Damn Holidays

I have decided that holidays grow evil as you get older. Everything they were marketed to stand for when you were younger curdled into a warped tool to humiliate, disappoint and depress us the older we become.

New Year's:
Child- fun excuse to stay up late and watch TV
Teenager thru young adulthood- fun excuse to get drunk and act inappropriate
Any age after that- Sad reminder that you have no one to kiss at midnight

Valentine's Day:
Child- fun excuse to eat candy and trade cards. Poke fun at boys with cooties who have crushes on you.
Teenager thru young adulthood- Exciting to see if anyone will take you out, send you flowers.
Any age after that- Sad reminder that you are going to have to watch co-workers get flowers then go home to an empty house and be alone

Easter:
Child- fun excuse to eat candy and get stuffed toys, wear a pretty dress
Teenager thru young adulthood- fun excuse to needle mom into continuing to buy candy and pretty dress
Any age after that- Sad reminder that you have no one to buy candy and pretty dresses for.


Memorial Day:
Child- no school!
Teenager thru young adulthood- no school! Good excuse to take a vacation, drink, and act inappropriate
Any age after that- no work! good excuse to clean the house. Sad reminder that you are the only single person at bbqs

Fourth of July:
Child- fireworks!
Teenager thru young adult- fireworks and parties!
Any age after that- can't stay up too late, work the next day. Sad reminder that you have to be in a group to watch fireworks (or stay home and protect wimp dogs from the scary noises)

Labor Day:
See Memorial Day

Halloween:
Child- candy and costumes!
Teenager thru young adulthood- good excuse to dress sexy and act inappropriate
Any age after that- Sad reminder that you have spent too much money on candy for other people's children while you sit at home in jeans and wait for the doorbell to ring

Thanksgiving:
Child- no school!
Teenager thru young adulthood- long weekend!
Any age after that- Sad reminder that your family is dwindling and you now have to take turns cooking just to be fair

Christmas:
Child- no school and presents!
Teenager thru young adulthood- no school and presents!
Any age after that- Everyone is older, less presents, spend more money and a sad reminder that you are alone and have no kids to see get excited on Christmas morning.

Birthdays:
Child- presents and parties!
Teenager thru young adulthood- presents, parties and drinking!
Any age after that- Drinking! because you just got older and will continue to get older until you are too old to live by yourself and the state makes you move.


So, with that being said.... It is seven o'clock on Valentine's Day and I barely took a shower, have yet to brush my teeth and stayed home from work all day just so I wouldn't have to see un-single people getting truckloads of flowers and my ex-boyfriend parading about in the glow of his new relationship.