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I sat around, wondering when the Principal would suggest we meet again. After exchanging his paperwork last week and having a surprisingly great time, I had heard NOTHING. I attempted to dial back my irritation by being realistic. Maybe it had meant nothing to him to see me again. It was just a pleasant night and that was it.
So I went about my life figuring the Principal was over me and I would probably not hear from him again.
Until Tuesday night, a week since we had drinks. I was watching The Walking Dead and drinking beer and minding my own business when my brain exploded. I wanted to know damn it! Why does it always have to be my mind working over drive? Why can't the Principal just tell me how he is feeling for once in his life?
Yes, I am a moron. I texted him. Testing the waters for something I don't even know if I want.
10:29pm
Me: Just wondering if it was weird for you meeting up with me last week...
I didn't expect to hear back that night and was starting to beat myself up about reaching out. Hadn't I learned from our previous relationship that I would ask, beg and fish for attention always left to wonder and wait.
The next day I hear back at 9:55am
Principal: If you're not busy tonight how bout I give you a call
Oh shit. My palms start sweating and I figure the Principal is going to tell me to leave him alone. He's just going to prove how mature he is by not texting drunk at 10:30 at night when there is less likelihood that anyone will respond. I am squirming in my chair staring at this stupid phone. And I AM busy tonight, I have a date with the Engineer.
Me: I'm sorry, I shouldn't have have asked that. I didn't mean to make it awkward. You can call me if you like, I will be home after 9.
No texts back. I dreaded driving home from my date at 9:10 that night. Would he call? Did he take my apology as a brush off? How, two years after we've been broken up I am already in this familiar, anxious place?
He called at 9:30 and we had a general conversation, but I was so nervous I thought I would laugh hysterically at any moment. Eventually, he got to the text. Probably thought he had disarmed me and could now go in for the kill.
Turns out, he wanted to explain how excited he was to see me last week. Kept telling himself to reign it back, take it slow. The Principal said he left our meeting with a "flood of emotions" and didn't sound sarcastic or like his throat caught on fire from the words. He goes on about thinking how he should ask me out to see The Hobbit, since we both like that stuff, or taking the dogs for a hike. He realized we couldn't jump back into things, but the fact that I said I wanted to hang out again brought back all of his old "feelings".
I was sitting there with my mouth open unable to respond.
The Principal was using foreign words comfortably. The story behind that was this: We broke up and he was stuck in a tiny town, for which he was later grateful. He had nothing to distract him, like he would have been in a city, and was forced to take a hard look at his flaws. There were some flaws that just make him who he is and some flaws he could work on to be a better person. He couldn't believe he had let something so stupid as talking about his "feelings" get in the way of a meaningful relationship or that he had been so selfish only talking about his move/work.
This new self evaluation made him remember the first time he had returned to my house after being in New Mexico and I had ran out of the house and jumped into his arms. Here, he had had someone so excited to see him that I ran to him. And then week by week my reaction had lessened because he wasn't returning the excitement. It made him sad.
Then, he had the opportunity to see me again after two years and was finally in a better place. When we had parted for the night the Principal had several scenarios running through his head.
1) Should he go in for a kiss or would I be offended?
2) Maybe a peck on the cheek?
3) Friendly hug? (Which ended up being the one he went for)
We laughed and he kept saying the words "emotions" and "feelings" and even though he wasn't good at talking about them he vowed to himself he would change that flaw. I asked if he was a pod person.
My head was reeling by his sincerity. The fact the Principal could acknowledge he had needed to change and would not have had that opportunity if I hadn't broken things off when I did. He said it all very matter of fact, not like he was feeding me a line.
We agreed to go to dinner on Friday night.
"So.... Can I ask you an awkward question?"
"You can ask me anything you want." He says in a very sober voice.
"Does this mean you are trying to date me?" Small voice, wanting to hide under a rock....
"Yes, yes it does."
"OK, I just wanted to be clear on that. Make sure you make plans and call me in advance." He laughs manically.
"I can do that!"
We'll see.............
Monday, December 31, 2012
Monday, December 17, 2012
Date withe the Engineer
Hi... it's The Engineer. Since you are going to drive to the restaurant, I figured I would send the info via text. Meet me (wed 7pm) at The Grill... 555 W Chandler Blvd ..... it is outside of the Chandler Mall on the south side of Chandler Blvd. It is N/NW of the actual mall. Since this text was all just boring info, I'll send you another text that I wrote to one of my friends who hadn't been texting me back.
Followed by:
I'm an abandoned puppy outside in the cold.... the temperature is dropping fast and the last rays of sunshine are disappearing in the horizon .... oh wait, there's one house off in the distance.... the light is on.... smoke is curling out of the chimney from a warm crackling firer.... if only they would open the door and let me in......
Okay, I'm just going to start with the first text and work my way from there. I had met the Engineer aka Young Guy at a bar a couple days before. We agreed to dinner the following Wednesday and he picked a nicer, more costly place to go. The first text was obviously an extremely detailed explanation of where it was. It took me a few minutes to process how exact he felt he needed to explain this for me. But smart people are often weird so I let it slide.
The second text... Umm, OK. I don't really understand your sense of humor. Maybe this was the funniest text you've ever sent so you are attaching it to your dating resume'?
Me: Lol! Did you get a response?
Engineer: They said they couldn't stop laughing .... and they texted as soon as they were physically able to.
How do I respond to this?
Me: Well it was a very heart wrenching text!
Engineer: I like to see and express mannerisms and expressions. I am a very visual person and I think that comes across in my writing. I can't help it.... or maybe I enjoy it. It's probably a blend of the two.
WTF? Maybe in text he just comes across a little awkward.... Well, we continue to text and he continued to answer a novella each time. Reserve judgement until you go on a date, everyone keeps telling me. Fine! But if I become another serial killer statistic I am not going to be pleased and may choose to quit dating all together, FOREVER.
Wednesday, the pre-date ritual starts. Rush home from work , shower, blow dry hair, curl ends while applying my makeup. Choose an outfit. Try on. Decide it makes me look fat. Rip it off and throw it at an animal. Try on another one. Repeat. Finally I am out the door and driving to the precisely pinpointed location of my date with the Engineer.
He is waiting out front and tells me he came early to get our name in. OK, that is thoughtful. But when he sits I see his slacks are a couple inches too short and he's wearing a gold chain. We remained outside and chatted for 40 freaking cold minutes waiting for a table. This is Chandler? Why the hell are there people out on a Wednesday night? And why not suggest sitting at the bar for a beer while we wait?
Instead we make idle chit chat while sitting uncomfortably on a bench. He gets frustrated with the way he is sitting and makes me switch sides with him. For some odd reason the Engineer spent 10 minutes explaining why carbs and sugar were the death of him, but I never really got an answer. He loves Mountain Dew, but stays away from it. Does it make you sick? Are you just being health conscious? Diabetes? Did you used to be fat?
There are no pauses because he talks a constant stream of run on sentences. The Engineer has ADHD with topics and I keep reminding him to go back to one he veered away from. I talked about myself a total of 5 minutes throughout the date. One instance I spoke of my upcoming job interview in Denver which I spent more time explaining that I was not moving to Denver than the actual job opportunity.
I asked twice what he does for fun during the week. The Engineer turned red and explained he does homework, or at least helps his 11 year old son with his. The red turns to purple as he goes into why he is a single father- Divorce, was married 8 years- and has full custody - Ex just isn't that into being a mother, has another kid from previous relationship who moved in with his father out of state after the divorce. No need for me to ask questions, he goes straight into the details. The Engineer can't even look me in the eye as he mentions that he and his son live with his parents for now, helping them out as they are getting older and they can babysit.
Just keep nodding. Insert smile. I silently listen and squeeze my leg under the table. When he talks, he doesn't eat. Should I keep eating? I do, but then it gets awkward again because there is less food on my plate and his plate looks untouched because he can't seem to eat and talk in pauses. Normally, you talk about you then ask a question so you can eat while the other talks. You volley back and forth yet still have a conversation AND a meal. Not the Engineer, apparently. Nor did he notice the 5 times the waitress came by to see if we were done or the manager who stopped by to ask if the meal was all right.
When he talked about his child he referred to him as "My kid", not Tommy or Joe, just "my kid." His "kid" wasn't as gifted in sports as he had been, conversation segued for 15 minutes into his athleticism during high school and genius in college. Back to the kid, he isn't very gifted so he's involved in piano and violin. Ummm...
In reality, the date only lasted 2 hours from start to end, but it felt like an eternity. He very sweetly asked if he could pay the bill, understanding that I am a very independent woman. After all, I insisted on driving myself. I told him that wasn't independence, I was just smart enough not to tell a stranger where I live.
We exited the table, the Engineer walking a few feet behind. He asks my back if I want to go out with him again... before we are even close to the door. I'm pretty sure the people at the surrounding tables heard. I smile back at him and say sure, even though I really don't want to.
I have to walk to his car where he gives me some organic dog treats he bought for my beasties to say thank you for sharing me. Very thoughtful. I hug him, he smiles at me, shifts his weight from foot to foot as if trying to evaluate whether or not a kiss would be well received. I wait a beat. Then another. God, I have had enough of this! I say goodnight and walk back to my car. If the night had a theme song it would be that sad/annoying sound when something goes wrong in a sitcom. Wah-wah-waaaah....
The Engineer was nice and thoughtful. Too bad I am just not into him.
Engineer: I had a really fun time last night. I enjoyed learning more about you and sharing my life. Thanks for everything..... I checked out the Mumford & Sons song we talked about..... definitely a tiny touch of blue... digging the banjo.
Me: Thank you again for dinner last night and the dog treats were so thoughtful! Glad you liked the song :-)
And I haven't heard from him in almost a week. Hopefully, he can just fade away so I don't have to explain myself.
Sigh, maybe my ability to date is broken?
Followed by:
I'm an abandoned puppy outside in the cold.... the temperature is dropping fast and the last rays of sunshine are disappearing in the horizon .... oh wait, there's one house off in the distance.... the light is on.... smoke is curling out of the chimney from a warm crackling firer.... if only they would open the door and let me in......
Okay, I'm just going to start with the first text and work my way from there. I had met the Engineer aka Young Guy at a bar a couple days before. We agreed to dinner the following Wednesday and he picked a nicer, more costly place to go. The first text was obviously an extremely detailed explanation of where it was. It took me a few minutes to process how exact he felt he needed to explain this for me. But smart people are often weird so I let it slide.
The second text... Umm, OK. I don't really understand your sense of humor. Maybe this was the funniest text you've ever sent so you are attaching it to your dating resume'?
Me: Lol! Did you get a response?
Engineer: They said they couldn't stop laughing .... and they texted as soon as they were physically able to.
How do I respond to this?
Me: Well it was a very heart wrenching text!
Engineer: I like to see and express mannerisms and expressions. I am a very visual person and I think that comes across in my writing. I can't help it.... or maybe I enjoy it. It's probably a blend of the two.
WTF? Maybe in text he just comes across a little awkward.... Well, we continue to text and he continued to answer a novella each time. Reserve judgement until you go on a date, everyone keeps telling me. Fine! But if I become another serial killer statistic I am not going to be pleased and may choose to quit dating all together, FOREVER.
Wednesday, the pre-date ritual starts. Rush home from work , shower, blow dry hair, curl ends while applying my makeup. Choose an outfit. Try on. Decide it makes me look fat. Rip it off and throw it at an animal. Try on another one. Repeat. Finally I am out the door and driving to the precisely pinpointed location of my date with the Engineer.
He is waiting out front and tells me he came early to get our name in. OK, that is thoughtful. But when he sits I see his slacks are a couple inches too short and he's wearing a gold chain. We remained outside and chatted for 40 freaking cold minutes waiting for a table. This is Chandler? Why the hell are there people out on a Wednesday night? And why not suggest sitting at the bar for a beer while we wait?
Instead we make idle chit chat while sitting uncomfortably on a bench. He gets frustrated with the way he is sitting and makes me switch sides with him. For some odd reason the Engineer spent 10 minutes explaining why carbs and sugar were the death of him, but I never really got an answer. He loves Mountain Dew, but stays away from it. Does it make you sick? Are you just being health conscious? Diabetes? Did you used to be fat?
There are no pauses because he talks a constant stream of run on sentences. The Engineer has ADHD with topics and I keep reminding him to go back to one he veered away from. I talked about myself a total of 5 minutes throughout the date. One instance I spoke of my upcoming job interview in Denver which I spent more time explaining that I was not moving to Denver than the actual job opportunity.
I asked twice what he does for fun during the week. The Engineer turned red and explained he does homework, or at least helps his 11 year old son with his. The red turns to purple as he goes into why he is a single father- Divorce, was married 8 years- and has full custody - Ex just isn't that into being a mother, has another kid from previous relationship who moved in with his father out of state after the divorce. No need for me to ask questions, he goes straight into the details. The Engineer can't even look me in the eye as he mentions that he and his son live with his parents for now, helping them out as they are getting older and they can babysit.
Just keep nodding. Insert smile. I silently listen and squeeze my leg under the table. When he talks, he doesn't eat. Should I keep eating? I do, but then it gets awkward again because there is less food on my plate and his plate looks untouched because he can't seem to eat and talk in pauses. Normally, you talk about you then ask a question so you can eat while the other talks. You volley back and forth yet still have a conversation AND a meal. Not the Engineer, apparently. Nor did he notice the 5 times the waitress came by to see if we were done or the manager who stopped by to ask if the meal was all right.
When he talked about his child he referred to him as "My kid", not Tommy or Joe, just "my kid." His "kid" wasn't as gifted in sports as he had been, conversation segued for 15 minutes into his athleticism during high school and genius in college. Back to the kid, he isn't very gifted so he's involved in piano and violin. Ummm...
In reality, the date only lasted 2 hours from start to end, but it felt like an eternity. He very sweetly asked if he could pay the bill, understanding that I am a very independent woman. After all, I insisted on driving myself. I told him that wasn't independence, I was just smart enough not to tell a stranger where I live.
We exited the table, the Engineer walking a few feet behind. He asks my back if I want to go out with him again... before we are even close to the door. I'm pretty sure the people at the surrounding tables heard. I smile back at him and say sure, even though I really don't want to.
I have to walk to his car where he gives me some organic dog treats he bought for my beasties to say thank you for sharing me. Very thoughtful. I hug him, he smiles at me, shifts his weight from foot to foot as if trying to evaluate whether or not a kiss would be well received. I wait a beat. Then another. God, I have had enough of this! I say goodnight and walk back to my car. If the night had a theme song it would be that sad/annoying sound when something goes wrong in a sitcom. Wah-wah-waaaah....
The Engineer was nice and thoughtful. Too bad I am just not into him.
Engineer: I had a really fun time last night. I enjoyed learning more about you and sharing my life. Thanks for everything..... I checked out the Mumford & Sons song we talked about..... definitely a tiny touch of blue... digging the banjo.
Me: Thank you again for dinner last night and the dog treats were so thoughtful! Glad you liked the song :-)
And I haven't heard from him in almost a week. Hopefully, he can just fade away so I don't have to explain myself.
Sigh, maybe my ability to date is broken?
Saturday, December 8, 2012
Young Guy Actually Calls
I stumbled into work this morning wondering why I bothered. A handful of calls and NOTHING to do seems like a real moneymaker Corporate America! I passed the time talking to the select few who were forced to work one Saturday a month and trying to take a nap.
Blissfully I arrived home 7 hours later after texting my boss constantly through his golf game regarding the fact that Satan must miss his right hand demon who eats kittens for breakfast while playing golf making his slaves work pointlessly at an insufferable job on a SATURDAY.
So I got comfy and started writing. I was considering texting the Principal but punched myself in the eye for even contemplating the idea. Then, surprisigly, Young Guy called. I wasn't expecting to ever hear from him. I mean we met at a bar for fuck's sake! People sober up and go "What the hell was I thinking?" so it would be completely understandable if I never heard from him again. But there was my phone, buzzing angrily with an incoming call.
Young Guy sounded nervous. He wanted to take me to dinner this week and while he wasn't sure yet where to take me he wanted to nail down a day and time. Ok. Guys really do that? Wednesday? Ok. He tried to get off the phone but I started asking about his weekend. Oh just the norm. Spent the day cleaning up his parents' yard, they're getting older and he wants to help. People do that? Been at his job 6 years, loves it. Laughed at the crazy antics of both our groups of friends. His friends had laughed about me wanting to know whether or not he was a douche bag. Said he really liked meeting me and wanted to talk more face to face so he could see my reactions.
Next steps? He said he would call me Monday or Tuesday so he could get my address to pick me up. Ummm... at what age do we forget the whole "don't let strangers know where you live" rule? I told him I would meet him. Well, he would just call me Monday or Tuesday to set a place and hear my voice again. That should be sweet right? So I said "aww." Young Guy ended the call because he wanted us to have more to talk about face to face. Maybe he is a serial killer?
I hung up. Huh. This guy wants to go out with me. I wasn't looking, not sure I want, and here is a free cheeseburger. Do women have to give up completely before they become noticeable? At any rate, I will be going out with a nice looking guy who is 35 with a ten? year old kid on Wednesday.
Blissfully I arrived home 7 hours later after texting my boss constantly through his golf game regarding the fact that Satan must miss his right hand demon who eats kittens for breakfast while playing golf making his slaves work pointlessly at an insufferable job on a SATURDAY.
So I got comfy and started writing. I was considering texting the Principal but punched myself in the eye for even contemplating the idea. Then, surprisigly, Young Guy called. I wasn't expecting to ever hear from him. I mean we met at a bar for fuck's sake! People sober up and go "What the hell was I thinking?" so it would be completely understandable if I never heard from him again. But there was my phone, buzzing angrily with an incoming call.
Young Guy sounded nervous. He wanted to take me to dinner this week and while he wasn't sure yet where to take me he wanted to nail down a day and time. Ok. Guys really do that? Wednesday? Ok. He tried to get off the phone but I started asking about his weekend. Oh just the norm. Spent the day cleaning up his parents' yard, they're getting older and he wants to help. People do that? Been at his job 6 years, loves it. Laughed at the crazy antics of both our groups of friends. His friends had laughed about me wanting to know whether or not he was a douche bag. Said he really liked meeting me and wanted to talk more face to face so he could see my reactions.
Next steps? He said he would call me Monday or Tuesday so he could get my address to pick me up. Ummm... at what age do we forget the whole "don't let strangers know where you live" rule? I told him I would meet him. Well, he would just call me Monday or Tuesday to set a place and hear my voice again. That should be sweet right? So I said "aww." Young Guy ended the call because he wanted us to have more to talk about face to face. Maybe he is a serial killer?
I hung up. Huh. This guy wants to go out with me. I wasn't looking, not sure I want, and here is a free cheeseburger. Do women have to give up completely before they become noticeable? At any rate, I will be going out with a nice looking guy who is 35 with a ten? year old kid on Wednesday.
Reuniting with the Girls
I hadn't realized how fast time can fly when you are so focused on dating. You miss out on your friends, feeling good, and actually living. Kelly, Julie and I had worked together years ago and became close friends in the process. Julie and I bonded over our breakups right before she changed jobs. Kelly was my cheerleader when I started dating again and supported me through losing my dad. I helped her through her emotional roller coaster with a schizo male infant.
We all ended up working away from each other and getting into relationships that took us even farther away mentally. Before we knew it, our daily interactions moved to weekly, monthly, quarterly, then bi-annually. It didn't seem that long, because we had our heads up our asses. Kelly and I were closer when we worked together, but afterward Julie and I were in closer contact.
Julie and I have been pretty much been attached at the hip for the past few months while she's been mentally raped by the man she hoped to marry. (I say this lovingly, Jules, regardless of how he may be a nice guy who unfortunately has issues, he has fucked you up.)
Anyway, Julie wanted to get together for a drink at Whole Foods last night. Sigh. I agreed to go after yoga for one beer, then home because I was scheduled to work Saturday. Then I hear Kelly will join us, which makes my heart sing! It has been close to six months since I've talked to her. (Grad school often gets in the way) Then it dawns on me.... It has been 2 years since all three of us have gotten together!
Kelly is still the same. She's an over-achiever, looking to relocate to Dallas because she reunited with her "first" 3 months ago. She's looking into getting a regional job out there so she isn't just moving for the guy. I had forgotten how they can get together. Both type A, interrupting each other and changing one another's subjects so fast, but never forgetting to go back to what they were talking about. I just sat back and enjoyed laughing at them.
Before we were getting ready to leave, I noticed a cute brewer who was noticing me. Stupidly I mentioned it to Julie who promptly became a bloodhound. Kelly got up and acted like she was going to go grab him. I was on the brink of a heart attack before she sat down cackling at my horror. I'd forgotten what a good actress she can be. The hunt still continued for Julie, however, as we were walking out she spotted the dude and all but ran after him. Long story short... He's married and has 3 kids under the age of 4. Julie later commented that he was a fuckwad for not wearing his ring. She's always ruining my guy watching by talking to them.
As we head into the parking lot Julie asks "Are we heading home?" which Kelly firmly answers "No." What?!? She has to work tomorrow too and it's already past 10pm! I hang my head. I should have remembered that going out for one drink with Kelly was a fictional concept. I followed them to another bar where I had a brief flashback from high school of follow the leader to desert parties. More beer. More talking over one another. I got made fun of for folding my legs up under me on the bar stool (thank you yoga).
Kelly got spiritual. Julie and I on either side of her managed to keep respectful faces, bobbing our heads in agreement. The ex who broke Julie's heart hadn't believed she was coming out with us that night and started calling her over and over. I tried to climb over Kelly to grab that damned device out of Julie's hand and tell the dude to fuck off for not trusting my friend but was fended off with a shove and Julie telling me not to be like my mother. If I'd had balls, they would have been kicked. But it was all out of love.
I sat out on the patio while they talked at each other about completely different subjects all at the same time. Curled up in half lotus in a chair, an old guy and a young guy asked if they could join me. Whatever. I was thoroughly enjoying the mayhem of my evening out with the girls. The guys started talking to me and it was like "Oh, they didn't just want to sit at the table?" The old guy was hilarious thinking I was 23. Best. Guy. Ever. "No, really. I'm 31." Maybe I should wear skinny jeans more often...
At any rate, the crazy continued, I got into my nicely buzzed social place and talked to people. Julie and Kelly cracked me up.
Then it happened. Old Guy wanted to let me know that Young Guy was too shy to ask me out. Remember, I am in a nicely buzzed place place so I generally say whatever the hell I feel like.
Old Guy: Would you be interested in him?
Me: I don't really date. It's a lot of work.
Old Guy laughs hysterically.
Me: Is he a douche bag? Because I'm warning you, I have mace in my purse.
This is a lie, but I point at my big bag as if that will convince him.
Old Guy: No! He's a nice guy! He's just very shy.
Me: They all say they're nice guys.
Old Guy's Equally Old Brother: He's an engineer! They make a good a living, you know.
I gave him a very pointed look.
Me: That doesn't matter.
Old Guy's Equally Old Brother: Of course that matters!
More pointed look associated with saucy head wiggle.
Me: No. It doesn't. I can make my own money, thank you very much.
Old Guy to Brother and Most Interesting Man in the World Look-Alike: He will really like her! She's sarcastic!
Me: How many kids does he have?
This becoming a prerequisite question at my age and I fucking hate it.
Old Guy: He has one. A boy. I think he's 10?
Me: He's your friend and you don't even know how old his kid is?
Old Guy: Come on... Just give him your number?
So I was lead outside before I could change my mind. Old Guy called Young Guy over to me and we huddled while Old Guy explained how he told me about Young Guy's being interested but shy and all that. I'm trying really hard and probably unsuccessfully not to roll my eyes. Young Guy puts his hand on my shoulder to apologize, reassuring me that he hadn't meant for someone else to do his talking and he would really like to go out with me if I was interested in him. It wasn't douchey so I gave my number and promised to answer if he called.
At this point the bloodhound barges outside, sees what is going on and eyes Young Guy critically. Julie begins to interrogate both parties while I try not to giggle at the absurdity of the evening. I had been laid back, minding my own business and now "Mom" was trying to judge how shitfaced my suitor was while weaving a bit herself.
I am standing back enjoying the show thinking "Wow. So if you decided you want to stop dating men will ask you out and your friends will cock block you every step of the way."
Waking up, still partially inebriated the next morning I didn't care if Young Guy called me. After all, "they" say you will never meet your soul mate at a bar.
Four hours later I get a text
Julie: So the funniest part of my nite was when my phone rang and this woman who loves me tried to hurdle over a bar stool to answer it with the look of fire in her eyes... lol
Me: Haha! Sorry about that :/
Julie: I loved it, u r totally my sibling
Me: Lol! I've been so good at being supportive, I deserved one night of acting crazy in your defense :-)
Julie: Haha totally! It was great, reminded me of any one of my siblings. Including me!]
Me: Yeah, but you would have been worse!
Julie: Hell yeah
Back to Beyonce:
Who Run the World?
Girls!
We all ended up working away from each other and getting into relationships that took us even farther away mentally. Before we knew it, our daily interactions moved to weekly, monthly, quarterly, then bi-annually. It didn't seem that long, because we had our heads up our asses. Kelly and I were closer when we worked together, but afterward Julie and I were in closer contact.
Julie and I have been pretty much been attached at the hip for the past few months while she's been mentally raped by the man she hoped to marry. (I say this lovingly, Jules, regardless of how he may be a nice guy who unfortunately has issues, he has fucked you up.)
Anyway, Julie wanted to get together for a drink at Whole Foods last night. Sigh. I agreed to go after yoga for one beer, then home because I was scheduled to work Saturday. Then I hear Kelly will join us, which makes my heart sing! It has been close to six months since I've talked to her. (Grad school often gets in the way) Then it dawns on me.... It has been 2 years since all three of us have gotten together!
Kelly is still the same. She's an over-achiever, looking to relocate to Dallas because she reunited with her "first" 3 months ago. She's looking into getting a regional job out there so she isn't just moving for the guy. I had forgotten how they can get together. Both type A, interrupting each other and changing one another's subjects so fast, but never forgetting to go back to what they were talking about. I just sat back and enjoyed laughing at them.
Before we were getting ready to leave, I noticed a cute brewer who was noticing me. Stupidly I mentioned it to Julie who promptly became a bloodhound. Kelly got up and acted like she was going to go grab him. I was on the brink of a heart attack before she sat down cackling at my horror. I'd forgotten what a good actress she can be. The hunt still continued for Julie, however, as we were walking out she spotted the dude and all but ran after him. Long story short... He's married and has 3 kids under the age of 4. Julie later commented that he was a fuckwad for not wearing his ring. She's always ruining my guy watching by talking to them.
As we head into the parking lot Julie asks "Are we heading home?" which Kelly firmly answers "No." What?!? She has to work tomorrow too and it's already past 10pm! I hang my head. I should have remembered that going out for one drink with Kelly was a fictional concept. I followed them to another bar where I had a brief flashback from high school of follow the leader to desert parties. More beer. More talking over one another. I got made fun of for folding my legs up under me on the bar stool (thank you yoga).
Kelly got spiritual. Julie and I on either side of her managed to keep respectful faces, bobbing our heads in agreement. The ex who broke Julie's heart hadn't believed she was coming out with us that night and started calling her over and over. I tried to climb over Kelly to grab that damned device out of Julie's hand and tell the dude to fuck off for not trusting my friend but was fended off with a shove and Julie telling me not to be like my mother. If I'd had balls, they would have been kicked. But it was all out of love.
I sat out on the patio while they talked at each other about completely different subjects all at the same time. Curled up in half lotus in a chair, an old guy and a young guy asked if they could join me. Whatever. I was thoroughly enjoying the mayhem of my evening out with the girls. The guys started talking to me and it was like "Oh, they didn't just want to sit at the table?" The old guy was hilarious thinking I was 23. Best. Guy. Ever. "No, really. I'm 31." Maybe I should wear skinny jeans more often...
At any rate, the crazy continued, I got into my nicely buzzed social place and talked to people. Julie and Kelly cracked me up.
Then it happened. Old Guy wanted to let me know that Young Guy was too shy to ask me out. Remember, I am in a nicely buzzed place place so I generally say whatever the hell I feel like.
Old Guy: Would you be interested in him?
Me: I don't really date. It's a lot of work.
Old Guy laughs hysterically.
Me: Is he a douche bag? Because I'm warning you, I have mace in my purse.
This is a lie, but I point at my big bag as if that will convince him.
Old Guy: No! He's a nice guy! He's just very shy.
Me: They all say they're nice guys.
Old Guy's Equally Old Brother: He's an engineer! They make a good a living, you know.
I gave him a very pointed look.
Me: That doesn't matter.
Old Guy's Equally Old Brother: Of course that matters!
More pointed look associated with saucy head wiggle.
Me: No. It doesn't. I can make my own money, thank you very much.
Old Guy to Brother and Most Interesting Man in the World Look-Alike: He will really like her! She's sarcastic!
Me: How many kids does he have?
This becoming a prerequisite question at my age and I fucking hate it.
Old Guy: He has one. A boy. I think he's 10?
Me: He's your friend and you don't even know how old his kid is?
Old Guy: Come on... Just give him your number?
So I was lead outside before I could change my mind. Old Guy called Young Guy over to me and we huddled while Old Guy explained how he told me about Young Guy's being interested but shy and all that. I'm trying really hard and probably unsuccessfully not to roll my eyes. Young Guy puts his hand on my shoulder to apologize, reassuring me that he hadn't meant for someone else to do his talking and he would really like to go out with me if I was interested in him. It wasn't douchey so I gave my number and promised to answer if he called.
At this point the bloodhound barges outside, sees what is going on and eyes Young Guy critically. Julie begins to interrogate both parties while I try not to giggle at the absurdity of the evening. I had been laid back, minding my own business and now "Mom" was trying to judge how shitfaced my suitor was while weaving a bit herself.
I am standing back enjoying the show thinking "Wow. So if you decided you want to stop dating men will ask you out and your friends will cock block you every step of the way."
Waking up, still partially inebriated the next morning I didn't care if Young Guy called me. After all, "they" say you will never meet your soul mate at a bar.
Four hours later I get a text
Julie: So the funniest part of my nite was when my phone rang and this woman who loves me tried to hurdle over a bar stool to answer it with the look of fire in her eyes... lol
Me: Haha! Sorry about that :/
Julie: I loved it, u r totally my sibling
Me: Lol! I've been so good at being supportive, I deserved one night of acting crazy in your defense :-)
Julie: Haha totally! It was great, reminded me of any one of my siblings. Including me!]
Me: Yeah, but you would have been worse!
Julie: Hell yeah
Back to Beyonce:
Who Run the World?
Girls!
Contact with The Principal Again
A few weeks ago after many failed Internet attempts, missing Work Guy, agonizing over what went wrong with The Principal, and trying to help Julie through her bad breakup I called The Principal and left a voice message asking if he wanted me to mail his house title paperwork to him... I found it in the spare bedroom, sneakily hiding in a dresser with his passport. He must need this shit, right? So I looked up his number and called. Voicemail, of course. No response, of course. Not that I could blame him considering the last time I texted him over a year ago he'd told me he was in a "bad place" and it would be better if I stopped contacting him.
Three weeks later I am in LA with Meggie and Jeff and get a response, sooooooooooooo Principal.
He has relocated to Phoenix and can meet me or I can mail his stuff, whatever is easiest... He's back. My stomach rolls. I feel light headed and fail to interact with those around me. It is a funny sort of death when an ex resurfaces.
At the airport I call him back and we agree to meet the following day after my job interview in Arcadia. I have no freaking time to prepare! No time to lose weight or get my hair done! WTF is wrong with me? The only silver lining would be the fact that I will be decked out for my interview and look my best.
Next day I have to wait until late afternoon for my interview, a chance at last to escape the hellhole I currently am chained to. Beside myself with worry about what to say, how to say it, whether they would be interested in, if this is the type of company I might want to work for and full of anxiety over being face to face with The Principal again, every part of me was tied up in itty bitty knots. Then it occurred to me, I would get the job or not, but I feared having the Principal taking his paperwork only to turn heel and walk away from me. Rejection is a stinker.
I texted Principal about our meeting:
Me: Hi, Do you want to grab a drink and get your paperwork or just meet some place to grab and go?
Principal: Drink sounds great. Have a place in mind?
I know it is text but is it just me or does he not seem too excited about the idea of getting a drink(singular)?
Me: Great. No idea on place. I would be coming from Arcadia. Any suggestions?
Principal: So your around camelback?
The fact that he miss-spelled you're made me think of Work Guy and feel queasy.
Me: Yep.
Principal: Rosie McAffrey's is on 10th and camelback.
Yeah, I know where it is, asshole. It's where we had our first date and our one year anniversary. Is he being ironic or nostalgic or just simply forgot because it hadn't really mattered?
Me: Sounds good.
I walked into the interview right on time to meet the CEO and VP of Sales from a small senior living company planning to open a new community in Arcadia. I was slightly nervous, but the type of nerves I have a tendency to get when forced to speak with strangers about how great I think I am. I gave honest answers about how much I loved the work I used to do and felt I would be successful doing it again. I got a "You're not married?!" from the VP when I talked about having a very quiet social life. Normally, I would never admit this, but I felt GREAT about the meeting. Knowing that they may very well choose someone more qualified with better connections wasn't lost on me. However, when you leave an interview talking about common interests outside of business you kind of feel like you hit it home.
Walking out of the hotel conference area I was given the once over by several men. Obviously I picked the proper outfit for meeting with an ex. Slinky dress, that could be pulled straight to be appropriate for a work function or ruched up a bit to be funky. Black tights with a vertical pattern to make my legs look longer. High heels. Standard blown out hair, not trying too hard but simple. I felt good, so why was my stomach threatening to drop every 30 seconds?
When I walked onto the patio at Rosie's my heart fluttered. There was the Principal smiling up. He looked the same, maybe a little leaner in the face. Best of all, he didn't look like he hated me. On the contrary, he appeared very pleased to see me. Told me I look great. Hugged me earnestly. Hmmm, don't start analyzing....
He launched into his life right away. Had volunteered with his company to go to Africa to help with some software update, anything to get out of New Mexico, and it had yielded him a promotion that brought him back to Phoenix in July. Now he travels the world to help trouble shoot and launch new software. This explains why it took him 3 weeks to respond to my voicemail. He is happy. Angus was boarded with a guy back in New Mexico who fell in love with him and the Principal let him stay. No mention of any relationship. people don't normally say they are blatantly single but will usually bring up a current girlfriend while having drinks(plural) with an ex, right?
I talked about my life for a while. All in all it was a good conversation and we stayed a lot longer than I thought we would with out any type of awkwardness.
Now I will analyze:
He brought up how people can change and about telling me he was in a bad place, drinking too much for a while after we broke up.
I was blatant about how unhappy I would have been in New Mexico.
He apologized about his difficulties talking about emotions.
I expressed my belief that people either settle for a relationship in order to not be alone, find someone they can be a partner with or chose to wait.
He insisted on buying the drinks, and urged me to stay for another.
It was very casual talk, but was there something underneath it? I don't know why I bother to think about these things at all.
He walked me to my car where I produced his stuff. Another earnest hug. The Principal said "This was fun" and for some unknown reason I said "Yeah, it was." (and I meant it) "Let me know if you want to get together again sometime" (and I meant that too, much to my surprise.)
I drove home wondering why I had put that out there. Did I want to hang out with him again? Could we be just friends? Would I want more? Would he? Is that a good idea after the way our last relationship went? I decided just to go with the flow. Right, like I can do that.
Me: Thank you for hanging out. I was worried about it, but it was fun :-)
Principal: I hope to be able to do it again :-) minus the worrying as I had it just as much
Such a quick response from him made me wonder if people can change... "hope to be able to do it again" Does that mean he is going to ask me out, or what? Do I expect something?
Me: Absolutely :-) Glad it wasn't just me!
I hadn't expected to hear anything from the job interview for at least a week. When I got home from yoga Thursday night I had a voicemail from the VP of Sales asking that I give her a call back. She informed me that they were very impressed by me, loved my personality and what I had to say. They wanted to fly me to Colorado to do a final interview and so I could see their communities. After I got off the phone I jumped up and down like a complete spaz! They liked me! They really, really liked me! I am going back to making lots of money again! In a state of bliss I called my mom and texted every person in my phone, including the Principal. I was so hyper excited I barely slept at all that night, tossing and turning, mentally preparing for a job I didn't have yet but was now confident I wanted and would get. The only down side was that the Principal didn't bother to text back for 12 hours.
And I haven't heard from him since. I guess I read him wrong. If he was even entertaining the notion of reuniting, wouldn't he have asked me out again? Here I sit on a Saturday afternoon with nothing to do and he's probably doing the same. Even if he was bored, wouldn't he want to call me?
No. The Principal would never think like that. People never change.
Three weeks later I am in LA with Meggie and Jeff and get a response, sooooooooooooo Principal.
He has relocated to Phoenix and can meet me or I can mail his stuff, whatever is easiest... He's back. My stomach rolls. I feel light headed and fail to interact with those around me. It is a funny sort of death when an ex resurfaces.
At the airport I call him back and we agree to meet the following day after my job interview in Arcadia. I have no freaking time to prepare! No time to lose weight or get my hair done! WTF is wrong with me? The only silver lining would be the fact that I will be decked out for my interview and look my best.
Next day I have to wait until late afternoon for my interview, a chance at last to escape the hellhole I currently am chained to. Beside myself with worry about what to say, how to say it, whether they would be interested in, if this is the type of company I might want to work for and full of anxiety over being face to face with The Principal again, every part of me was tied up in itty bitty knots. Then it occurred to me, I would get the job or not, but I feared having the Principal taking his paperwork only to turn heel and walk away from me. Rejection is a stinker.
I texted Principal about our meeting:
Me: Hi, Do you want to grab a drink and get your paperwork or just meet some place to grab and go?
Principal: Drink sounds great. Have a place in mind?
I know it is text but is it just me or does he not seem too excited about the idea of getting a drink(singular)?
Me: Great. No idea on place. I would be coming from Arcadia. Any suggestions?
Principal: So your around camelback?
The fact that he miss-spelled you're made me think of Work Guy and feel queasy.
Me: Yep.
Principal: Rosie McAffrey's is on 10th and camelback.
Yeah, I know where it is, asshole. It's where we had our first date and our one year anniversary. Is he being ironic or nostalgic or just simply forgot because it hadn't really mattered?
Me: Sounds good.
I walked into the interview right on time to meet the CEO and VP of Sales from a small senior living company planning to open a new community in Arcadia. I was slightly nervous, but the type of nerves I have a tendency to get when forced to speak with strangers about how great I think I am. I gave honest answers about how much I loved the work I used to do and felt I would be successful doing it again. I got a "You're not married?!" from the VP when I talked about having a very quiet social life. Normally, I would never admit this, but I felt GREAT about the meeting. Knowing that they may very well choose someone more qualified with better connections wasn't lost on me. However, when you leave an interview talking about common interests outside of business you kind of feel like you hit it home.
Walking out of the hotel conference area I was given the once over by several men. Obviously I picked the proper outfit for meeting with an ex. Slinky dress, that could be pulled straight to be appropriate for a work function or ruched up a bit to be funky. Black tights with a vertical pattern to make my legs look longer. High heels. Standard blown out hair, not trying too hard but simple. I felt good, so why was my stomach threatening to drop every 30 seconds?
When I walked onto the patio at Rosie's my heart fluttered. There was the Principal smiling up. He looked the same, maybe a little leaner in the face. Best of all, he didn't look like he hated me. On the contrary, he appeared very pleased to see me. Told me I look great. Hugged me earnestly. Hmmm, don't start analyzing....
He launched into his life right away. Had volunteered with his company to go to Africa to help with some software update, anything to get out of New Mexico, and it had yielded him a promotion that brought him back to Phoenix in July. Now he travels the world to help trouble shoot and launch new software. This explains why it took him 3 weeks to respond to my voicemail. He is happy. Angus was boarded with a guy back in New Mexico who fell in love with him and the Principal let him stay. No mention of any relationship. people don't normally say they are blatantly single but will usually bring up a current girlfriend while having drinks(plural) with an ex, right?
I talked about my life for a while. All in all it was a good conversation and we stayed a lot longer than I thought we would with out any type of awkwardness.
Now I will analyze:
He brought up how people can change and about telling me he was in a bad place, drinking too much for a while after we broke up.
I was blatant about how unhappy I would have been in New Mexico.
He apologized about his difficulties talking about emotions.
I expressed my belief that people either settle for a relationship in order to not be alone, find someone they can be a partner with or chose to wait.
He insisted on buying the drinks, and urged me to stay for another.
It was very casual talk, but was there something underneath it? I don't know why I bother to think about these things at all.
He walked me to my car where I produced his stuff. Another earnest hug. The Principal said "This was fun" and for some unknown reason I said "Yeah, it was." (and I meant it) "Let me know if you want to get together again sometime" (and I meant that too, much to my surprise.)
I drove home wondering why I had put that out there. Did I want to hang out with him again? Could we be just friends? Would I want more? Would he? Is that a good idea after the way our last relationship went? I decided just to go with the flow. Right, like I can do that.
Me: Thank you for hanging out. I was worried about it, but it was fun :-)
Principal: I hope to be able to do it again :-) minus the worrying as I had it just as much
Such a quick response from him made me wonder if people can change... "hope to be able to do it again" Does that mean he is going to ask me out, or what? Do I expect something?
Me: Absolutely :-) Glad it wasn't just me!
I hadn't expected to hear anything from the job interview for at least a week. When I got home from yoga Thursday night I had a voicemail from the VP of Sales asking that I give her a call back. She informed me that they were very impressed by me, loved my personality and what I had to say. They wanted to fly me to Colorado to do a final interview and so I could see their communities. After I got off the phone I jumped up and down like a complete spaz! They liked me! They really, really liked me! I am going back to making lots of money again! In a state of bliss I called my mom and texted every person in my phone, including the Principal. I was so hyper excited I barely slept at all that night, tossing and turning, mentally preparing for a job I didn't have yet but was now confident I wanted and would get. The only down side was that the Principal didn't bother to text back for 12 hours.
And I haven't heard from him since. I guess I read him wrong. If he was even entertaining the notion of reuniting, wouldn't he have asked me out again? Here I sit on a Saturday afternoon with nothing to do and he's probably doing the same. Even if he was bored, wouldn't he want to call me?
No. The Principal would never think like that. People never change.
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
The Internet Still Hates Me.
Ok. I got back on the internet and no one is there. They have all left. No winks or emails or anything.
I threw out to the universe that I am done dating and what do I get? Agreement.
Trying to be proactive I winked at mutiple guys, even emailed a couple. One said in his profile that he loved his job because he got to save the world. I thought to myself "Yes, maybe he is in Green Peace!" So I carefully crafted a breezy email:
Hi, I read your profile and am dying to know what you do to save the world. Most importantly, does it involve tights or a cape?
His response to what I believed was a witty opening:
If you really must know, I difuse Bombs.
Oh.
Wow. You really do save the world then.
And without a sense of humor it must seem. Nothing more from He-Man.
Another dude, 28, emailed asking how my week is going and if I have any fun plans coming up. I responded, but my heart isn'y into it. I want to stamp my feet and cry.... Why don't boys like me anymore?
I threw out to the universe that I am done dating and what do I get? Agreement.
Trying to be proactive I winked at mutiple guys, even emailed a couple. One said in his profile that he loved his job because he got to save the world. I thought to myself "Yes, maybe he is in Green Peace!" So I carefully crafted a breezy email:
Hi, I read your profile and am dying to know what you do to save the world. Most importantly, does it involve tights or a cape?
His response to what I believed was a witty opening:
If you really must know, I difuse Bombs.
Oh.
Wow. You really do save the world then.
And without a sense of humor it must seem. Nothing more from He-Man.
Another dude, 28, emailed asking how my week is going and if I have any fun plans coming up. I responded, but my heart isn'y into it. I want to stamp my feet and cry.... Why don't boys like me anymore?
Another Run Down Memory Lane
Something about the change in weather always makes me nostalgic. I have been dreaming about long lost relationships, my parent's house, trips from years ago. Songs come on the radio and I am transported into that time, I can see and smell the memories. I have always been this way, but this year it feels like an assault.
Friday night, my only remaining friend from high school was in town for her mom's 60th birthday. Jane has always been my crazy friend but close, though even in high school we never got together very often. Over the years it has been less and less, but we always seem to pick things back up where we left off in the short times we saw each other. I was at her first wedding 10 years ago and will be at her second one in January. I love her like my crazy cousins.
Apparently, Jane has been feeling the nostalgia too. After over a decade away from Arizona she is planning to uproot her life and head home. I worry for her, AZ isn't as eclectic as she's grown accustomed to in San Diego.
In Casa Grande there is slim pickings when it comes to night life. We chose a mostly deserted dive and ran into my old estranged DJ friend. Flashback to weird high school through 20's memories:
At 16, the most popular place to work in town was Dairy Queen. My sister worked there with all her friends so it seemed like a natural job for me. You got to spend time with your buddies and go out to parties together. It was a strange tribe. More so, were the non-Dairy Queen regulars. Friends who would stop in and mingle. One day I was cleaning the counter when DJ walked in. I had seen him at school, some of my friends had had a thing for him freshman year. He had been untouchable with a steady girlfriend. Long careless hair, penetrating blue eyes, grunge style clothes, notorious for parties. I had never talked to him before, and here he was walking toward the counter. He wanted a "blue thing". (Blue Raspberry Mr. Misty, for the laymen) He didn't get charged, the gang told me.
I started hanging out with the Dairy Queen group, and DJ. When I was dating the guy who was my "first" I was invited to DJ's house only to find my boyfriend had taken off to a party. My shoulders sagged, because I had lied to my parents to buy an extra two hours before having to get home and would now be early. DJ insisted I stay, have a beer and proceeded to teach me how to flick bottle caps, a skill I used frequently for years.
DJ's little sister Cara was very serious until I got to know her. She was a hard ass who thought I was too prim, until she got to know me. We became really close and I would stay over at their house often, DJ taking us to parties and home. One night after many beers, DJ and I were alone on the couch talking and he kissed me. So sweetly. Just kissed, and held each other until we fell asleep. Cara found us the next day full of questions, but DJ became detached and told me he didn't want to date me. I was too young. A whole 18 months younger. We tried to be friends, even got ice cream together a week later, but I was smitten and he didn't want that. Yet every time we were out at parties he would watch and smile.
A couple months later at a desert party he saw me kiss a new guy I had been dating two days and chewed me out. Oh high school! How we can be so silly and immature. DJ and I were at odds, Cara thought it was hilarious. We saw each other through our social group but DJ kept his distance and I dated yet another asshole who would later cheat on me. Then slam me between a door. And threaten me, and slam me on the concrete. DJ was the person I called. When our friend and Cara's boyfriend overdosed, we leaned on each other to try to be there for her.
When I moved away DJ would come visit me. It was always platonic, watch a movie or go out. We became friends, best friends. No matter where he was he would call to check in on me. At 19 I had my nervous breakdown, quit college, was working at a strip club waiting tables 6-7 nights a week, watched a friend die in a motorcycle accident... and DJ was right there. A vacation was needed, so he drove me to Rocky Point. The first night we sat on the beach drinking and talking, I cried about my life and he such a good friend listening. He would even stand at the end of the bar while I got drinks so boys could flirt with me.
The next day at lunch, a group of Air Force Guys sat next to us and one asked me if I would like to try his Orgasm (shot). DJ laughed as I downed the whole thing. DJ played hackey sack with some of the guys on the beach while I flirted with what was to become Air Force Guy. On the way back AFG mentioned how cool DJ was about sharing his girlfriend. "He's not my boyfriend. He's just my best friend." Later that night DJ mingled and had fun while I made out with AFG, then carried my drunk ass back to the hotel. We listened to Shaggy the whole trip. When I went to NM to visit AFG months later, DJ was working 100 miles away but came to see us. We did a swing dance at the military bar in front of everyone.
DJ would surface here and there for years. Once in a blue moon he would kiss me simply, right before I wouldn't see him again for months, but we would go back to just being friends. Once we made out like teenagers.
I was 23 when DJ's best friend died cleaning a gun. This guy was like his brother. He asked me to come to the funeral, and though DJ wanted me sitting upfront with him, I had only known his friend at a distance so I stood in the back. I went with him to the after wake, held him when he finally cried in my car. It was that night that we finally changed. DJ wouldn't let me rest in the background while he partied with people who had been an every day part of his life with his newly lost brother. He wouldn't let go of my hand. Then he just held on to me, or hugged me, and finally was just wrapped around me while everything else went on.
I stayed the night in his bed. He kissed me, wanted me, and oh just to make him feel better I wanted to give in to seven years of him never before wanting me this way...... But I knew it was grief. I was his friend, and I would give him anything, but I wouldn't lose him over something so stupid.
We became inseparable. Talking all the time, seeing each other all the time, until one night I had been out drinking early and was sobering up by 10pm. Not exactly sober, but close enough (at that idiotic time of my life) to drive to Casa Grande and finally have sex with DJ. I drove my roommate's car to the bar he worked at and the smile he gave when he saw me was like the sun coming out at night. When we slept together, it was a perfect fit. I was so happy to have my best friend. To have all of him. One night during, I was just so full I said it. I said I loved him. Which was so true. There were so many different kinds of love and I felt he was family (checking in on my dad when I wasn't around because he liked my dad), friend (all the years and things we had gone through), and as a lover. I think I scared the shit out of him.
Sometime later, at the bar where he worked DJ was so drunk one night. I was in my dance clothes after teaching for three hours. He started yelling at me that he loved me. This wasn't right. Where was my friend? Where was the person who shielded me, took me from parties before a fight or cops happened, who lovingly kept his distance for seven years because it was never the right time for us? A few days pass, DJ planned to come up to Tempe and I was making dinner. I have since learned that if I try to cook and be domestic my relationships end shortly thereafter. He never showed. He never called. He didn't answer his phone. For TWO days. I couldn't call Cara because she was in boot camp. I didn't know how to get a hold of his mom. So I waited. And got pissed.
Sitting with my roommate, I decided to call the bar. I asked if DJ was there and the bartender told me to hold on. I threw the phone at my roommate. She told DJ I had left some things at his place and she was coming to get them tomorrow night, then hung up. We had been dating less than three months. Seven years of friendship was fucked in less than a quarter of a year. I went to get my stuff, and he had the puppy dog eyes. Some shit had happened regarding his 2nd DUI, he was worried about driving to Tempe, had left his phone at his moms... I told him to stop the excuses. If he had wanted to see me, contact me, he would have come hell or high water. I could have helped him. He cried. I told him he needed to start being a man.
We were never the same again. I would see him around town, he would watch like all those years ago at parties. Then he stopped. He had a girlfriend who didn't like the looks of me when I came to say hi. He ignored me. I would get a phone call once in awhile wanting to know how I have been. I missed my friend... He called when he heard my dad died, but didn't come to the funeral.
He has a daughter now with the girlfriend who didn't care for me, has been sober 5 years, and owns his own company which is doing really well. I started ignoring his voice mails, twice a year, after yelling at him one night 4 years ago at a wedding that he couldn't be my friend anymore even though I missed him. It was the most embarrassing night of my life for soooooo many reasons- the night of not being able to walk, talk or see, a WHOLE separate story.
So, back to Friday night and seeing him again. It was strange to see this person who will forever be a part of me, but I can no longer share any closeness. Looking into his eyes, the kind that look like they know what you are thinking, I wanted to go back to high school and flick beer caps with him. I gave him a hug, then went to get a drink with Jane and her fiance'. We found a little table to sit at and not five minutes later
"Girl, you're my angel, you're my darling angel
Closer than my peeps you are to me, baby
Shorty, you're my angel, you're my darling angel
Girl, you're my friend when I'm in need, lady
Life is one big party when you're still young
But who's gonna have your back when it's all done
It's all good when you're little, you have pure fun
Can't be a fool, son, what about the long run
Looking back Shorty always mention
Said me not giving her much attention
She was there through my incarceration
I want to show the nation my appreciation
Girl, you're my angel, you're my darling angel
Closer than my peeps you are to me, baby
Shorty, you're my angel, you're my darling angel
Girl, you're my friend when I'm in need, lady
You're a queen and so you should be treated
Though you never get the lovin' that you needed
Could have left, but I called and you heeded
Begged and I pleaded, mission completed
Mama said that I and I dissed the program
Not the type to mess around with her emotion
But the feeling that I have for you is so strong
Been together so long and this could never be wrong
Girl, you're my angel, you're my darling angel
Closer than my peeps you are to me, baby
Shorty, you're my angel, you're my darling angel
Girl, you're my friend when I'm in need, lady
Uh, uh
Girl, in spite of my behavior, said I'm your savior
(You must be sent from up above)
And you appear to me so tender, say girl I surrender
(Thanks for giving me your love)"
He remembered.
Maybe one day we will get to be friends again.
Friday night, my only remaining friend from high school was in town for her mom's 60th birthday. Jane has always been my crazy friend but close, though even in high school we never got together very often. Over the years it has been less and less, but we always seem to pick things back up where we left off in the short times we saw each other. I was at her first wedding 10 years ago and will be at her second one in January. I love her like my crazy cousins.
Apparently, Jane has been feeling the nostalgia too. After over a decade away from Arizona she is planning to uproot her life and head home. I worry for her, AZ isn't as eclectic as she's grown accustomed to in San Diego.
In Casa Grande there is slim pickings when it comes to night life. We chose a mostly deserted dive and ran into my old estranged DJ friend. Flashback to weird high school through 20's memories:
At 16, the most popular place to work in town was Dairy Queen. My sister worked there with all her friends so it seemed like a natural job for me. You got to spend time with your buddies and go out to parties together. It was a strange tribe. More so, were the non-Dairy Queen regulars. Friends who would stop in and mingle. One day I was cleaning the counter when DJ walked in. I had seen him at school, some of my friends had had a thing for him freshman year. He had been untouchable with a steady girlfriend. Long careless hair, penetrating blue eyes, grunge style clothes, notorious for parties. I had never talked to him before, and here he was walking toward the counter. He wanted a "blue thing". (Blue Raspberry Mr. Misty, for the laymen) He didn't get charged, the gang told me.
I started hanging out with the Dairy Queen group, and DJ. When I was dating the guy who was my "first" I was invited to DJ's house only to find my boyfriend had taken off to a party. My shoulders sagged, because I had lied to my parents to buy an extra two hours before having to get home and would now be early. DJ insisted I stay, have a beer and proceeded to teach me how to flick bottle caps, a skill I used frequently for years.
DJ's little sister Cara was very serious until I got to know her. She was a hard ass who thought I was too prim, until she got to know me. We became really close and I would stay over at their house often, DJ taking us to parties and home. One night after many beers, DJ and I were alone on the couch talking and he kissed me. So sweetly. Just kissed, and held each other until we fell asleep. Cara found us the next day full of questions, but DJ became detached and told me he didn't want to date me. I was too young. A whole 18 months younger. We tried to be friends, even got ice cream together a week later, but I was smitten and he didn't want that. Yet every time we were out at parties he would watch and smile.
A couple months later at a desert party he saw me kiss a new guy I had been dating two days and chewed me out. Oh high school! How we can be so silly and immature. DJ and I were at odds, Cara thought it was hilarious. We saw each other through our social group but DJ kept his distance and I dated yet another asshole who would later cheat on me. Then slam me between a door. And threaten me, and slam me on the concrete. DJ was the person I called. When our friend and Cara's boyfriend overdosed, we leaned on each other to try to be there for her.
When I moved away DJ would come visit me. It was always platonic, watch a movie or go out. We became friends, best friends. No matter where he was he would call to check in on me. At 19 I had my nervous breakdown, quit college, was working at a strip club waiting tables 6-7 nights a week, watched a friend die in a motorcycle accident... and DJ was right there. A vacation was needed, so he drove me to Rocky Point. The first night we sat on the beach drinking and talking, I cried about my life and he such a good friend listening. He would even stand at the end of the bar while I got drinks so boys could flirt with me.
The next day at lunch, a group of Air Force Guys sat next to us and one asked me if I would like to try his Orgasm (shot). DJ laughed as I downed the whole thing. DJ played hackey sack with some of the guys on the beach while I flirted with what was to become Air Force Guy. On the way back AFG mentioned how cool DJ was about sharing his girlfriend. "He's not my boyfriend. He's just my best friend." Later that night DJ mingled and had fun while I made out with AFG, then carried my drunk ass back to the hotel. We listened to Shaggy the whole trip. When I went to NM to visit AFG months later, DJ was working 100 miles away but came to see us. We did a swing dance at the military bar in front of everyone.
DJ would surface here and there for years. Once in a blue moon he would kiss me simply, right before I wouldn't see him again for months, but we would go back to just being friends. Once we made out like teenagers.
I was 23 when DJ's best friend died cleaning a gun. This guy was like his brother. He asked me to come to the funeral, and though DJ wanted me sitting upfront with him, I had only known his friend at a distance so I stood in the back. I went with him to the after wake, held him when he finally cried in my car. It was that night that we finally changed. DJ wouldn't let me rest in the background while he partied with people who had been an every day part of his life with his newly lost brother. He wouldn't let go of my hand. Then he just held on to me, or hugged me, and finally was just wrapped around me while everything else went on.
I stayed the night in his bed. He kissed me, wanted me, and oh just to make him feel better I wanted to give in to seven years of him never before wanting me this way...... But I knew it was grief. I was his friend, and I would give him anything, but I wouldn't lose him over something so stupid.
We became inseparable. Talking all the time, seeing each other all the time, until one night I had been out drinking early and was sobering up by 10pm. Not exactly sober, but close enough (at that idiotic time of my life) to drive to Casa Grande and finally have sex with DJ. I drove my roommate's car to the bar he worked at and the smile he gave when he saw me was like the sun coming out at night. When we slept together, it was a perfect fit. I was so happy to have my best friend. To have all of him. One night during, I was just so full I said it. I said I loved him. Which was so true. There were so many different kinds of love and I felt he was family (checking in on my dad when I wasn't around because he liked my dad), friend (all the years and things we had gone through), and as a lover. I think I scared the shit out of him.
Sometime later, at the bar where he worked DJ was so drunk one night. I was in my dance clothes after teaching for three hours. He started yelling at me that he loved me. This wasn't right. Where was my friend? Where was the person who shielded me, took me from parties before a fight or cops happened, who lovingly kept his distance for seven years because it was never the right time for us? A few days pass, DJ planned to come up to Tempe and I was making dinner. I have since learned that if I try to cook and be domestic my relationships end shortly thereafter. He never showed. He never called. He didn't answer his phone. For TWO days. I couldn't call Cara because she was in boot camp. I didn't know how to get a hold of his mom. So I waited. And got pissed.
Sitting with my roommate, I decided to call the bar. I asked if DJ was there and the bartender told me to hold on. I threw the phone at my roommate. She told DJ I had left some things at his place and she was coming to get them tomorrow night, then hung up. We had been dating less than three months. Seven years of friendship was fucked in less than a quarter of a year. I went to get my stuff, and he had the puppy dog eyes. Some shit had happened regarding his 2nd DUI, he was worried about driving to Tempe, had left his phone at his moms... I told him to stop the excuses. If he had wanted to see me, contact me, he would have come hell or high water. I could have helped him. He cried. I told him he needed to start being a man.
We were never the same again. I would see him around town, he would watch like all those years ago at parties. Then he stopped. He had a girlfriend who didn't like the looks of me when I came to say hi. He ignored me. I would get a phone call once in awhile wanting to know how I have been. I missed my friend... He called when he heard my dad died, but didn't come to the funeral.
He has a daughter now with the girlfriend who didn't care for me, has been sober 5 years, and owns his own company which is doing really well. I started ignoring his voice mails, twice a year, after yelling at him one night 4 years ago at a wedding that he couldn't be my friend anymore even though I missed him. It was the most embarrassing night of my life for soooooo many reasons- the night of not being able to walk, talk or see, a WHOLE separate story.
So, back to Friday night and seeing him again. It was strange to see this person who will forever be a part of me, but I can no longer share any closeness. Looking into his eyes, the kind that look like they know what you are thinking, I wanted to go back to high school and flick beer caps with him. I gave him a hug, then went to get a drink with Jane and her fiance'. We found a little table to sit at and not five minutes later
"Girl, you're my angel, you're my darling angel
Closer than my peeps you are to me, baby
Shorty, you're my angel, you're my darling angel
Girl, you're my friend when I'm in need, lady
Life is one big party when you're still young
But who's gonna have your back when it's all done
It's all good when you're little, you have pure fun
Can't be a fool, son, what about the long run
Looking back Shorty always mention
Said me not giving her much attention
She was there through my incarceration
I want to show the nation my appreciation
Girl, you're my angel, you're my darling angel
Closer than my peeps you are to me, baby
Shorty, you're my angel, you're my darling angel
Girl, you're my friend when I'm in need, lady
You're a queen and so you should be treated
Though you never get the lovin' that you needed
Could have left, but I called and you heeded
Begged and I pleaded, mission completed
Mama said that I and I dissed the program
Not the type to mess around with her emotion
But the feeling that I have for you is so strong
Been together so long and this could never be wrong
Girl, you're my angel, you're my darling angel
Closer than my peeps you are to me, baby
Shorty, you're my angel, you're my darling angel
Girl, you're my friend when I'm in need, lady
Uh, uh
Girl, in spite of my behavior, said I'm your savior
(You must be sent from up above)
And you appear to me so tender, say girl I surrender
(Thanks for giving me your love)"
He remembered.
Maybe one day we will get to be friends again.
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