
10) Just be present. When talking or in silence just be aware of her. No one wants to be an accessory.
If men did half of this a woman would never doubt his interest.
1) Call or text daily. It doesn't have to be a long, involved conversation. Just contact.
2) Ask what SHE has been doing.
3) Mention the following on a regular basis or insert into silences
A. I missed you
B. I have been thinking about you/ You have been on my mind
C. You are beautiful/pretty/cute/funny/wonderful
4) Bring up how you thought about something discussed previously or that something reminded you of her
5) Make eye contact
6) Touch her arm/neck/back/knee (keep it PG, perverts)
7) Kiss her or hug her just for the hell of it
8) Make plans a couple days or a week out to show a future. It says "See! I will still want to be with you in a week!" The plans could be simple, like coffee or watching a movie together. It is the time that matters.
9) Go out of your way every once and a while and you will be rewarded ten fold. Example: If she has had a really tough time at work offer to pick her up for lunch to get her mind off it or send flowers or a thoughtful card/email.
10) Just be present. When talking or in silence just be aware of her. No one wants to be an accessory.
If men did half of this a woman would never doubt his interest.
Sunday, January 6, 2013
People Do NOT Change
I am mad at the Principal, but really I can only be mad at myself. Following a Merry Christmas text the Principal did not contact me the rest of the week. My sister and brother-in-law were texting me non-stop asking if I had heard about the job yet. While I hadn't counted on hearing before the new year, I got a call Thursday. They loved me and felt like they hit the jackpot. I love being loved!!!
I wanted to wait until the Principal initiated contact before telling him. He should, after all, be pursuing me. By Saturday I was pissed. So what if he is Indiana? He couldn't take 5 seconds to text me? Man, he must be over the freaking moon to have another chance with me, right? Knocking down my door practically.
Stupid me texted him. And he congratulated me. And I said thanks. The end.
He ended up calling me later that night after drinking scotch with his dear old dad. My heart was in take off position but decided to stay on the tarmac after he went into a rant about his family's bickering. I listened, read part of my book, scanned Facebook, drank beer, anything that would keep me from going insane. After about a half hour I interrupted and went into what my family had fought about and my job offer. He asked a few questions, I thought the conversation was actually starting to take off... then, engine failure. Back to him.
In the days following I kept the contact up, knowing full well that I deserved to be strung up for such treason to myself. But the little part of me inside was begging, no starving for some attention knowing I would never be satisfied. New Year's Eve I gave up. He could contact me when and if he wanted to.
Julie and I decided to stay home, drink beer alone and occasionally text each other. Built a fire, drank way too much with the dogs and fell asleep on the couch. Julie came over the next night to watch me bake cookies and rant about her EX whom she failed to sever contact with. When I had irritated her enough with my opinions, she asked about the Principal.
"You text that asshole right now and ask if he's still fucking alive."
So I did, and he was. Just got back into town and was feeling sickly. I told him to feel better.
"You should have told him to go to hell..."
Nothing the next day. Which was Wednesday, my cut off day for asking me out for the weekend. Thursday he texted that he was dying and asked if I had any last requests. Ha. Ha ha. Some sex? That he would pull his head out of his ass? In the end I primly responded that if he was dying too quickly for medical care he probably didn't have time for last requests. He agreed. Then nothing more from me.
Friday night he left a voice mail at 8pm. Too late. I might be doing something at that time of night other than watching the Karate Kid series and Bruce Lee movies. I called him back and left a voice mail at 1pm the next day. He didn't feel the need to call me back until close to seven. I remember this. I hated this. Looking at my phone constantly. Waiting. Analyzing. Feeling like I just wasn't exciting enough for him to respond.
I answered this time and he whined about his cold, which he had not yet gone to the doctor for. As fun as this was to talk about I had promised Julie I would go to a bar with her to "hunt" for available men. I told the Principal what I needed to get in the shower for and got off the phone. But when I thought about it, the last place I wanted to go was a bar and listening to Julie talk to guys while I sat there with no one paying any attention to me thinking about how very unappealing I must be to the male species. Or worse yet, meeting someone who will inevitably ignore me or dump me via text like my most recent ex's.
So I texted Julie a rain check, took a shower and changed into more comfy sweats and read a romance novel. (Shut UP Chloe, they are healthier than crack!) I was enjoying myself, loving the patio fire when I got hit for the second time this week by the justice train. The Principal was just not that into me. In the three weeks since he has re-entered my life, but not me because I have a pox against any chance of ever getting laid again, my confidence and happiness has shrivelled. I have turned into that desperate 28 year old waiting by her phone just in case he decided I was worthy of his attention. Well, NO MORE. No more men, no more Principal, no more opportunities for people to walk all over me. I am a strong person who can take care of herself and a small horde of beasties.
Saturday 11:20pm Me: I am having a great revelation tonight. You are still not "that" interested in me and I should just stop worrying about it.
The next day: Nothing.
Sunday 9pm Me: I am interpreting you silence as agreement.
Still nothing. Seems like his vow to change his flaws and communicate better was extremely short lived.
I wanted to wait until the Principal initiated contact before telling him. He should, after all, be pursuing me. By Saturday I was pissed. So what if he is Indiana? He couldn't take 5 seconds to text me? Man, he must be over the freaking moon to have another chance with me, right? Knocking down my door practically.
Stupid me texted him. And he congratulated me. And I said thanks. The end.
He ended up calling me later that night after drinking scotch with his dear old dad. My heart was in take off position but decided to stay on the tarmac after he went into a rant about his family's bickering. I listened, read part of my book, scanned Facebook, drank beer, anything that would keep me from going insane. After about a half hour I interrupted and went into what my family had fought about and my job offer. He asked a few questions, I thought the conversation was actually starting to take off... then, engine failure. Back to him.
In the days following I kept the contact up, knowing full well that I deserved to be strung up for such treason to myself. But the little part of me inside was begging, no starving for some attention knowing I would never be satisfied. New Year's Eve I gave up. He could contact me when and if he wanted to.
Julie and I decided to stay home, drink beer alone and occasionally text each other. Built a fire, drank way too much with the dogs and fell asleep on the couch. Julie came over the next night to watch me bake cookies and rant about her EX whom she failed to sever contact with. When I had irritated her enough with my opinions, she asked about the Principal.
"You text that asshole right now and ask if he's still fucking alive."
So I did, and he was. Just got back into town and was feeling sickly. I told him to feel better.
"You should have told him to go to hell..."
Nothing the next day. Which was Wednesday, my cut off day for asking me out for the weekend. Thursday he texted that he was dying and asked if I had any last requests. Ha. Ha ha. Some sex? That he would pull his head out of his ass? In the end I primly responded that if he was dying too quickly for medical care he probably didn't have time for last requests. He agreed. Then nothing more from me.
Friday night he left a voice mail at 8pm. Too late. I might be doing something at that time of night other than watching the Karate Kid series and Bruce Lee movies. I called him back and left a voice mail at 1pm the next day. He didn't feel the need to call me back until close to seven. I remember this. I hated this. Looking at my phone constantly. Waiting. Analyzing. Feeling like I just wasn't exciting enough for him to respond.
I answered this time and he whined about his cold, which he had not yet gone to the doctor for. As fun as this was to talk about I had promised Julie I would go to a bar with her to "hunt" for available men. I told the Principal what I needed to get in the shower for and got off the phone. But when I thought about it, the last place I wanted to go was a bar and listening to Julie talk to guys while I sat there with no one paying any attention to me thinking about how very unappealing I must be to the male species. Or worse yet, meeting someone who will inevitably ignore me or dump me via text like my most recent ex's.
So I texted Julie a rain check, took a shower and changed into more comfy sweats and read a romance novel. (Shut UP Chloe, they are healthier than crack!) I was enjoying myself, loving the patio fire when I got hit for the second time this week by the justice train. The Principal was just not that into me. In the three weeks since he has re-entered my life, but not me because I have a pox against any chance of ever getting laid again, my confidence and happiness has shrivelled. I have turned into that desperate 28 year old waiting by her phone just in case he decided I was worthy of his attention. Well, NO MORE. No more men, no more Principal, no more opportunities for people to walk all over me. I am a strong person who can take care of herself and a small horde of beasties.
Saturday 11:20pm Me: I am having a great revelation tonight. You are still not "that" interested in me and I should just stop worrying about it.
The next day: Nothing.
Sunday 9pm Me: I am interpreting you silence as agreement.
Still nothing. Seems like his vow to change his flaws and communicate better was extremely short lived.
The Engineer Gets Weird
I had hoped the Engineer would just fade away but I am never that lucky. A few days after our date I was in Kohl's, the most horrible store on earth, trying to find a suitable pair of black dress pants to wear at my job interview. And I also needed a new bra, as the one I was wearing every day since I bought a year ago had elected to go rogue and was currently stabbing me in the rib. Shopping when you have to is painful.
Anyway, my phone starts buzzing and I see it's the Engineer calling. Sigh. I would call him back when I finally made it home and let him down that we are not a match. I listen to his voicemail while sifting through the 1.2 million bras messily arranged so no one would EVER find the right style and size. He was going on and on and ON about how he knew how much he liked me when we met at the bar and felt like he really connected to me on our date and had some great ideas for our next one but would rather discuss over the phone than by voice mail so if I could just please call him back? I hate to say this but I was a little freaked out.
I arrived home after spending too much money and way too much time, but a girl has to look good for an interview, right? I saw I had a text from the Engineer. It was another novella.
Engineer: I feel like I know you pretty well. You would have answered my call or text if you were interested in going on another date. I am disappointed, but I am a big boy and I understand the complexities of meshing to two lives. Kate, I respect you opinion... I would appreciate any advice you can give me on dating or how I may come across.... be honest...... I always want to better myself in any way I can. thx
This text made me unreasonably angry. First of all, he had called me little over an hour ago and he had no idea what my schedule is like or what I might be doing. The disappointed shtick? Ugh! We went out once!
Me: I just got home from shopping and have not had a chance to listen to my voice mails. I see you called at ten to 7, and I have not received any texts from you today. I'm sorry I did not respond to you more quickly.
That may have seemed nice when written down but I looked furious tapping it out. He responded quickly apologizing and still wanting to go out and asking what I bought. I bought "None of your fucking business!" I told him that dating is tough but he should really not assume the worst and wait to hear from someone. And because I am so nice/stupid I agreed to go out one more time where I would tell him thanks but no thanks.
The Engineer continued to send me long texts which he inserted his "talent" for story telling and I wanted to scratch out my eyes. The holidays came and went and the day loomed nigh that I would have to see him again. After the hell of Christmas, I needed time away from people. So I told him I had a cold. He asked if I really wanted to get together again. Scented my lie and called me out on it. I told him I hoped I would get better soon. The out of nowhere he sends this long text, in poem format about how he had doubted me and was so relieved I still wanted to see him and how now all that concerned him was my health. Gak! I chose not to respond.
Needless to say, he took this as it was intended and sent me another goodbye.
Engineer: Let's face it.... When I am single I go out too often, I drink too much and I forget how old I am. I usually worry about dating a girl I met in a bar. I don't want to date someone who drinks too much or too often. If I meet a good girl then they will think the same of me. Basically, it never works. I;m just about sure that is what happened here. If this was going to work we would have gone one a second date by now. I appreciate the time you have invested in this and if I see you out again I hope you will say hi. Thanks for everything.
What a freak show.
Me: OK.... I wish you well. Happy New Year.
But later that night my version of Kelly's justice police flared and I thought, what the hell.
Me: I have to tell you I've been put off by your ability to assume. you met me in a bar on the rare occasion that I went to one. I was not looking to date but liked you and your friends and took a chance. The holidays are stressful and time consuming therefore limiting communication. I felt like you were constantly looking for my rejection and, quite personally, I had not gotten to know you well enough to form an opinion on the matter. I really do wish you well and hope to see you out again but please do not assume you know what someone else is thinking or feeling.
Justice served until he came back with apologies and wanting to go out again. What the fuck is wrong with him? Oh, OK. I would love to go out with a needy, assuming bastard who's texts are longer than my hand. Sounds dandy. But wait, sorry I have already committed to sticking my head in the oven.
I did what I should have done in the beginning.
Me: Thank you, but no.
Anyway, my phone starts buzzing and I see it's the Engineer calling. Sigh. I would call him back when I finally made it home and let him down that we are not a match. I listen to his voicemail while sifting through the 1.2 million bras messily arranged so no one would EVER find the right style and size. He was going on and on and ON about how he knew how much he liked me when we met at the bar and felt like he really connected to me on our date and had some great ideas for our next one but would rather discuss over the phone than by voice mail so if I could just please call him back? I hate to say this but I was a little freaked out.
I arrived home after spending too much money and way too much time, but a girl has to look good for an interview, right? I saw I had a text from the Engineer. It was another novella.
Engineer: I feel like I know you pretty well. You would have answered my call or text if you were interested in going on another date. I am disappointed, but I am a big boy and I understand the complexities of meshing to two lives. Kate, I respect you opinion... I would appreciate any advice you can give me on dating or how I may come across.... be honest...... I always want to better myself in any way I can. thx
This text made me unreasonably angry. First of all, he had called me little over an hour ago and he had no idea what my schedule is like or what I might be doing. The disappointed shtick? Ugh! We went out once!
Me: I just got home from shopping and have not had a chance to listen to my voice mails. I see you called at ten to 7, and I have not received any texts from you today. I'm sorry I did not respond to you more quickly.
That may have seemed nice when written down but I looked furious tapping it out. He responded quickly apologizing and still wanting to go out and asking what I bought. I bought "None of your fucking business!" I told him that dating is tough but he should really not assume the worst and wait to hear from someone. And because I am so nice/stupid I agreed to go out one more time where I would tell him thanks but no thanks.
The Engineer continued to send me long texts which he inserted his "talent" for story telling and I wanted to scratch out my eyes. The holidays came and went and the day loomed nigh that I would have to see him again. After the hell of Christmas, I needed time away from people. So I told him I had a cold. He asked if I really wanted to get together again. Scented my lie and called me out on it. I told him I hoped I would get better soon. The out of nowhere he sends this long text, in poem format about how he had doubted me and was so relieved I still wanted to see him and how now all that concerned him was my health. Gak! I chose not to respond.
Needless to say, he took this as it was intended and sent me another goodbye.
Engineer: Let's face it.... When I am single I go out too often, I drink too much and I forget how old I am. I usually worry about dating a girl I met in a bar. I don't want to date someone who drinks too much or too often. If I meet a good girl then they will think the same of me. Basically, it never works. I;m just about sure that is what happened here. If this was going to work we would have gone one a second date by now. I appreciate the time you have invested in this and if I see you out again I hope you will say hi. Thanks for everything.
What a freak show.
Me: OK.... I wish you well. Happy New Year.
But later that night my version of Kelly's justice police flared and I thought, what the hell.
Me: I have to tell you I've been put off by your ability to assume. you met me in a bar on the rare occasion that I went to one. I was not looking to date but liked you and your friends and took a chance. The holidays are stressful and time consuming therefore limiting communication. I felt like you were constantly looking for my rejection and, quite personally, I had not gotten to know you well enough to form an opinion on the matter. I really do wish you well and hope to see you out again but please do not assume you know what someone else is thinking or feeling.
Justice served until he came back with apologies and wanting to go out again. What the fuck is wrong with him? Oh, OK. I would love to go out with a needy, assuming bastard who's texts are longer than my hand. Sounds dandy. But wait, sorry I have already committed to sticking my head in the oven.
I did what I should have done in the beginning.
Me: Thank you, but no.
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
2nd Second Date and So On with the Principal
The Principal invites me to dinner at a nice restaurant in Phoenix for our second date, the 2nd time around. I'm a bit nervous for several reasons. First, I don't know if I want to give this another try. People can't really change and we didn't work the first time. Second, it is raining, making it prime sit on my patio reading a book time. Third, he had mentioned wanting to kiss me when we talked on the phone and I wonder if there will be any spark there...
Well, the restaurant was very hip. Delicious food- he paid. The Principal was so cheery. Conversation was a great back and forth. I talked about my upcoming trip to Denver for the final interview of a job I now really wanted. He talked about his travels for work. We were having such a nice time we went back to Rosie's across the street for another drink. I was really enjoying myself! I was reminded of all the good times we had when we were getting to know one another, only this time we were able to have a blast after all the crap we'd gone through!
He drove me back to my car and we sat in his chatting for a while. He leaned over "I'm going to kiss you now" and I let him. We made out in a very PG fashion for several minutes, his hand in my hair, my hand about his waste. It was pleasant. I did not have the urge to jump his bones. I did not get all tingly. I think my hormones are broken.
We texted a little through out the weekend, but I was already starting to feel that nagging in the back of my brain. I kept thinking I should hear something more. He should tell me how he feels, or that he enjoyed being with me. In the end I asked, because I wanted to know. Like I always have. Like I will probably always have to if I continue seeing the Principal... He responded that "it felt good, felt right."
Throughout the week I would get a text now and then. I can almost time when they will come in. That is how well I remember his lax communication style and it is making me want to pull out my hair again.
We agree to get sushi Friday night, a week since our last date. Eager to see me, the Principal has never been. As I drive north to meet him I consider the contrast between Work Guy and the Principal. Polar opposites who both gave me anxiety attacks. This one too little communication, the other wants to know what I am thinking right after I thought it. One ca wait a week or two to see me, the other couldn't understand why I didn't want to be with him every night.
The Principal has a nice place, very grown up and well decorated. he showed me paintings and souvenirs he'd collected on his travels abroad for work. I was floating along fairly numb trying to get a feel for him and what the hell we are attempting by spending time together.
The sushi place was a whole in the wall with great rolls and terrible customer service. After being seated, the Princpal went into a monologue about his work. There had been some gossip that the guy he worked with in South Africa wanted the Principal to replace the current retiring supply chain manager. Naturally, this was all talk. There hasn't even been a job posting. It would be a major step up for him. Spend two years in South Africa and have the opportunity to run a much larger portion of the world's supply chain. He wouldn't get excited about it until it was verbally discussed with him by his boss.
I sat there drinking my beer, eating my sushi, and plotting his death. had we driven separately to the restaurant I probably would have stood up and walked out. Instead I sat there and allowed him to dig his own grave. Back at his house he continued to talk, trying to entertain me with his stories but I wasn't in the mood. I wasn't involved in anything he had to say therefore I ceased to give a fuck. Did he ask my opinion or input? No. They never do. Women serve one purpose for men = SEX. And since I wasn't going to get any of that ever again in my life I decided to go home.
The Principal kissed me, we embraced. Lovely really. It never reached my nether regions, which after over a year of deprivation you would think it would get heated up over some light making out..... Sigh. I am broken.
I walked out the door, turned around and told the already closing door Merry Christmas. Said door opens and Principal comes back for some kissing. Pivotal moment. He could have said something like "I will miss you when I'm away" or "You're beautiful" or "Stay". But no. He went back inside and shut the door again.
The next day I embarked on my Christmas shopping and kept thinking over and over again about him moving. Again. How could he sit right in front of me talking about something like that, never considering how low it would make me feel? Yet again, he is in the position to make me feel like an accessory. Not worthy of, I don't know, staying in one place long enough to love me? Does he think I will actually spend time with him if he's up for moving again?
I stewed for a bit, texted Julie about it, and finally decided to call he Principal. We chit chatted a bit before I got to the reason I called.
"So, I need to talk to you about the whole South Africa job possibility..."
"Yeah, I thought you might. It really isn't much more than a rumor at this point. I should know more next month."
"I understand that, but if taking an opportunity like this is something you would be excited about or consider then it is possible something else could materialize in 6 months or a year. If you would be willing to pursue moving again I don't want to continue seeing each other." There.
"I wouldn't ever want to put you in that position again. Let's just have fun and see where this is going. Priorities change. Right now I am single, no kids or animals so moving is easy for me. But 6 months from now who knows?"
"I understand that."
But what I really wanted to say was:
"Fuck you. So, let me get this straight. If I make you want me enough then you will change your priorities? You're a 37 year old man who has never been married, has no kids and you would consider moving to South Africa because you have nothing better going on in your life than a job? What is the matter with you? You'll never have those things if you don't make a fucking effort! So let's lay this all out on the table. Do you see a future with me at all? And if so, why the hell would you think moving again would be acceptable to talk about?"
Of course I didn't say any of that.
The Principal said he would call me the next day. He didn't.
Three days later I got a Merry Christmas text and I wanted to scream, but all the air has gone out.
Well, the restaurant was very hip. Delicious food- he paid. The Principal was so cheery. Conversation was a great back and forth. I talked about my upcoming trip to Denver for the final interview of a job I now really wanted. He talked about his travels for work. We were having such a nice time we went back to Rosie's across the street for another drink. I was really enjoying myself! I was reminded of all the good times we had when we were getting to know one another, only this time we were able to have a blast after all the crap we'd gone through!
He drove me back to my car and we sat in his chatting for a while. He leaned over "I'm going to kiss you now" and I let him. We made out in a very PG fashion for several minutes, his hand in my hair, my hand about his waste. It was pleasant. I did not have the urge to jump his bones. I did not get all tingly. I think my hormones are broken.
We texted a little through out the weekend, but I was already starting to feel that nagging in the back of my brain. I kept thinking I should hear something more. He should tell me how he feels, or that he enjoyed being with me. In the end I asked, because I wanted to know. Like I always have. Like I will probably always have to if I continue seeing the Principal... He responded that "it felt good, felt right."
Throughout the week I would get a text now and then. I can almost time when they will come in. That is how well I remember his lax communication style and it is making me want to pull out my hair again.
We agree to get sushi Friday night, a week since our last date. Eager to see me, the Principal has never been. As I drive north to meet him I consider the contrast between Work Guy and the Principal. Polar opposites who both gave me anxiety attacks. This one too little communication, the other wants to know what I am thinking right after I thought it. One ca wait a week or two to see me, the other couldn't understand why I didn't want to be with him every night.
The Principal has a nice place, very grown up and well decorated. he showed me paintings and souvenirs he'd collected on his travels abroad for work. I was floating along fairly numb trying to get a feel for him and what the hell we are attempting by spending time together.
The sushi place was a whole in the wall with great rolls and terrible customer service. After being seated, the Princpal went into a monologue about his work. There had been some gossip that the guy he worked with in South Africa wanted the Principal to replace the current retiring supply chain manager. Naturally, this was all talk. There hasn't even been a job posting. It would be a major step up for him. Spend two years in South Africa and have the opportunity to run a much larger portion of the world's supply chain. He wouldn't get excited about it until it was verbally discussed with him by his boss.
I sat there drinking my beer, eating my sushi, and plotting his death. had we driven separately to the restaurant I probably would have stood up and walked out. Instead I sat there and allowed him to dig his own grave. Back at his house he continued to talk, trying to entertain me with his stories but I wasn't in the mood. I wasn't involved in anything he had to say therefore I ceased to give a fuck. Did he ask my opinion or input? No. They never do. Women serve one purpose for men = SEX. And since I wasn't going to get any of that ever again in my life I decided to go home.
The Principal kissed me, we embraced. Lovely really. It never reached my nether regions, which after over a year of deprivation you would think it would get heated up over some light making out..... Sigh. I am broken.
I walked out the door, turned around and told the already closing door Merry Christmas. Said door opens and Principal comes back for some kissing. Pivotal moment. He could have said something like "I will miss you when I'm away" or "You're beautiful" or "Stay". But no. He went back inside and shut the door again.
The next day I embarked on my Christmas shopping and kept thinking over and over again about him moving. Again. How could he sit right in front of me talking about something like that, never considering how low it would make me feel? Yet again, he is in the position to make me feel like an accessory. Not worthy of, I don't know, staying in one place long enough to love me? Does he think I will actually spend time with him if he's up for moving again?
I stewed for a bit, texted Julie about it, and finally decided to call he Principal. We chit chatted a bit before I got to the reason I called.
"So, I need to talk to you about the whole South Africa job possibility..."
"Yeah, I thought you might. It really isn't much more than a rumor at this point. I should know more next month."
"I understand that, but if taking an opportunity like this is something you would be excited about or consider then it is possible something else could materialize in 6 months or a year. If you would be willing to pursue moving again I don't want to continue seeing each other." There.
"I wouldn't ever want to put you in that position again. Let's just have fun and see where this is going. Priorities change. Right now I am single, no kids or animals so moving is easy for me. But 6 months from now who knows?"
"I understand that."
But what I really wanted to say was:
"Fuck you. So, let me get this straight. If I make you want me enough then you will change your priorities? You're a 37 year old man who has never been married, has no kids and you would consider moving to South Africa because you have nothing better going on in your life than a job? What is the matter with you? You'll never have those things if you don't make a fucking effort! So let's lay this all out on the table. Do you see a future with me at all? And if so, why the hell would you think moving again would be acceptable to talk about?"
Of course I didn't say any of that.
The Principal said he would call me the next day. He didn't.
Three days later I got a Merry Christmas text and I wanted to scream, but all the air has gone out.
Monday, December 31, 2012
Wondering about the Principal
I sat around, wondering when the Principal would suggest we meet again. After exchanging his paperwork last week and having a surprisingly great time, I had heard NOTHING. I attempted to dial back my irritation by being realistic. Maybe it had meant nothing to him to see me again. It was just a pleasant night and that was it.
So I went about my life figuring the Principal was over me and I would probably not hear from him again.
Until Tuesday night, a week since we had drinks. I was watching The Walking Dead and drinking beer and minding my own business when my brain exploded. I wanted to know damn it! Why does it always have to be my mind working over drive? Why can't the Principal just tell me how he is feeling for once in his life?
Yes, I am a moron. I texted him. Testing the waters for something I don't even know if I want.
10:29pm
Me: Just wondering if it was weird for you meeting up with me last week...
I didn't expect to hear back that night and was starting to beat myself up about reaching out. Hadn't I learned from our previous relationship that I would ask, beg and fish for attention always left to wonder and wait.
The next day I hear back at 9:55am
Principal: If you're not busy tonight how bout I give you a call
Oh shit. My palms start sweating and I figure the Principal is going to tell me to leave him alone. He's just going to prove how mature he is by not texting drunk at 10:30 at night when there is less likelihood that anyone will respond. I am squirming in my chair staring at this stupid phone. And I AM busy tonight, I have a date with the Engineer.
Me: I'm sorry, I shouldn't have have asked that. I didn't mean to make it awkward. You can call me if you like, I will be home after 9.
No texts back. I dreaded driving home from my date at 9:10 that night. Would he call? Did he take my apology as a brush off? How, two years after we've been broken up I am already in this familiar, anxious place?
He called at 9:30 and we had a general conversation, but I was so nervous I thought I would laugh hysterically at any moment. Eventually, he got to the text. Probably thought he had disarmed me and could now go in for the kill.
Turns out, he wanted to explain how excited he was to see me last week. Kept telling himself to reign it back, take it slow. The Principal said he left our meeting with a "flood of emotions" and didn't sound sarcastic or like his throat caught on fire from the words. He goes on about thinking how he should ask me out to see The Hobbit, since we both like that stuff, or taking the dogs for a hike. He realized we couldn't jump back into things, but the fact that I said I wanted to hang out again brought back all of his old "feelings".
I was sitting there with my mouth open unable to respond.
The Principal was using foreign words comfortably. The story behind that was this: We broke up and he was stuck in a tiny town, for which he was later grateful. He had nothing to distract him, like he would have been in a city, and was forced to take a hard look at his flaws. There were some flaws that just make him who he is and some flaws he could work on to be a better person. He couldn't believe he had let something so stupid as talking about his "feelings" get in the way of a meaningful relationship or that he had been so selfish only talking about his move/work.
This new self evaluation made him remember the first time he had returned to my house after being in New Mexico and I had ran out of the house and jumped into his arms. Here, he had had someone so excited to see him that I ran to him. And then week by week my reaction had lessened because he wasn't returning the excitement. It made him sad.
Then, he had the opportunity to see me again after two years and was finally in a better place. When we had parted for the night the Principal had several scenarios running through his head.
1) Should he go in for a kiss or would I be offended?
2) Maybe a peck on the cheek?
3) Friendly hug? (Which ended up being the one he went for)
We laughed and he kept saying the words "emotions" and "feelings" and even though he wasn't good at talking about them he vowed to himself he would change that flaw. I asked if he was a pod person.
My head was reeling by his sincerity. The fact the Principal could acknowledge he had needed to change and would not have had that opportunity if I hadn't broken things off when I did. He said it all very matter of fact, not like he was feeding me a line.
We agreed to go to dinner on Friday night.
"So.... Can I ask you an awkward question?"
"You can ask me anything you want." He says in a very sober voice.
"Does this mean you are trying to date me?" Small voice, wanting to hide under a rock....
"Yes, yes it does."
"OK, I just wanted to be clear on that. Make sure you make plans and call me in advance." He laughs manically.
"I can do that!"
We'll see.............
So I went about my life figuring the Principal was over me and I would probably not hear from him again.
Until Tuesday night, a week since we had drinks. I was watching The Walking Dead and drinking beer and minding my own business when my brain exploded. I wanted to know damn it! Why does it always have to be my mind working over drive? Why can't the Principal just tell me how he is feeling for once in his life?
Yes, I am a moron. I texted him. Testing the waters for something I don't even know if I want.
10:29pm
Me: Just wondering if it was weird for you meeting up with me last week...
I didn't expect to hear back that night and was starting to beat myself up about reaching out. Hadn't I learned from our previous relationship that I would ask, beg and fish for attention always left to wonder and wait.
The next day I hear back at 9:55am
Principal: If you're not busy tonight how bout I give you a call
Oh shit. My palms start sweating and I figure the Principal is going to tell me to leave him alone. He's just going to prove how mature he is by not texting drunk at 10:30 at night when there is less likelihood that anyone will respond. I am squirming in my chair staring at this stupid phone. And I AM busy tonight, I have a date with the Engineer.
Me: I'm sorry, I shouldn't have have asked that. I didn't mean to make it awkward. You can call me if you like, I will be home after 9.
No texts back. I dreaded driving home from my date at 9:10 that night. Would he call? Did he take my apology as a brush off? How, two years after we've been broken up I am already in this familiar, anxious place?
He called at 9:30 and we had a general conversation, but I was so nervous I thought I would laugh hysterically at any moment. Eventually, he got to the text. Probably thought he had disarmed me and could now go in for the kill.
Turns out, he wanted to explain how excited he was to see me last week. Kept telling himself to reign it back, take it slow. The Principal said he left our meeting with a "flood of emotions" and didn't sound sarcastic or like his throat caught on fire from the words. He goes on about thinking how he should ask me out to see The Hobbit, since we both like that stuff, or taking the dogs for a hike. He realized we couldn't jump back into things, but the fact that I said I wanted to hang out again brought back all of his old "feelings".
I was sitting there with my mouth open unable to respond.
The Principal was using foreign words comfortably. The story behind that was this: We broke up and he was stuck in a tiny town, for which he was later grateful. He had nothing to distract him, like he would have been in a city, and was forced to take a hard look at his flaws. There were some flaws that just make him who he is and some flaws he could work on to be a better person. He couldn't believe he had let something so stupid as talking about his "feelings" get in the way of a meaningful relationship or that he had been so selfish only talking about his move/work.
This new self evaluation made him remember the first time he had returned to my house after being in New Mexico and I had ran out of the house and jumped into his arms. Here, he had had someone so excited to see him that I ran to him. And then week by week my reaction had lessened because he wasn't returning the excitement. It made him sad.
Then, he had the opportunity to see me again after two years and was finally in a better place. When we had parted for the night the Principal had several scenarios running through his head.
1) Should he go in for a kiss or would I be offended?
2) Maybe a peck on the cheek?
3) Friendly hug? (Which ended up being the one he went for)
We laughed and he kept saying the words "emotions" and "feelings" and even though he wasn't good at talking about them he vowed to himself he would change that flaw. I asked if he was a pod person.
My head was reeling by his sincerity. The fact the Principal could acknowledge he had needed to change and would not have had that opportunity if I hadn't broken things off when I did. He said it all very matter of fact, not like he was feeding me a line.
We agreed to go to dinner on Friday night.
"So.... Can I ask you an awkward question?"
"You can ask me anything you want." He says in a very sober voice.
"Does this mean you are trying to date me?" Small voice, wanting to hide under a rock....
"Yes, yes it does."
"OK, I just wanted to be clear on that. Make sure you make plans and call me in advance." He laughs manically.
"I can do that!"
We'll see.............
Monday, December 17, 2012
Date withe the Engineer
Hi... it's The Engineer. Since you are going to drive to the restaurant, I figured I would send the info via text. Meet me (wed 7pm) at The Grill... 555 W Chandler Blvd ..... it is outside of the Chandler Mall on the south side of Chandler Blvd. It is N/NW of the actual mall. Since this text was all just boring info, I'll send you another text that I wrote to one of my friends who hadn't been texting me back.
Followed by:
I'm an abandoned puppy outside in the cold.... the temperature is dropping fast and the last rays of sunshine are disappearing in the horizon .... oh wait, there's one house off in the distance.... the light is on.... smoke is curling out of the chimney from a warm crackling firer.... if only they would open the door and let me in......
Okay, I'm just going to start with the first text and work my way from there. I had met the Engineer aka Young Guy at a bar a couple days before. We agreed to dinner the following Wednesday and he picked a nicer, more costly place to go. The first text was obviously an extremely detailed explanation of where it was. It took me a few minutes to process how exact he felt he needed to explain this for me. But smart people are often weird so I let it slide.
The second text... Umm, OK. I don't really understand your sense of humor. Maybe this was the funniest text you've ever sent so you are attaching it to your dating resume'?
Me: Lol! Did you get a response?
Engineer: They said they couldn't stop laughing .... and they texted as soon as they were physically able to.
How do I respond to this?
Me: Well it was a very heart wrenching text!
Engineer: I like to see and express mannerisms and expressions. I am a very visual person and I think that comes across in my writing. I can't help it.... or maybe I enjoy it. It's probably a blend of the two.
WTF? Maybe in text he just comes across a little awkward.... Well, we continue to text and he continued to answer a novella each time. Reserve judgement until you go on a date, everyone keeps telling me. Fine! But if I become another serial killer statistic I am not going to be pleased and may choose to quit dating all together, FOREVER.
Wednesday, the pre-date ritual starts. Rush home from work , shower, blow dry hair, curl ends while applying my makeup. Choose an outfit. Try on. Decide it makes me look fat. Rip it off and throw it at an animal. Try on another one. Repeat. Finally I am out the door and driving to the precisely pinpointed location of my date with the Engineer.
He is waiting out front and tells me he came early to get our name in. OK, that is thoughtful. But when he sits I see his slacks are a couple inches too short and he's wearing a gold chain. We remained outside and chatted for 40 freaking cold minutes waiting for a table. This is Chandler? Why the hell are there people out on a Wednesday night? And why not suggest sitting at the bar for a beer while we wait?
Instead we make idle chit chat while sitting uncomfortably on a bench. He gets frustrated with the way he is sitting and makes me switch sides with him. For some odd reason the Engineer spent 10 minutes explaining why carbs and sugar were the death of him, but I never really got an answer. He loves Mountain Dew, but stays away from it. Does it make you sick? Are you just being health conscious? Diabetes? Did you used to be fat?
There are no pauses because he talks a constant stream of run on sentences. The Engineer has ADHD with topics and I keep reminding him to go back to one he veered away from. I talked about myself a total of 5 minutes throughout the date. One instance I spoke of my upcoming job interview in Denver which I spent more time explaining that I was not moving to Denver than the actual job opportunity.
I asked twice what he does for fun during the week. The Engineer turned red and explained he does homework, or at least helps his 11 year old son with his. The red turns to purple as he goes into why he is a single father- Divorce, was married 8 years- and has full custody - Ex just isn't that into being a mother, has another kid from previous relationship who moved in with his father out of state after the divorce. No need for me to ask questions, he goes straight into the details. The Engineer can't even look me in the eye as he mentions that he and his son live with his parents for now, helping them out as they are getting older and they can babysit.
Just keep nodding. Insert smile. I silently listen and squeeze my leg under the table. When he talks, he doesn't eat. Should I keep eating? I do, but then it gets awkward again because there is less food on my plate and his plate looks untouched because he can't seem to eat and talk in pauses. Normally, you talk about you then ask a question so you can eat while the other talks. You volley back and forth yet still have a conversation AND a meal. Not the Engineer, apparently. Nor did he notice the 5 times the waitress came by to see if we were done or the manager who stopped by to ask if the meal was all right.
When he talked about his child he referred to him as "My kid", not Tommy or Joe, just "my kid." His "kid" wasn't as gifted in sports as he had been, conversation segued for 15 minutes into his athleticism during high school and genius in college. Back to the kid, he isn't very gifted so he's involved in piano and violin. Ummm...
In reality, the date only lasted 2 hours from start to end, but it felt like an eternity. He very sweetly asked if he could pay the bill, understanding that I am a very independent woman. After all, I insisted on driving myself. I told him that wasn't independence, I was just smart enough not to tell a stranger where I live.
We exited the table, the Engineer walking a few feet behind. He asks my back if I want to go out with him again... before we are even close to the door. I'm pretty sure the people at the surrounding tables heard. I smile back at him and say sure, even though I really don't want to.
I have to walk to his car where he gives me some organic dog treats he bought for my beasties to say thank you for sharing me. Very thoughtful. I hug him, he smiles at me, shifts his weight from foot to foot as if trying to evaluate whether or not a kiss would be well received. I wait a beat. Then another. God, I have had enough of this! I say goodnight and walk back to my car. If the night had a theme song it would be that sad/annoying sound when something goes wrong in a sitcom. Wah-wah-waaaah....
The Engineer was nice and thoughtful. Too bad I am just not into him.
Engineer: I had a really fun time last night. I enjoyed learning more about you and sharing my life. Thanks for everything..... I checked out the Mumford & Sons song we talked about..... definitely a tiny touch of blue... digging the banjo.
Me: Thank you again for dinner last night and the dog treats were so thoughtful! Glad you liked the song :-)
And I haven't heard from him in almost a week. Hopefully, he can just fade away so I don't have to explain myself.
Sigh, maybe my ability to date is broken?
Followed by:
I'm an abandoned puppy outside in the cold.... the temperature is dropping fast and the last rays of sunshine are disappearing in the horizon .... oh wait, there's one house off in the distance.... the light is on.... smoke is curling out of the chimney from a warm crackling firer.... if only they would open the door and let me in......
Okay, I'm just going to start with the first text and work my way from there. I had met the Engineer aka Young Guy at a bar a couple days before. We agreed to dinner the following Wednesday and he picked a nicer, more costly place to go. The first text was obviously an extremely detailed explanation of where it was. It took me a few minutes to process how exact he felt he needed to explain this for me. But smart people are often weird so I let it slide.
The second text... Umm, OK. I don't really understand your sense of humor. Maybe this was the funniest text you've ever sent so you are attaching it to your dating resume'?
Me: Lol! Did you get a response?
Engineer: They said they couldn't stop laughing .... and they texted as soon as they were physically able to.
How do I respond to this?
Me: Well it was a very heart wrenching text!
Engineer: I like to see and express mannerisms and expressions. I am a very visual person and I think that comes across in my writing. I can't help it.... or maybe I enjoy it. It's probably a blend of the two.
WTF? Maybe in text he just comes across a little awkward.... Well, we continue to text and he continued to answer a novella each time. Reserve judgement until you go on a date, everyone keeps telling me. Fine! But if I become another serial killer statistic I am not going to be pleased and may choose to quit dating all together, FOREVER.
Wednesday, the pre-date ritual starts. Rush home from work , shower, blow dry hair, curl ends while applying my makeup. Choose an outfit. Try on. Decide it makes me look fat. Rip it off and throw it at an animal. Try on another one. Repeat. Finally I am out the door and driving to the precisely pinpointed location of my date with the Engineer.
He is waiting out front and tells me he came early to get our name in. OK, that is thoughtful. But when he sits I see his slacks are a couple inches too short and he's wearing a gold chain. We remained outside and chatted for 40 freaking cold minutes waiting for a table. This is Chandler? Why the hell are there people out on a Wednesday night? And why not suggest sitting at the bar for a beer while we wait?
Instead we make idle chit chat while sitting uncomfortably on a bench. He gets frustrated with the way he is sitting and makes me switch sides with him. For some odd reason the Engineer spent 10 minutes explaining why carbs and sugar were the death of him, but I never really got an answer. He loves Mountain Dew, but stays away from it. Does it make you sick? Are you just being health conscious? Diabetes? Did you used to be fat?
There are no pauses because he talks a constant stream of run on sentences. The Engineer has ADHD with topics and I keep reminding him to go back to one he veered away from. I talked about myself a total of 5 minutes throughout the date. One instance I spoke of my upcoming job interview in Denver which I spent more time explaining that I was not moving to Denver than the actual job opportunity.
I asked twice what he does for fun during the week. The Engineer turned red and explained he does homework, or at least helps his 11 year old son with his. The red turns to purple as he goes into why he is a single father- Divorce, was married 8 years- and has full custody - Ex just isn't that into being a mother, has another kid from previous relationship who moved in with his father out of state after the divorce. No need for me to ask questions, he goes straight into the details. The Engineer can't even look me in the eye as he mentions that he and his son live with his parents for now, helping them out as they are getting older and they can babysit.
Just keep nodding. Insert smile. I silently listen and squeeze my leg under the table. When he talks, he doesn't eat. Should I keep eating? I do, but then it gets awkward again because there is less food on my plate and his plate looks untouched because he can't seem to eat and talk in pauses. Normally, you talk about you then ask a question so you can eat while the other talks. You volley back and forth yet still have a conversation AND a meal. Not the Engineer, apparently. Nor did he notice the 5 times the waitress came by to see if we were done or the manager who stopped by to ask if the meal was all right.
When he talked about his child he referred to him as "My kid", not Tommy or Joe, just "my kid." His "kid" wasn't as gifted in sports as he had been, conversation segued for 15 minutes into his athleticism during high school and genius in college. Back to the kid, he isn't very gifted so he's involved in piano and violin. Ummm...
In reality, the date only lasted 2 hours from start to end, but it felt like an eternity. He very sweetly asked if he could pay the bill, understanding that I am a very independent woman. After all, I insisted on driving myself. I told him that wasn't independence, I was just smart enough not to tell a stranger where I live.
We exited the table, the Engineer walking a few feet behind. He asks my back if I want to go out with him again... before we are even close to the door. I'm pretty sure the people at the surrounding tables heard. I smile back at him and say sure, even though I really don't want to.
I have to walk to his car where he gives me some organic dog treats he bought for my beasties to say thank you for sharing me. Very thoughtful. I hug him, he smiles at me, shifts his weight from foot to foot as if trying to evaluate whether or not a kiss would be well received. I wait a beat. Then another. God, I have had enough of this! I say goodnight and walk back to my car. If the night had a theme song it would be that sad/annoying sound when something goes wrong in a sitcom. Wah-wah-waaaah....
The Engineer was nice and thoughtful. Too bad I am just not into him.
Engineer: I had a really fun time last night. I enjoyed learning more about you and sharing my life. Thanks for everything..... I checked out the Mumford & Sons song we talked about..... definitely a tiny touch of blue... digging the banjo.
Me: Thank you again for dinner last night and the dog treats were so thoughtful! Glad you liked the song :-)
And I haven't heard from him in almost a week. Hopefully, he can just fade away so I don't have to explain myself.
Sigh, maybe my ability to date is broken?
Saturday, December 8, 2012
Young Guy Actually Calls
I stumbled into work this morning wondering why I bothered. A handful of calls and NOTHING to do seems like a real moneymaker Corporate America! I passed the time talking to the select few who were forced to work one Saturday a month and trying to take a nap.
Blissfully I arrived home 7 hours later after texting my boss constantly through his golf game regarding the fact that Satan must miss his right hand demon who eats kittens for breakfast while playing golf making his slaves work pointlessly at an insufferable job on a SATURDAY.
So I got comfy and started writing. I was considering texting the Principal but punched myself in the eye for even contemplating the idea. Then, surprisigly, Young Guy called. I wasn't expecting to ever hear from him. I mean we met at a bar for fuck's sake! People sober up and go "What the hell was I thinking?" so it would be completely understandable if I never heard from him again. But there was my phone, buzzing angrily with an incoming call.
Young Guy sounded nervous. He wanted to take me to dinner this week and while he wasn't sure yet where to take me he wanted to nail down a day and time. Ok. Guys really do that? Wednesday? Ok. He tried to get off the phone but I started asking about his weekend. Oh just the norm. Spent the day cleaning up his parents' yard, they're getting older and he wants to help. People do that? Been at his job 6 years, loves it. Laughed at the crazy antics of both our groups of friends. His friends had laughed about me wanting to know whether or not he was a douche bag. Said he really liked meeting me and wanted to talk more face to face so he could see my reactions.
Next steps? He said he would call me Monday or Tuesday so he could get my address to pick me up. Ummm... at what age do we forget the whole "don't let strangers know where you live" rule? I told him I would meet him. Well, he would just call me Monday or Tuesday to set a place and hear my voice again. That should be sweet right? So I said "aww." Young Guy ended the call because he wanted us to have more to talk about face to face. Maybe he is a serial killer?
I hung up. Huh. This guy wants to go out with me. I wasn't looking, not sure I want, and here is a free cheeseburger. Do women have to give up completely before they become noticeable? At any rate, I will be going out with a nice looking guy who is 35 with a ten? year old kid on Wednesday.
Blissfully I arrived home 7 hours later after texting my boss constantly through his golf game regarding the fact that Satan must miss his right hand demon who eats kittens for breakfast while playing golf making his slaves work pointlessly at an insufferable job on a SATURDAY.
So I got comfy and started writing. I was considering texting the Principal but punched myself in the eye for even contemplating the idea. Then, surprisigly, Young Guy called. I wasn't expecting to ever hear from him. I mean we met at a bar for fuck's sake! People sober up and go "What the hell was I thinking?" so it would be completely understandable if I never heard from him again. But there was my phone, buzzing angrily with an incoming call.
Young Guy sounded nervous. He wanted to take me to dinner this week and while he wasn't sure yet where to take me he wanted to nail down a day and time. Ok. Guys really do that? Wednesday? Ok. He tried to get off the phone but I started asking about his weekend. Oh just the norm. Spent the day cleaning up his parents' yard, they're getting older and he wants to help. People do that? Been at his job 6 years, loves it. Laughed at the crazy antics of both our groups of friends. His friends had laughed about me wanting to know whether or not he was a douche bag. Said he really liked meeting me and wanted to talk more face to face so he could see my reactions.
Next steps? He said he would call me Monday or Tuesday so he could get my address to pick me up. Ummm... at what age do we forget the whole "don't let strangers know where you live" rule? I told him I would meet him. Well, he would just call me Monday or Tuesday to set a place and hear my voice again. That should be sweet right? So I said "aww." Young Guy ended the call because he wanted us to have more to talk about face to face. Maybe he is a serial killer?
I hung up. Huh. This guy wants to go out with me. I wasn't looking, not sure I want, and here is a free cheeseburger. Do women have to give up completely before they become noticeable? At any rate, I will be going out with a nice looking guy who is 35 with a ten? year old kid on Wednesday.
Reuniting with the Girls
I hadn't realized how fast time can fly when you are so focused on dating. You miss out on your friends, feeling good, and actually living. Kelly, Julie and I had worked together years ago and became close friends in the process. Julie and I bonded over our breakups right before she changed jobs. Kelly was my cheerleader when I started dating again and supported me through losing my dad. I helped her through her emotional roller coaster with a schizo male infant.
We all ended up working away from each other and getting into relationships that took us even farther away mentally. Before we knew it, our daily interactions moved to weekly, monthly, quarterly, then bi-annually. It didn't seem that long, because we had our heads up our asses. Kelly and I were closer when we worked together, but afterward Julie and I were in closer contact.
Julie and I have been pretty much been attached at the hip for the past few months while she's been mentally raped by the man she hoped to marry. (I say this lovingly, Jules, regardless of how he may be a nice guy who unfortunately has issues, he has fucked you up.)
Anyway, Julie wanted to get together for a drink at Whole Foods last night. Sigh. I agreed to go after yoga for one beer, then home because I was scheduled to work Saturday. Then I hear Kelly will join us, which makes my heart sing! It has been close to six months since I've talked to her. (Grad school often gets in the way) Then it dawns on me.... It has been 2 years since all three of us have gotten together!
Kelly is still the same. She's an over-achiever, looking to relocate to Dallas because she reunited with her "first" 3 months ago. She's looking into getting a regional job out there so she isn't just moving for the guy. I had forgotten how they can get together. Both type A, interrupting each other and changing one another's subjects so fast, but never forgetting to go back to what they were talking about. I just sat back and enjoyed laughing at them.
Before we were getting ready to leave, I noticed a cute brewer who was noticing me. Stupidly I mentioned it to Julie who promptly became a bloodhound. Kelly got up and acted like she was going to go grab him. I was on the brink of a heart attack before she sat down cackling at my horror. I'd forgotten what a good actress she can be. The hunt still continued for Julie, however, as we were walking out she spotted the dude and all but ran after him. Long story short... He's married and has 3 kids under the age of 4. Julie later commented that he was a fuckwad for not wearing his ring. She's always ruining my guy watching by talking to them.
As we head into the parking lot Julie asks "Are we heading home?" which Kelly firmly answers "No." What?!? She has to work tomorrow too and it's already past 10pm! I hang my head. I should have remembered that going out for one drink with Kelly was a fictional concept. I followed them to another bar where I had a brief flashback from high school of follow the leader to desert parties. More beer. More talking over one another. I got made fun of for folding my legs up under me on the bar stool (thank you yoga).
Kelly got spiritual. Julie and I on either side of her managed to keep respectful faces, bobbing our heads in agreement. The ex who broke Julie's heart hadn't believed she was coming out with us that night and started calling her over and over. I tried to climb over Kelly to grab that damned device out of Julie's hand and tell the dude to fuck off for not trusting my friend but was fended off with a shove and Julie telling me not to be like my mother. If I'd had balls, they would have been kicked. But it was all out of love.
I sat out on the patio while they talked at each other about completely different subjects all at the same time. Curled up in half lotus in a chair, an old guy and a young guy asked if they could join me. Whatever. I was thoroughly enjoying the mayhem of my evening out with the girls. The guys started talking to me and it was like "Oh, they didn't just want to sit at the table?" The old guy was hilarious thinking I was 23. Best. Guy. Ever. "No, really. I'm 31." Maybe I should wear skinny jeans more often...
At any rate, the crazy continued, I got into my nicely buzzed social place and talked to people. Julie and Kelly cracked me up.
Then it happened. Old Guy wanted to let me know that Young Guy was too shy to ask me out. Remember, I am in a nicely buzzed place place so I generally say whatever the hell I feel like.
Old Guy: Would you be interested in him?
Me: I don't really date. It's a lot of work.
Old Guy laughs hysterically.
Me: Is he a douche bag? Because I'm warning you, I have mace in my purse.
This is a lie, but I point at my big bag as if that will convince him.
Old Guy: No! He's a nice guy! He's just very shy.
Me: They all say they're nice guys.
Old Guy's Equally Old Brother: He's an engineer! They make a good a living, you know.
I gave him a very pointed look.
Me: That doesn't matter.
Old Guy's Equally Old Brother: Of course that matters!
More pointed look associated with saucy head wiggle.
Me: No. It doesn't. I can make my own money, thank you very much.
Old Guy to Brother and Most Interesting Man in the World Look-Alike: He will really like her! She's sarcastic!
Me: How many kids does he have?
This becoming a prerequisite question at my age and I fucking hate it.
Old Guy: He has one. A boy. I think he's 10?
Me: He's your friend and you don't even know how old his kid is?
Old Guy: Come on... Just give him your number?
So I was lead outside before I could change my mind. Old Guy called Young Guy over to me and we huddled while Old Guy explained how he told me about Young Guy's being interested but shy and all that. I'm trying really hard and probably unsuccessfully not to roll my eyes. Young Guy puts his hand on my shoulder to apologize, reassuring me that he hadn't meant for someone else to do his talking and he would really like to go out with me if I was interested in him. It wasn't douchey so I gave my number and promised to answer if he called.
At this point the bloodhound barges outside, sees what is going on and eyes Young Guy critically. Julie begins to interrogate both parties while I try not to giggle at the absurdity of the evening. I had been laid back, minding my own business and now "Mom" was trying to judge how shitfaced my suitor was while weaving a bit herself.
I am standing back enjoying the show thinking "Wow. So if you decided you want to stop dating men will ask you out and your friends will cock block you every step of the way."
Waking up, still partially inebriated the next morning I didn't care if Young Guy called me. After all, "they" say you will never meet your soul mate at a bar.
Four hours later I get a text
Julie: So the funniest part of my nite was when my phone rang and this woman who loves me tried to hurdle over a bar stool to answer it with the look of fire in her eyes... lol
Me: Haha! Sorry about that :/
Julie: I loved it, u r totally my sibling
Me: Lol! I've been so good at being supportive, I deserved one night of acting crazy in your defense :-)
Julie: Haha totally! It was great, reminded me of any one of my siblings. Including me!]
Me: Yeah, but you would have been worse!
Julie: Hell yeah
Back to Beyonce:
Who Run the World?
Girls!
We all ended up working away from each other and getting into relationships that took us even farther away mentally. Before we knew it, our daily interactions moved to weekly, monthly, quarterly, then bi-annually. It didn't seem that long, because we had our heads up our asses. Kelly and I were closer when we worked together, but afterward Julie and I were in closer contact.
Julie and I have been pretty much been attached at the hip for the past few months while she's been mentally raped by the man she hoped to marry. (I say this lovingly, Jules, regardless of how he may be a nice guy who unfortunately has issues, he has fucked you up.)
Anyway, Julie wanted to get together for a drink at Whole Foods last night. Sigh. I agreed to go after yoga for one beer, then home because I was scheduled to work Saturday. Then I hear Kelly will join us, which makes my heart sing! It has been close to six months since I've talked to her. (Grad school often gets in the way) Then it dawns on me.... It has been 2 years since all three of us have gotten together!
Kelly is still the same. She's an over-achiever, looking to relocate to Dallas because she reunited with her "first" 3 months ago. She's looking into getting a regional job out there so she isn't just moving for the guy. I had forgotten how they can get together. Both type A, interrupting each other and changing one another's subjects so fast, but never forgetting to go back to what they were talking about. I just sat back and enjoyed laughing at them.
Before we were getting ready to leave, I noticed a cute brewer who was noticing me. Stupidly I mentioned it to Julie who promptly became a bloodhound. Kelly got up and acted like she was going to go grab him. I was on the brink of a heart attack before she sat down cackling at my horror. I'd forgotten what a good actress she can be. The hunt still continued for Julie, however, as we were walking out she spotted the dude and all but ran after him. Long story short... He's married and has 3 kids under the age of 4. Julie later commented that he was a fuckwad for not wearing his ring. She's always ruining my guy watching by talking to them.
As we head into the parking lot Julie asks "Are we heading home?" which Kelly firmly answers "No." What?!? She has to work tomorrow too and it's already past 10pm! I hang my head. I should have remembered that going out for one drink with Kelly was a fictional concept. I followed them to another bar where I had a brief flashback from high school of follow the leader to desert parties. More beer. More talking over one another. I got made fun of for folding my legs up under me on the bar stool (thank you yoga).
Kelly got spiritual. Julie and I on either side of her managed to keep respectful faces, bobbing our heads in agreement. The ex who broke Julie's heart hadn't believed she was coming out with us that night and started calling her over and over. I tried to climb over Kelly to grab that damned device out of Julie's hand and tell the dude to fuck off for not trusting my friend but was fended off with a shove and Julie telling me not to be like my mother. If I'd had balls, they would have been kicked. But it was all out of love.
I sat out on the patio while they talked at each other about completely different subjects all at the same time. Curled up in half lotus in a chair, an old guy and a young guy asked if they could join me. Whatever. I was thoroughly enjoying the mayhem of my evening out with the girls. The guys started talking to me and it was like "Oh, they didn't just want to sit at the table?" The old guy was hilarious thinking I was 23. Best. Guy. Ever. "No, really. I'm 31." Maybe I should wear skinny jeans more often...
At any rate, the crazy continued, I got into my nicely buzzed social place and talked to people. Julie and Kelly cracked me up.
Then it happened. Old Guy wanted to let me know that Young Guy was too shy to ask me out. Remember, I am in a nicely buzzed place place so I generally say whatever the hell I feel like.
Old Guy: Would you be interested in him?
Me: I don't really date. It's a lot of work.
Old Guy laughs hysterically.
Me: Is he a douche bag? Because I'm warning you, I have mace in my purse.
This is a lie, but I point at my big bag as if that will convince him.
Old Guy: No! He's a nice guy! He's just very shy.
Me: They all say they're nice guys.
Old Guy's Equally Old Brother: He's an engineer! They make a good a living, you know.
I gave him a very pointed look.
Me: That doesn't matter.
Old Guy's Equally Old Brother: Of course that matters!
More pointed look associated with saucy head wiggle.
Me: No. It doesn't. I can make my own money, thank you very much.
Old Guy to Brother and Most Interesting Man in the World Look-Alike: He will really like her! She's sarcastic!
Me: How many kids does he have?
This becoming a prerequisite question at my age and I fucking hate it.
Old Guy: He has one. A boy. I think he's 10?
Me: He's your friend and you don't even know how old his kid is?
Old Guy: Come on... Just give him your number?
So I was lead outside before I could change my mind. Old Guy called Young Guy over to me and we huddled while Old Guy explained how he told me about Young Guy's being interested but shy and all that. I'm trying really hard and probably unsuccessfully not to roll my eyes. Young Guy puts his hand on my shoulder to apologize, reassuring me that he hadn't meant for someone else to do his talking and he would really like to go out with me if I was interested in him. It wasn't douchey so I gave my number and promised to answer if he called.
At this point the bloodhound barges outside, sees what is going on and eyes Young Guy critically. Julie begins to interrogate both parties while I try not to giggle at the absurdity of the evening. I had been laid back, minding my own business and now "Mom" was trying to judge how shitfaced my suitor was while weaving a bit herself.
I am standing back enjoying the show thinking "Wow. So if you decided you want to stop dating men will ask you out and your friends will cock block you every step of the way."
Waking up, still partially inebriated the next morning I didn't care if Young Guy called me. After all, "they" say you will never meet your soul mate at a bar.
Four hours later I get a text
Julie: So the funniest part of my nite was when my phone rang and this woman who loves me tried to hurdle over a bar stool to answer it with the look of fire in her eyes... lol
Me: Haha! Sorry about that :/
Julie: I loved it, u r totally my sibling
Me: Lol! I've been so good at being supportive, I deserved one night of acting crazy in your defense :-)
Julie: Haha totally! It was great, reminded me of any one of my siblings. Including me!]
Me: Yeah, but you would have been worse!
Julie: Hell yeah
Back to Beyonce:
Who Run the World?
Girls!
Contact with The Principal Again
A few weeks ago after many failed Internet attempts, missing Work Guy, agonizing over what went wrong with The Principal, and trying to help Julie through her bad breakup I called The Principal and left a voice message asking if he wanted me to mail his house title paperwork to him... I found it in the spare bedroom, sneakily hiding in a dresser with his passport. He must need this shit, right? So I looked up his number and called. Voicemail, of course. No response, of course. Not that I could blame him considering the last time I texted him over a year ago he'd told me he was in a "bad place" and it would be better if I stopped contacting him.
Three weeks later I am in LA with Meggie and Jeff and get a response, sooooooooooooo Principal.
He has relocated to Phoenix and can meet me or I can mail his stuff, whatever is easiest... He's back. My stomach rolls. I feel light headed and fail to interact with those around me. It is a funny sort of death when an ex resurfaces.
At the airport I call him back and we agree to meet the following day after my job interview in Arcadia. I have no freaking time to prepare! No time to lose weight or get my hair done! WTF is wrong with me? The only silver lining would be the fact that I will be decked out for my interview and look my best.
Next day I have to wait until late afternoon for my interview, a chance at last to escape the hellhole I currently am chained to. Beside myself with worry about what to say, how to say it, whether they would be interested in, if this is the type of company I might want to work for and full of anxiety over being face to face with The Principal again, every part of me was tied up in itty bitty knots. Then it occurred to me, I would get the job or not, but I feared having the Principal taking his paperwork only to turn heel and walk away from me. Rejection is a stinker.
I texted Principal about our meeting:
Me: Hi, Do you want to grab a drink and get your paperwork or just meet some place to grab and go?
Principal: Drink sounds great. Have a place in mind?
I know it is text but is it just me or does he not seem too excited about the idea of getting a drink(singular)?
Me: Great. No idea on place. I would be coming from Arcadia. Any suggestions?
Principal: So your around camelback?
The fact that he miss-spelled you're made me think of Work Guy and feel queasy.
Me: Yep.
Principal: Rosie McAffrey's is on 10th and camelback.
Yeah, I know where it is, asshole. It's where we had our first date and our one year anniversary. Is he being ironic or nostalgic or just simply forgot because it hadn't really mattered?
Me: Sounds good.
I walked into the interview right on time to meet the CEO and VP of Sales from a small senior living company planning to open a new community in Arcadia. I was slightly nervous, but the type of nerves I have a tendency to get when forced to speak with strangers about how great I think I am. I gave honest answers about how much I loved the work I used to do and felt I would be successful doing it again. I got a "You're not married?!" from the VP when I talked about having a very quiet social life. Normally, I would never admit this, but I felt GREAT about the meeting. Knowing that they may very well choose someone more qualified with better connections wasn't lost on me. However, when you leave an interview talking about common interests outside of business you kind of feel like you hit it home.
Walking out of the hotel conference area I was given the once over by several men. Obviously I picked the proper outfit for meeting with an ex. Slinky dress, that could be pulled straight to be appropriate for a work function or ruched up a bit to be funky. Black tights with a vertical pattern to make my legs look longer. High heels. Standard blown out hair, not trying too hard but simple. I felt good, so why was my stomach threatening to drop every 30 seconds?
When I walked onto the patio at Rosie's my heart fluttered. There was the Principal smiling up. He looked the same, maybe a little leaner in the face. Best of all, he didn't look like he hated me. On the contrary, he appeared very pleased to see me. Told me I look great. Hugged me earnestly. Hmmm, don't start analyzing....
He launched into his life right away. Had volunteered with his company to go to Africa to help with some software update, anything to get out of New Mexico, and it had yielded him a promotion that brought him back to Phoenix in July. Now he travels the world to help trouble shoot and launch new software. This explains why it took him 3 weeks to respond to my voicemail. He is happy. Angus was boarded with a guy back in New Mexico who fell in love with him and the Principal let him stay. No mention of any relationship. people don't normally say they are blatantly single but will usually bring up a current girlfriend while having drinks(plural) with an ex, right?
I talked about my life for a while. All in all it was a good conversation and we stayed a lot longer than I thought we would with out any type of awkwardness.
Now I will analyze:
He brought up how people can change and about telling me he was in a bad place, drinking too much for a while after we broke up.
I was blatant about how unhappy I would have been in New Mexico.
He apologized about his difficulties talking about emotions.
I expressed my belief that people either settle for a relationship in order to not be alone, find someone they can be a partner with or chose to wait.
He insisted on buying the drinks, and urged me to stay for another.
It was very casual talk, but was there something underneath it? I don't know why I bother to think about these things at all.
He walked me to my car where I produced his stuff. Another earnest hug. The Principal said "This was fun" and for some unknown reason I said "Yeah, it was." (and I meant it) "Let me know if you want to get together again sometime" (and I meant that too, much to my surprise.)
I drove home wondering why I had put that out there. Did I want to hang out with him again? Could we be just friends? Would I want more? Would he? Is that a good idea after the way our last relationship went? I decided just to go with the flow. Right, like I can do that.
Me: Thank you for hanging out. I was worried about it, but it was fun :-)
Principal: I hope to be able to do it again :-) minus the worrying as I had it just as much
Such a quick response from him made me wonder if people can change... "hope to be able to do it again" Does that mean he is going to ask me out, or what? Do I expect something?
Me: Absolutely :-) Glad it wasn't just me!
I hadn't expected to hear anything from the job interview for at least a week. When I got home from yoga Thursday night I had a voicemail from the VP of Sales asking that I give her a call back. She informed me that they were very impressed by me, loved my personality and what I had to say. They wanted to fly me to Colorado to do a final interview and so I could see their communities. After I got off the phone I jumped up and down like a complete spaz! They liked me! They really, really liked me! I am going back to making lots of money again! In a state of bliss I called my mom and texted every person in my phone, including the Principal. I was so hyper excited I barely slept at all that night, tossing and turning, mentally preparing for a job I didn't have yet but was now confident I wanted and would get. The only down side was that the Principal didn't bother to text back for 12 hours.
And I haven't heard from him since. I guess I read him wrong. If he was even entertaining the notion of reuniting, wouldn't he have asked me out again? Here I sit on a Saturday afternoon with nothing to do and he's probably doing the same. Even if he was bored, wouldn't he want to call me?
No. The Principal would never think like that. People never change.
Three weeks later I am in LA with Meggie and Jeff and get a response, sooooooooooooo Principal.
He has relocated to Phoenix and can meet me or I can mail his stuff, whatever is easiest... He's back. My stomach rolls. I feel light headed and fail to interact with those around me. It is a funny sort of death when an ex resurfaces.
At the airport I call him back and we agree to meet the following day after my job interview in Arcadia. I have no freaking time to prepare! No time to lose weight or get my hair done! WTF is wrong with me? The only silver lining would be the fact that I will be decked out for my interview and look my best.
Next day I have to wait until late afternoon for my interview, a chance at last to escape the hellhole I currently am chained to. Beside myself with worry about what to say, how to say it, whether they would be interested in, if this is the type of company I might want to work for and full of anxiety over being face to face with The Principal again, every part of me was tied up in itty bitty knots. Then it occurred to me, I would get the job or not, but I feared having the Principal taking his paperwork only to turn heel and walk away from me. Rejection is a stinker.
I texted Principal about our meeting:
Me: Hi, Do you want to grab a drink and get your paperwork or just meet some place to grab and go?
Principal: Drink sounds great. Have a place in mind?
I know it is text but is it just me or does he not seem too excited about the idea of getting a drink(singular)?
Me: Great. No idea on place. I would be coming from Arcadia. Any suggestions?
Principal: So your around camelback?
The fact that he miss-spelled you're made me think of Work Guy and feel queasy.
Me: Yep.
Principal: Rosie McAffrey's is on 10th and camelback.
Yeah, I know where it is, asshole. It's where we had our first date and our one year anniversary. Is he being ironic or nostalgic or just simply forgot because it hadn't really mattered?
Me: Sounds good.
I walked into the interview right on time to meet the CEO and VP of Sales from a small senior living company planning to open a new community in Arcadia. I was slightly nervous, but the type of nerves I have a tendency to get when forced to speak with strangers about how great I think I am. I gave honest answers about how much I loved the work I used to do and felt I would be successful doing it again. I got a "You're not married?!" from the VP when I talked about having a very quiet social life. Normally, I would never admit this, but I felt GREAT about the meeting. Knowing that they may very well choose someone more qualified with better connections wasn't lost on me. However, when you leave an interview talking about common interests outside of business you kind of feel like you hit it home.
Walking out of the hotel conference area I was given the once over by several men. Obviously I picked the proper outfit for meeting with an ex. Slinky dress, that could be pulled straight to be appropriate for a work function or ruched up a bit to be funky. Black tights with a vertical pattern to make my legs look longer. High heels. Standard blown out hair, not trying too hard but simple. I felt good, so why was my stomach threatening to drop every 30 seconds?
When I walked onto the patio at Rosie's my heart fluttered. There was the Principal smiling up. He looked the same, maybe a little leaner in the face. Best of all, he didn't look like he hated me. On the contrary, he appeared very pleased to see me. Told me I look great. Hugged me earnestly. Hmmm, don't start analyzing....
He launched into his life right away. Had volunteered with his company to go to Africa to help with some software update, anything to get out of New Mexico, and it had yielded him a promotion that brought him back to Phoenix in July. Now he travels the world to help trouble shoot and launch new software. This explains why it took him 3 weeks to respond to my voicemail. He is happy. Angus was boarded with a guy back in New Mexico who fell in love with him and the Principal let him stay. No mention of any relationship. people don't normally say they are blatantly single but will usually bring up a current girlfriend while having drinks(plural) with an ex, right?
I talked about my life for a while. All in all it was a good conversation and we stayed a lot longer than I thought we would with out any type of awkwardness.
Now I will analyze:
He brought up how people can change and about telling me he was in a bad place, drinking too much for a while after we broke up.
I was blatant about how unhappy I would have been in New Mexico.
He apologized about his difficulties talking about emotions.
I expressed my belief that people either settle for a relationship in order to not be alone, find someone they can be a partner with or chose to wait.
He insisted on buying the drinks, and urged me to stay for another.
It was very casual talk, but was there something underneath it? I don't know why I bother to think about these things at all.
He walked me to my car where I produced his stuff. Another earnest hug. The Principal said "This was fun" and for some unknown reason I said "Yeah, it was." (and I meant it) "Let me know if you want to get together again sometime" (and I meant that too, much to my surprise.)
I drove home wondering why I had put that out there. Did I want to hang out with him again? Could we be just friends? Would I want more? Would he? Is that a good idea after the way our last relationship went? I decided just to go with the flow. Right, like I can do that.
Me: Thank you for hanging out. I was worried about it, but it was fun :-)
Principal: I hope to be able to do it again :-) minus the worrying as I had it just as much
Such a quick response from him made me wonder if people can change... "hope to be able to do it again" Does that mean he is going to ask me out, or what? Do I expect something?
Me: Absolutely :-) Glad it wasn't just me!
I hadn't expected to hear anything from the job interview for at least a week. When I got home from yoga Thursday night I had a voicemail from the VP of Sales asking that I give her a call back. She informed me that they were very impressed by me, loved my personality and what I had to say. They wanted to fly me to Colorado to do a final interview and so I could see their communities. After I got off the phone I jumped up and down like a complete spaz! They liked me! They really, really liked me! I am going back to making lots of money again! In a state of bliss I called my mom and texted every person in my phone, including the Principal. I was so hyper excited I barely slept at all that night, tossing and turning, mentally preparing for a job I didn't have yet but was now confident I wanted and would get. The only down side was that the Principal didn't bother to text back for 12 hours.
And I haven't heard from him since. I guess I read him wrong. If he was even entertaining the notion of reuniting, wouldn't he have asked me out again? Here I sit on a Saturday afternoon with nothing to do and he's probably doing the same. Even if he was bored, wouldn't he want to call me?
No. The Principal would never think like that. People never change.
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