Disconnection

It is 5:59pm.

I haven’t heard from The Principal since Monday night. I had called him, because he’d said he would text me during my Monday Patio night with Chloe then call on Tuesday night when I was going to be free. But that bitch Chloe had to go and get herself a date so plans changed. I called him instead assuming he would then text me Tuesday as he had previously said he would do on Monday. Nada.

The whole intricate planning of communication was brought on by our Friday night conversation, a.k.a fight. I told The Principal I was unhappy by how little we communicated during the week. He attempted to brush it off. I got sarcastic. He got pissed at my sarcasm in another futile attempt to brush off the matter at hand. Then, he mentioned how I could do better at the communication part.

Summary: If I wanted more out of our relationship I have to do more about it as he cannot bear the responsibility of making me feel like I’m loved.

Result: I stopped talking to him. Decided this relationship was over and went to bed planning on telling him to eff off in the morning when I would potentially be less vicious.

In the morning I woke up alone and half hoped he had packed up and went back to New Mexico. But there he was, looking sheepish and sitting on my couch. I gave him the evil eye as I went about my business, but he kept being sheepish and nice and really kissing my ass. We had a brief talk. He spouted a few basic feelings, which I hardened my heart against because really? Basic feelings from him are like jewels, but I have to scratch his eyes out for them? Doesn’t he want to tell me he loves me and misses me on a regular basis? (More than once a month or in passing occasionally?)

We went Christmas shopping and he kissed more ass. I recognized it as nothing more than trying to get into my good graces, but that tiny part of me was glad he would put in any kind of effort. By the end of the day I softened slightly. We hung out like friends. Is this what we really are? Just meant to be friends? Because friends don’t have to have lots of communication, they can just pick up where ever and have a good time.

It is now 6:20pm. No call. No text.

Last minute I decided to get dolled up and attend company Christmas Party with The Principal last Saturday. He told me I looked great. He did not pull me into his arms and tell me how beautiful I was and how he was going to love showing me off... I made a mental note that I do not live in a romance novel.

At the Christmas Party I walk in on his arm in my flowy dress. Work Guy eyes me. I feel beautiful.
Chloe met up with us and I proceeded to having a great time ...

6:27pm. He calls. He sounds pleased by his effort.

He mentions my “girl’s night.” I don’t mention his lack of texting as promised...

6:48pm. He tries to get off phone. My fault for typing and giving him an opening to talk about my book.

The Principal moves on to talking about projects at his house. The conversation goes nowhere. He’s just talking to talk. I try to put in few comments, get into what he’s talking about. I fail.

7:01pm. He says he’s going to “get off the phone now” to take his dog on a walk. Would I like him to call me tomorrow? Ummmm… I replied he could call me if he wanted to talk to me. He laughed. I sighed. We said goodnight.

No I miss you. No I love you.

Just disconnection.