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My friend and boss, Mark decided to have a get together for his 50th . Mark's birthday happened to be on the Saturday when the Principal and I were supposed to meet again, but since he hadn’t proposed any plans I figured he could come with me or bow out. His choice. I realized how awkward it would be to meet all my friends. Hehehehe... That could be rather entertaining!
Surprise, surprise, he wants to come to the party after all. I thought perhaps he'd suggest we get together another night so I could enjoy my time with my friends, or some such excuse. Part of me thought he was being a stand up guy coming out to meet all my friends, to endure being inevitably left out at some point, and having everybody judging him. My friends would say they don’t judge, but they totally do. It's one of the many things I love them for!
To be even more brave, I invited the Principal to meet me at my house. Our previous two dates had been in his area and now he would get to see what the suburbs look like in my world. The house was clean, smelled great..
Admittedly, I was nervous. This was now a real date. Checking myself out in the mirror to make sure my hair looked okay, my ass didn’t look too big in my jeans, and sometimes just to stick out my tongue at myself for getting wrapped up in this dating mess all over again.
He was late, which was a good thing. It gave me time to compose myself and relax a little. To my utter astonishment, however, the Principal showed up bearing gifts. I opened the door greeted by a smiling guy holding a Christmas bag proudly in both arms. Unable to help myself I giggled. Not my proudest moment, beacause it's a strange sound coming from me. The expression on his face was like a kid riding a bike for the first time.
I tried to ignore the bag once he was inside the house, but didn’t want to seem rude. I mean, what do you say? “Ooooh! Is that for me?” when quite obviously it IS for me? Out of the slightly ripped bag came a 12 pack of Pacifico and a package of Oreo cookies! Awwww! I had shared with him on our last date that I don't drink milk. The Principal inquired how I was able to eat Oreos. With beer of course! This had brought on disbelief and a little disgust from him before he was able to admit that he couldn’t knock it 'til he tried it.
I was blown away by the thoughtfulness. The Principal always appeared to listen to me but to actually do something with the information he gleaned from our conversations… is a little bit scary. Meaning I like it and that is never a good sign.
In addition to the beer and cookies he gave me a Christmas card. Snowman yelling at his snowdog who'd left "ice cubes" melting on the floor. He wrote himself: Good for two free tickets to any show you want to see. “One of your school’s shows?” I asked. “No! Any show you want to see. Musical, ballet, whatever.” he said. Hmmm... This is turning out far worse than I ever could have imagined.
The Principal offered to drive to the bar so I could drink and have fun. Considerate or hoping I’m a sloppy drunk so he can take advantage of me? Fear was making my back hurt. Please, please don't let him be a clinger! At first, I focussed just on talking to him but as the night wore on my fantastic friends included him in their conversations. I didn't have to worry about hurting anyone’s feelings or ignoring him.
The Principal did a fine job of reaching out on his own too. I could tell he was nervous in the beginning but handled the situation like a pro. Once, when he excused himself to the bathroom my friends Kelly and Julie leaned forward to tell me what they thought.
“He is a very good looking man!”-Kelly
“Wow, he seems normal!”-Julie
"No! I mean he's a really good looking man!"-Kelly
"Pretty soon you'll be counting the ceiling tiles, Katester!"- Markie
Thank you, thank you I say and proceed to fill them in on the thoughtful gift he’d brought with him to my house. Kelly just kept letting me know what a handsome man he is. I think she was going through some withdrawls... All too soon, the Principal returned silencing our discussion. I took a closer look at him after all Kelly’s purring. He really is good looking. Clean cut, but not in a preppy way. Really nice eyes with a bit of devilish gleam when he’s saying something funny. The Principal is a hottie. Well, I had not counted on that. I must be as blind as I am deaf!
Back at my house, we sat on the sofa talking and laughing. The Principal kept getting closer and closer, occasionally giving me a kiss. I must be the most non-girl of all girls out there because I was still having trouble figuring this out. He asked to stay over. There you go. I figured it out.
Being the nice person I am, I told him that he could stay over, seeing as it is a long drive back up to his place and it was so late at night. But, I was very clear that there was to be no hanky panky otherwise he had to sleep in the spare bedroom. I should have just put him in there in the first place, but then I'd have to clean another set of sheets...
The Principal seemed very understanding and even a bit shy about sleeping in my bed. He got a good laugh at my oversized sweats even though he'd been warned. I offered sleep pants when I saw that he was sitting uncomfortably on the bed in his jeans. He deferred, saying he'd feel silly wearing a girl's pajamas (I wasn't about to tell him I've systematically stolen all those comfy sweats from men over the years). He asked if it would be okay for him to sleep in his boxers. Whatever floats your boat, dude. Just don’t float it around my marina.
In bed we kissed and he got shy again. The old me, the one that pursued men and found them charming when they don’t know what to do with themselves, teased him. He came back, a little stronger but very respectful of the boundaries I had outlined. No hanky panky. There was some G-rated necking until settling for sleep. It was kind of a buzz kill.
I don’t think I slept more than two hours. I kept waking up next to a furnace in the middle of my bed. Why do men radiate heat while they sleep?
Way earlier than I normally like waking up, I was awake. The Principal lay on his side, facing away from me. I wish I could say I lay there, so we would have an opportunity to cuddle when he awoke. I’m just not that girl.
Instead I became accutely aware that I had to go to the bathroom. Number 2, if you know what I mean. All that damn beer I drank the night before had fermented in my stomach and needed release.
My house is on the older, thinner walled side so I was at a loss about what to do. I could run the risk of going to the spare bathroom in the hall, but it shares a wall with the master bedroom. The guy might be asleep but what if he wakes up and hears me? The discomfort was beginning to make me go as cross-eyed as my cat. I decided to get up, go in the kitchen and make some tea. Maybe if I go outside and let out a little gas that will make the pressure lessen… Well, I gave that a try but it only made the need to go that much worse. There was nothing to be done except wait. In pain.
About the longest hour later, the Principal, with his hair sticking out every which way, came into the kitchen where I was writing about our date in my laptop. Giving me a smile he came over for a hug and kiss. He wrapped his arms around me, rubbed my back, all the nice things I hear guys are supposed to do when they really enjoy spending the night with you. And he didn't even get any! While my brain enjoyed this, my gut was telling him to get the hell out.
We chatted about the party the night before and I even offered him some of my tea, knowing he's a coffee drinker. I wanted to be convincing so we could hurry this cozy scene along and get him on the road. As much as I was enjoying his arms around me and how sweet he was being my insides continued cramping and distorting painfully. There was a moment I would have believed an alien was trying to scratch its way out of my abdomen.
When he announced his departure plan (at long last) I had to mask my elation, which was almost as difficult as keeping the alien from bursting out of my belly. I said all the "Aww, its too bad you have to leave so soon" and "I had a great time" crap until he was safely out the door. I even made sure he'd driven away, certainly not wanting him coming back and knocking when I was indisposed. Then I sprinted to the bathroom. It was the best moment of my life! Thank God! I was smiling ear to ear even though I had an audience of a waggy tailed dog and screaming cat.
Now that I felt better, it was back to bed so I could re-wake-up at a more sensible hour. Preferably by lunch time.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Second Date?
Second date with the Principal, he asked me to join him for his school’s Winter Gala. Naturally I asked what the hell a Winter Gala is exactly. I was imaging a fruity school dance where I would have to wear a dress. I don't like dresses. Especially when I am the type of person who tends to fall on my face infront of a group of people.
Well, his school is into the performing arts and they have performances every semester, he thought I might enjoy it. Thank God its not a dance. Being the holiday season, I figured he just needed a date to accompany him to this thing. I was obviously available…
I like performing arts and said yes. My expectation was to see some kids sing and dance and that’s all folks. The Principal described the event as “an obligatory night of pain and torture.” He said he’d make it up to me, actually being flirtatious in his texting. Hmmm. Not to be trusted. My guydar has been off lately so I would take this “date” at face value. Filling a position for an obligatory event he had to attend. And then some food. And beer. There better be some beer.
The Principal picked me up at work, brought me Starbucks, and opened the car door for me. Very gentlemanly. His kids must suck, right? Is he trying to butter me up for this horrible performance? I still didn’t mind because I happen to love school performances, no matter how awful they are I'm able to see the potential. I miss being involved with kids and arts so this was actually a treat for me. Maybe he knew that? That would be indicative of thoughtfulness...
Showing me around his school, his office, the dance rooms.. knowing I would salivate over the dance floors being an ex-dancer myself. He was being so nice I almost thought he was interested in me. Even during the second act he said that “the company was making the performance better”. I gave him my “you’re full of shit” laugh and proceeded to have a good time. I was proud of myself for not being nervous, but then again it is kind of difficult to be nervous when you have zero expectations of the fake date going anywhere.
After the show we went to a really posh bar called My Florist. The ambiance was set by a baby grand piano played by a professional all night. It was expensive. The type of place that serves hoity toity cheese and ten dollar organic beer. People that go there are fashionable to the point of severe debt. Everything was designer. This is Phoenix, people! Not Manhattan!
The Principal is easy to talk to because he does most of the talking. Now, I have horrible hearing so there was a lot of what he said that I just hoped I was responding to accordingly. I probably would have leaned in to hear better had I thought it mattered. There was a moment I grimaced when I should have smiled, but figured he would get over any faux pas I made. I mean, it wasn’t like a real date, just that he needed me to fill space for a holiday function.
Having driven separately to the bar, we ended up standing by our cars again saying lame goodbyes. That's when he walks straight up to me to wrap his arms around my waist. Wait a second! Did I get this wrong? Maybe he’s just feeling me out to see if he can get some? The last time we went out he barely stood within three feet of me before rushing off. He acted as if I’d singed his tail when I playfully bumped shoulders. God, I hate being this naive but men make us this way, do they not?
Fast forward to having a very nice first kiss. It was soft, sweet, a little seductive. Crap. Not so sure I'm ready to like another guy. I need to get over my perception that men lie and women should conquer the earth in order to enslave the bastards. But here I am, kissing and staring into his eyes like I’m enjoying myself. Hmph.
I should have driven home ecstatic I was wrong about his reasons for asking me out, but instead I felt like crying. When would I learn to read people correctly? The Principal could very well be a nice guy, but I'm so hung up on the fact that I continually meet Mr. Wrong I can't trust what I see. Hell, half the time what I see is false. Men think they can put on a good face in the beginning to suck a woman in. Next thing you know his ass is denting your couch from watching Sports Center 20hours a day and he looks at you like you're an alien for suggesting he do some physical activity for a change.
Thus, I keep dating and keep hoping and keep getting hurt. This is an irritating cycle, to say the least. I like my house and perhaps should just stay there from now on as venturing out of it has been quite confusing lately…
So, the drive home was melancholy. Aren't girls supposed to be happy when they get kissed at the end of a date? Giving myself a pep talk did not help the next day, so instead I texted the Principal and told him I had a nice time. He takes a long time to communicate, that one. Eventually he texted me back and asked me out again. Wonder of wonders. What the hell am I going to do now that I know he really is trying to date me? It's much less acceptable to get all wound up and nervous on the third date after you’ve been laid back for the first two. I am so bad at this dating shit.
Well, his school is into the performing arts and they have performances every semester, he thought I might enjoy it. Thank God its not a dance. Being the holiday season, I figured he just needed a date to accompany him to this thing. I was obviously available…
I like performing arts and said yes. My expectation was to see some kids sing and dance and that’s all folks. The Principal described the event as “an obligatory night of pain and torture.” He said he’d make it up to me, actually being flirtatious in his texting. Hmmm. Not to be trusted. My guydar has been off lately so I would take this “date” at face value. Filling a position for an obligatory event he had to attend. And then some food. And beer. There better be some beer.
The Principal picked me up at work, brought me Starbucks, and opened the car door for me. Very gentlemanly. His kids must suck, right? Is he trying to butter me up for this horrible performance? I still didn’t mind because I happen to love school performances, no matter how awful they are I'm able to see the potential. I miss being involved with kids and arts so this was actually a treat for me. Maybe he knew that? That would be indicative of thoughtfulness...
Showing me around his school, his office, the dance rooms.. knowing I would salivate over the dance floors being an ex-dancer myself. He was being so nice I almost thought he was interested in me. Even during the second act he said that “the company was making the performance better”. I gave him my “you’re full of shit” laugh and proceeded to have a good time. I was proud of myself for not being nervous, but then again it is kind of difficult to be nervous when you have zero expectations of the fake date going anywhere.
After the show we went to a really posh bar called My Florist. The ambiance was set by a baby grand piano played by a professional all night. It was expensive. The type of place that serves hoity toity cheese and ten dollar organic beer. People that go there are fashionable to the point of severe debt. Everything was designer. This is Phoenix, people! Not Manhattan!
The Principal is easy to talk to because he does most of the talking. Now, I have horrible hearing so there was a lot of what he said that I just hoped I was responding to accordingly. I probably would have leaned in to hear better had I thought it mattered. There was a moment I grimaced when I should have smiled, but figured he would get over any faux pas I made. I mean, it wasn’t like a real date, just that he needed me to fill space for a holiday function.
Having driven separately to the bar, we ended up standing by our cars again saying lame goodbyes. That's when he walks straight up to me to wrap his arms around my waist. Wait a second! Did I get this wrong? Maybe he’s just feeling me out to see if he can get some? The last time we went out he barely stood within three feet of me before rushing off. He acted as if I’d singed his tail when I playfully bumped shoulders. God, I hate being this naive but men make us this way, do they not?
Fast forward to having a very nice first kiss. It was soft, sweet, a little seductive. Crap. Not so sure I'm ready to like another guy. I need to get over my perception that men lie and women should conquer the earth in order to enslave the bastards. But here I am, kissing and staring into his eyes like I’m enjoying myself. Hmph.
I should have driven home ecstatic I was wrong about his reasons for asking me out, but instead I felt like crying. When would I learn to read people correctly? The Principal could very well be a nice guy, but I'm so hung up on the fact that I continually meet Mr. Wrong I can't trust what I see. Hell, half the time what I see is false. Men think they can put on a good face in the beginning to suck a woman in. Next thing you know his ass is denting your couch from watching Sports Center 20hours a day and he looks at you like you're an alien for suggesting he do some physical activity for a change.
Thus, I keep dating and keep hoping and keep getting hurt. This is an irritating cycle, to say the least. I like my house and perhaps should just stay there from now on as venturing out of it has been quite confusing lately…
So, the drive home was melancholy. Aren't girls supposed to be happy when they get kissed at the end of a date? Giving myself a pep talk did not help the next day, so instead I texted the Principal and told him I had a nice time. He takes a long time to communicate, that one. Eventually he texted me back and asked me out again. Wonder of wonders. What the hell am I going to do now that I know he really is trying to date me? It's much less acceptable to get all wound up and nervous on the third date after you’ve been laid back for the first two. I am so bad at this dating shit.
The Principal
The Principal is a product of my online dating. A much needed break was taken from the online dating site for a while. No dates in a couple months and I was starting to feel more like myself again. At work, my officemate Kelly was asking about the internet dating scene and by answering her questions, I started getting back into the swing of things myself. One of the first profiles that I came across was the Principal.
In his picture he was wearing a white dress shirt, sitting back smiling at the camera. Probably a pic from a wedding. He looked like that clean-cut, all-American nice guy. Picture perfect with white teeth who you can imagine coaching kids soccer and driving a Tahoe. He looked like the type of guy I always pictured walking down an aisle with… The other photo of him was sitting on a rock looking out at nature. Hmmm… That could be a problem if he’s all out-doorsy while I loathe bugs and squatting to pee. Better hold any “I do” thoughts on that note.
But when I started reading his “About Me” I discovered that we had quite a bit in common. His favorite thing to do is sit out on his patio. He believes that he has the most amazing dog (which I would have to argue since my dog Cutter is actually the most fantabulous dog EVER.) He likes to read, loves teaching because of the kids, describes himself as sarcastic. I clapped my hands in excitement, then initiated the contact by sending him questions.
I must say, I never thought I would get very far with this guy. He took an excruciatingly long time to reply to my questions and ask his own. I think we were matched 7/27 and in September we were barely getting to the open communication of emails. Then I would wait a week for a response. This was almost as bad as waiting for a stage coach or a freaking telegram! I put it out of mind that he was busy and obviously not that seriously interested in dating.
In the middle of October, though, I was seeing Tall Guy and still had not been asked out by the Principal. To me, this is just the way it goes when a guy doesn’t have much interest or time. However, the end of October brought the Principal around to asking me out. I put it off because I was head over heels for that hairy Tall person. I felt bad for telling him I was so busy instead of just saying that I was seeing someone else. Perhaps, in the back of my mind I knew that the Tall Guy was going to flake out on me and I'd have to go back to dating.
I was interested in the Principal, but Geez! Its almost as if he got bored and thought “Hey, there's that one girl that I email every other week or so… maybe she’d like to hang out.” I blew it off. I told him I had to work late, which I did but I didn’t reschedule and didn’t drop him a line every now and then like I had done in the past.
Middle of November, after I had cried my eyes out over He Who Shall Not Be Named, I texted the Principal to say hi. I figured I'd feel him out and apologize for being MIA. He was understanding and asked me out again. Before I could lose my nerve I said “How about this Friday.” And that was that. I had cried over that tall hairy bastard, now I was going to move on. The Principal may not work out, but at least I'm trying. Plus, I go into dating with the attitude that, yes, I may discover a sappy yet meaningful relationship but if not, at least they served beer.
The Principal and I met at an Irish Pub. I got there first, which is unusual for me. I am not punctual. I have my own clock. Walking through the cozy little pub I got hit on several times. Hell Yeah! Stroke the ego! I didn't exactly understand why it was happening though and don’t think I had been so openly hit on by men in years. Then again, one must leave the house in normal people clothes in order to get hit on I suppose. Perhaps this pub was where Sex Addicts Anonymous come after their group meetings.
Before I was jumped, the Principal came strolling in looking at ease. I shook his hand which I’ve been told not to do… Hand shaking according to my officemate Kelly is too professional and sets up boundaries… Without thinking I did it anyway.
We grabbed a booth in a little alcove where we could talk. The biggest thing I noticed about the Principal: he had a hard time looking me in the eye. Not in a nervous way or a serial killer way, but more like he’s just one of those people who always has to focus on something else when they talk about themselves. He would look at me directly when I spoke which was rather piercing.
I found him entertaining to talk to, but was not feeling a connection or a spark. It seemed almost as if he was going through all the movements you're expected to go through on a date without really being engaged in it. On our way out we stood talking in the parking lot. As we laughed about the fact that the Principal loves Neil Diamond music(an interestingly dorky fact) I saw him visibly loosen up. We were parked on car away from one another.. Talked more. I bumped his arm flirtatiously, just to feel him out. He moved away like I had burned him. Not even a handshake goodnight. Nope.
I didn’t feel dejected as I drove home. I think the Tall Guy had made me feel about as low as I could feel that week. Being the smart girl I am, figured the Principal just wasn’t digging me. And that’s ok. I thought he was a nice guy, but I wasn’t getting the vibe off him either.
After a couple days, no call, no text. I knew it just didn’t work for the Principal. I was over the whole idea that men would ever be respectful enough to tell a girl that they're not interested in pursuing them. Send a text that said "It was nice to meet you. Good luck with dating!" or "Thanks for meeting on Friday, but I don't think it will work out for us." They just fade away.
Then I got a random text regarding a leopard print snuggie for sale at Walgreens from the Principal. I laughed my butt off. I had mentioned how handy a snuggy would be sitting out on the patio when it gets cold! Over the next two weeks we’d text occasionally. Kind of like he has a rare case of texting tourettes. I thought that was it, random contact to another person. Until he asked me out again. I couldn’t believe it. Maybe he is crazy!
In his picture he was wearing a white dress shirt, sitting back smiling at the camera. Probably a pic from a wedding. He looked like that clean-cut, all-American nice guy. Picture perfect with white teeth who you can imagine coaching kids soccer and driving a Tahoe. He looked like the type of guy I always pictured walking down an aisle with… The other photo of him was sitting on a rock looking out at nature. Hmmm… That could be a problem if he’s all out-doorsy while I loathe bugs and squatting to pee. Better hold any “I do” thoughts on that note.
But when I started reading his “About Me” I discovered that we had quite a bit in common. His favorite thing to do is sit out on his patio. He believes that he has the most amazing dog (which I would have to argue since my dog Cutter is actually the most fantabulous dog EVER.) He likes to read, loves teaching because of the kids, describes himself as sarcastic. I clapped my hands in excitement, then initiated the contact by sending him questions.
I must say, I never thought I would get very far with this guy. He took an excruciatingly long time to reply to my questions and ask his own. I think we were matched 7/27 and in September we were barely getting to the open communication of emails. Then I would wait a week for a response. This was almost as bad as waiting for a stage coach or a freaking telegram! I put it out of mind that he was busy and obviously not that seriously interested in dating.
In the middle of October, though, I was seeing Tall Guy and still had not been asked out by the Principal. To me, this is just the way it goes when a guy doesn’t have much interest or time. However, the end of October brought the Principal around to asking me out. I put it off because I was head over heels for that hairy Tall person. I felt bad for telling him I was so busy instead of just saying that I was seeing someone else. Perhaps, in the back of my mind I knew that the Tall Guy was going to flake out on me and I'd have to go back to dating.
I was interested in the Principal, but Geez! Its almost as if he got bored and thought “Hey, there's that one girl that I email every other week or so… maybe she’d like to hang out.” I blew it off. I told him I had to work late, which I did but I didn’t reschedule and didn’t drop him a line every now and then like I had done in the past.
Middle of November, after I had cried my eyes out over He Who Shall Not Be Named, I texted the Principal to say hi. I figured I'd feel him out and apologize for being MIA. He was understanding and asked me out again. Before I could lose my nerve I said “How about this Friday.” And that was that. I had cried over that tall hairy bastard, now I was going to move on. The Principal may not work out, but at least I'm trying. Plus, I go into dating with the attitude that, yes, I may discover a sappy yet meaningful relationship but if not, at least they served beer.
The Principal and I met at an Irish Pub. I got there first, which is unusual for me. I am not punctual. I have my own clock. Walking through the cozy little pub I got hit on several times. Hell Yeah! Stroke the ego! I didn't exactly understand why it was happening though and don’t think I had been so openly hit on by men in years. Then again, one must leave the house in normal people clothes in order to get hit on I suppose. Perhaps this pub was where Sex Addicts Anonymous come after their group meetings.
Before I was jumped, the Principal came strolling in looking at ease. I shook his hand which I’ve been told not to do… Hand shaking according to my officemate Kelly is too professional and sets up boundaries… Without thinking I did it anyway.
We grabbed a booth in a little alcove where we could talk. The biggest thing I noticed about the Principal: he had a hard time looking me in the eye. Not in a nervous way or a serial killer way, but more like he’s just one of those people who always has to focus on something else when they talk about themselves. He would look at me directly when I spoke which was rather piercing.
I found him entertaining to talk to, but was not feeling a connection or a spark. It seemed almost as if he was going through all the movements you're expected to go through on a date without really being engaged in it. On our way out we stood talking in the parking lot. As we laughed about the fact that the Principal loves Neil Diamond music(an interestingly dorky fact) I saw him visibly loosen up. We were parked on car away from one another.. Talked more. I bumped his arm flirtatiously, just to feel him out. He moved away like I had burned him. Not even a handshake goodnight. Nope.
I didn’t feel dejected as I drove home. I think the Tall Guy had made me feel about as low as I could feel that week. Being the smart girl I am, figured the Principal just wasn’t digging me. And that’s ok. I thought he was a nice guy, but I wasn’t getting the vibe off him either.
After a couple days, no call, no text. I knew it just didn’t work for the Principal. I was over the whole idea that men would ever be respectful enough to tell a girl that they're not interested in pursuing them. Send a text that said "It was nice to meet you. Good luck with dating!" or "Thanks for meeting on Friday, but I don't think it will work out for us." They just fade away.
Then I got a random text regarding a leopard print snuggie for sale at Walgreens from the Principal. I laughed my butt off. I had mentioned how handy a snuggy would be sitting out on the patio when it gets cold! Over the next two weeks we’d text occasionally. Kind of like he has a rare case of texting tourettes. I thought that was it, random contact to another person. Until he asked me out again. I couldn’t believe it. Maybe he is crazy!
Salsa Festival
I think that the romance is dead. Its actually the walking dead, zombie crap movie dead. I don't know how to make it better and I'm not sure I ever had any real idea on how to create romance in the first place. I mean, I can't even plan an outfit let alone be mushy on a guy.
I had invited the Principal to the Salsa Festival over a month ago. Its an event my mom and I do with our good friend, Amada. They make the fabu-tastic salsa and I dish it out which has gotten us a win three years running. I thought it would be an excellent opportunity to subject the Principal to my mother as he would have plenty of chances to run away. After our recent dates, however, I was not sure that introducing him to my mom was such a bright idea. I decided I would keep my mouth shut about the matter and pray that he would forget.
I'm not that lucky.
The weekend before the Salsa Festival, I was over at the Principal's and he brings it up. He remembered the date and all. Now, had I not already decided he shouldn't go with me, his thoughtfulness would have been touching. Even sweet. But at the moment, it was the kiss of death. Wasn't it just two weeks ago that the Principal was squirming visibly when questioned about whether or not he liked me? How do you tell a guy that you don't want him to meet your mother because you don't think he's that serious about you? You don't. You evade the subject and try to make him feel good about not going. In theory, this would have worked perfectly.
I told the Principal that I wasn't sure that he should go because my mom would ask him uncomfortable questions about our "relationship". Hand signed the quotations for him. I silently added that if he couldn't talk about our "relationship" with me he sure as hell wouldn't enjoy discussing it with my mother in front of an audience. His response: "I can handle it."
Ugh.
During the week he kept asking about it and I told him I wasn't sure if I wanted him to go. Actaully, I was quite certain that I did NOT want him to go, but you can't say that nicely so I didn't say it at all. I kept on thinking about it. By Thursday, I could think of no kind way to say the Principal shouldn't go with me to the Salsa Festival. I warned him that my mother would harrass him, but he was determined to let me know he wasn't scared. As if this was a bravery test.
So, I caved. I would take this dude that I have been "seeing", who can't define our relationship, who kinda shows me he likes me the one day a week we see each other, who only calls me if a friend of mine dies and then doesn't talk about it with me, who sleeps on his side of the bed and doesn't like to cuddle.... I'm going to introduce him to my lovely mother who can only see the glass as being half empty with a crack at the bottom. This should be fun.
The Principal showed up to my place on time Saturday. While I finished getting ready he ran to the store for some beer, returning with the kind I like especially for me. Awww.. showing me he cares, right? After some canoodling we headed off to the magical land of Maricopa for the Salsa Festival. On the road I asked the Principal how I should introduce him. This is a simple, but potentially loaded question. I simply can not resist asking. True to form, the Principal responded in jest:
Hey Mom, This is the Principal,
A) Who is as brilliant as he is good looking
B) The guy I'm crazy about
C) The greatest guy ever
I gave him the evil eye and focussed back on the road. I would just say his name as introduction and that would have to do. Should have guessed that by asking this question I would never get a straight answer. Then, the Principal turns in his seat, eyes lighting up with mischeif and says, "Well, when my parents come to town next month I will introduce you as my girlfriend."
I was momentarily speechless. Two weeks ago he didn't know how to "define us" and now he wants to be my boyfriend? Good grief! I came out of my coma to let him know that I was thankful for the heads up because if he would have just spit out that girlfriend line in front of his parents I probably would have some choice words and odd facial expressions he might not appreciate. Hearing that the Principal thought of me as his girlfriend should have made me ecstatic, but instead I felt like my insides dropped down to my toes where they promptly began to dissolve in acid. Was I boxing myself in with an emotionally devoid individual. Seal my coffin and wait for the dead to rise.
At the Salsa Festival I introduced him by his name and left it at that. Since the tent was hopping and I had to get right to work, I don't think that the Principal noticed. Of course, my lovely mother had to get in a comment about his aloofness within the first 3 seconds of meeting. Other than that we had a great time. He helped out a lot more than I thought he would by smiling, being charming and attentive to my needs...
My mom was amazingly on her best behavior, aside from snickering that I'd lost another "boyfriend" to the Salsa Festival while the Principal was off buying me beer. She believed that after the Needy Guy I should keep all men away from Maricopa (and her). Later, she attributed her lack of nastiness to the fact that my sister had called and demanded mom behave in our presence. Gotta love good ole Meggie! Lovely mother had to put in her own two cents, though, and added that she was just too busy to grill the guy.
After we dished out all the salsa, the Principal and I walked around the park drinking beer and in search of the elusvie Pink Panther ice cream bar. I have waited years to find one. The Principal had spotted it at an ice cream truck, rushed back to tell me all excited that he had found my dream popsicle! And of course they sold out before I could get my hands on that cool, pink goodness! I opted for a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle instead, but that fucker turned my whole mouth green. I threw it out halfway through. Everyone got a good laugh whenever my green tongue appeared, so I decided to show it off as much as possible when anyone mocked me.
We won for the fourth year. We jumped up and down like hedgehogs and screamed like coyotes. Amada decided it was our last year at the Maricopa Salsa Festival, since no one else clapped for us... We'll just move on to bigger and better competitions! Tempe watch out! I think the Principal thought we all lost our minds, but he was kinda drunk so he didn't seem to care.
Back at my house we watched a little TV before bed. When the Principal curled up on the couch in a fetal position, I knew it was time to hit the hay. I sort of felt like leaving him on the couch while I dove into a book and a couple of beers on the patio. He was sleeping so its not like it would bother him, right? Grrr... I gently hit him in the head and told him it was time to move off the couch. So, we went to bed together to sleep each on our own sides.
I awoke. It was light out. Something was very wrong but I couldn't place it. Trying to make sense of this mystery, I rolled over and buried my face in the pillow. Nothing rolled off my leg. Nothing was thumping its tail against the ground at my noisiness. Nothing was screaming to be fed while stalking me from the bottom of the bed. The Principal was also missing from my bedroom... Coming slowly more conscious I could hear the muffled sounds of a TV, probably with sports on, and coffee brewing. I lurched out of bed, figuring I better feed the beasts before the cat gets itself killed by the Principal.
When I arrived in the kitchen, looking like a zombie, the Principal glanced sheepishly over the back of the couch. Obviously, he hadn't been trying to wake me but here I was with hair sticking up all over the place looking like the grinch. With a wave of my hand I headed over to the pantry saying I just wanted to feed the animals before they drive him bonkers.
"I already took care of that. You can go back to bed, I know you wanted to sleep in." I whirled around and narrowed my eyes as if he had just told me that he buried my cat alive in the backyard. I can understand why he would feed my dog, looking all cute and doe eyed like he never gets fed. Strangers want to feed my dog. People Facebook me about how much they love the Cutterboy. But why would he feed my cat? Nobody likes the cat, not even me and especially not the Principal.... Was he trying to distract me from the fact that he was defiling my TV by watching sports on it? So I simply asked him... why?
Apparently, my new boyfriend pays attention. He had overheard me telling my mother that I'd be sleeping in until at least ten a.m. and therefore would not be coming down to Casa Grande at the buttcrack of dawn to try on clothes. He fed the beasts because they woke him up. He made coffee because he wanted some and he was perfectly content watching sports while I slept in. Hmmm... I think I like this, but since I am forced to think about whether or not I like this I am now awake and will be unable to go back to bed.
We spent the rest of the morning watching Nascar. I felt dirty afterward but think it would be fun to drink beer on top of an RV in the middle of some really fast cars. I was told that drinking beer on the roof of a mobile home is not the point of Nascar, simply a by product. I told him it was the only fucking product of this sport that was worth participating in.
I think he was bit concernee after hearing my Nascar comments and seeing my shaggy back yard that I might be leaning toward white trash. Better get to work on that. The Principal went to Lowe's to buy me weed killer which he administered to my crazy ass backyard.
He also brought back doughnuts. He lost a point for NOT getting any long johns. You can't forget long johns when you bring home doughnuts. I don't care if they DO count as two doughnuts, they are totally WORTH it! This is very important for men to know. It should be taught in sex ed classes because that's probably the only place they pay attention at a young age. Or they could put doughnut ads in with condom commercials to get the point across.
Whatever the solution, it must be done.
I ate a glazed instead.
I had invited the Principal to the Salsa Festival over a month ago. Its an event my mom and I do with our good friend, Amada. They make the fabu-tastic salsa and I dish it out which has gotten us a win three years running. I thought it would be an excellent opportunity to subject the Principal to my mother as he would have plenty of chances to run away. After our recent dates, however, I was not sure that introducing him to my mom was such a bright idea. I decided I would keep my mouth shut about the matter and pray that he would forget.
I'm not that lucky.
The weekend before the Salsa Festival, I was over at the Principal's and he brings it up. He remembered the date and all. Now, had I not already decided he shouldn't go with me, his thoughtfulness would have been touching. Even sweet. But at the moment, it was the kiss of death. Wasn't it just two weeks ago that the Principal was squirming visibly when questioned about whether or not he liked me? How do you tell a guy that you don't want him to meet your mother because you don't think he's that serious about you? You don't. You evade the subject and try to make him feel good about not going. In theory, this would have worked perfectly.
I told the Principal that I wasn't sure that he should go because my mom would ask him uncomfortable questions about our "relationship". Hand signed the quotations for him. I silently added that if he couldn't talk about our "relationship" with me he sure as hell wouldn't enjoy discussing it with my mother in front of an audience. His response: "I can handle it."
Ugh.
During the week he kept asking about it and I told him I wasn't sure if I wanted him to go. Actaully, I was quite certain that I did NOT want him to go, but you can't say that nicely so I didn't say it at all. I kept on thinking about it. By Thursday, I could think of no kind way to say the Principal shouldn't go with me to the Salsa Festival. I warned him that my mother would harrass him, but he was determined to let me know he wasn't scared. As if this was a bravery test.
So, I caved. I would take this dude that I have been "seeing", who can't define our relationship, who kinda shows me he likes me the one day a week we see each other, who only calls me if a friend of mine dies and then doesn't talk about it with me, who sleeps on his side of the bed and doesn't like to cuddle.... I'm going to introduce him to my lovely mother who can only see the glass as being half empty with a crack at the bottom. This should be fun.
The Principal showed up to my place on time Saturday. While I finished getting ready he ran to the store for some beer, returning with the kind I like especially for me. Awww.. showing me he cares, right? After some canoodling we headed off to the magical land of Maricopa for the Salsa Festival. On the road I asked the Principal how I should introduce him. This is a simple, but potentially loaded question. I simply can not resist asking. True to form, the Principal responded in jest:
Hey Mom, This is the Principal,
A) Who is as brilliant as he is good looking
B) The guy I'm crazy about
C) The greatest guy ever
I gave him the evil eye and focussed back on the road. I would just say his name as introduction and that would have to do. Should have guessed that by asking this question I would never get a straight answer. Then, the Principal turns in his seat, eyes lighting up with mischeif and says, "Well, when my parents come to town next month I will introduce you as my girlfriend."
I was momentarily speechless. Two weeks ago he didn't know how to "define us" and now he wants to be my boyfriend? Good grief! I came out of my coma to let him know that I was thankful for the heads up because if he would have just spit out that girlfriend line in front of his parents I probably would have some choice words and odd facial expressions he might not appreciate. Hearing that the Principal thought of me as his girlfriend should have made me ecstatic, but instead I felt like my insides dropped down to my toes where they promptly began to dissolve in acid. Was I boxing myself in with an emotionally devoid individual. Seal my coffin and wait for the dead to rise.
At the Salsa Festival I introduced him by his name and left it at that. Since the tent was hopping and I had to get right to work, I don't think that the Principal noticed. Of course, my lovely mother had to get in a comment about his aloofness within the first 3 seconds of meeting. Other than that we had a great time. He helped out a lot more than I thought he would by smiling, being charming and attentive to my needs...
My mom was amazingly on her best behavior, aside from snickering that I'd lost another "boyfriend" to the Salsa Festival while the Principal was off buying me beer. She believed that after the Needy Guy I should keep all men away from Maricopa (and her). Later, she attributed her lack of nastiness to the fact that my sister had called and demanded mom behave in our presence. Gotta love good ole Meggie! Lovely mother had to put in her own two cents, though, and added that she was just too busy to grill the guy.
After we dished out all the salsa, the Principal and I walked around the park drinking beer and in search of the elusvie Pink Panther ice cream bar. I have waited years to find one. The Principal had spotted it at an ice cream truck, rushed back to tell me all excited that he had found my dream popsicle! And of course they sold out before I could get my hands on that cool, pink goodness! I opted for a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle instead, but that fucker turned my whole mouth green. I threw it out halfway through. Everyone got a good laugh whenever my green tongue appeared, so I decided to show it off as much as possible when anyone mocked me.
We won for the fourth year. We jumped up and down like hedgehogs and screamed like coyotes. Amada decided it was our last year at the Maricopa Salsa Festival, since no one else clapped for us... We'll just move on to bigger and better competitions! Tempe watch out! I think the Principal thought we all lost our minds, but he was kinda drunk so he didn't seem to care.
Back at my house we watched a little TV before bed. When the Principal curled up on the couch in a fetal position, I knew it was time to hit the hay. I sort of felt like leaving him on the couch while I dove into a book and a couple of beers on the patio. He was sleeping so its not like it would bother him, right? Grrr... I gently hit him in the head and told him it was time to move off the couch. So, we went to bed together to sleep each on our own sides.
I awoke. It was light out. Something was very wrong but I couldn't place it. Trying to make sense of this mystery, I rolled over and buried my face in the pillow. Nothing rolled off my leg. Nothing was thumping its tail against the ground at my noisiness. Nothing was screaming to be fed while stalking me from the bottom of the bed. The Principal was also missing from my bedroom... Coming slowly more conscious I could hear the muffled sounds of a TV, probably with sports on, and coffee brewing. I lurched out of bed, figuring I better feed the beasts before the cat gets itself killed by the Principal.
When I arrived in the kitchen, looking like a zombie, the Principal glanced sheepishly over the back of the couch. Obviously, he hadn't been trying to wake me but here I was with hair sticking up all over the place looking like the grinch. With a wave of my hand I headed over to the pantry saying I just wanted to feed the animals before they drive him bonkers.
"I already took care of that. You can go back to bed, I know you wanted to sleep in." I whirled around and narrowed my eyes as if he had just told me that he buried my cat alive in the backyard. I can understand why he would feed my dog, looking all cute and doe eyed like he never gets fed. Strangers want to feed my dog. People Facebook me about how much they love the Cutterboy. But why would he feed my cat? Nobody likes the cat, not even me and especially not the Principal.... Was he trying to distract me from the fact that he was defiling my TV by watching sports on it? So I simply asked him... why?
Apparently, my new boyfriend pays attention. He had overheard me telling my mother that I'd be sleeping in until at least ten a.m. and therefore would not be coming down to Casa Grande at the buttcrack of dawn to try on clothes. He fed the beasts because they woke him up. He made coffee because he wanted some and he was perfectly content watching sports while I slept in. Hmmm... I think I like this, but since I am forced to think about whether or not I like this I am now awake and will be unable to go back to bed.
We spent the rest of the morning watching Nascar. I felt dirty afterward but think it would be fun to drink beer on top of an RV in the middle of some really fast cars. I was told that drinking beer on the roof of a mobile home is not the point of Nascar, simply a by product. I told him it was the only fucking product of this sport that was worth participating in.
I think he was bit concernee after hearing my Nascar comments and seeing my shaggy back yard that I might be leaning toward white trash. Better get to work on that. The Principal went to Lowe's to buy me weed killer which he administered to my crazy ass backyard.
He also brought back doughnuts. He lost a point for NOT getting any long johns. You can't forget long johns when you bring home doughnuts. I don't care if they DO count as two doughnuts, they are totally WORTH it! This is very important for men to know. It should be taught in sex ed classes because that's probably the only place they pay attention at a young age. Or they could put doughnut ads in with condom commercials to get the point across.
Whatever the solution, it must be done.
I ate a glazed instead.
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