What About Me?

You ever get the feeling that you are talking to thin air?  Welcome to my life.
Sometimes I think my writing is a way for me to get it all out there without having to feel like I'm interrupting someone else's air time...

Sigh.  I have resigned myself to the fact that I am just one of those people who will not meet the love of their life, get married and happily spurt offspring.  I like my life coming home to a house full of animals that occasionally love me, reading, and not having to wonder what someone else is thinking all the time.

That being said, I was feeling content rather than depressed for a change.  I laughed at work and joked with people.  One of my work guys started openly hitting on me and if he wasn't such a Lech I would think he was joking.  He was telling me how he had been trying to avoid hooking up and really dating.  It had been 3 months since he'd done the dirty with some barely legal brainless bimbo.  The blank look in his eyes made him ask "How long for you?" and immediately I muttered "Almost a year."  He laughed at my quick response but it got me thinking.............

Am I never going to have sex again?  The idea of not dating was welcome but never having sex again... EVER?  My mind started betraying me almost at once.  I started having little fantasies about a guy I noticed at Whole Foods, then a mystery man I would meet if I ever moved to Oregon and opened a book store that I could ride an ATV to through the glorious woods, then a hot baby I met in Iowa who was the friend of my baby second cousin, then even the Serial Killer at work (thank God that only lasted two days or I would never be able to look at him again), then Trey Parker from South Park, then Opie who got killed off Sons of Anarchy.  I am officially going mad.

The safety of these little fantasies is that they will never happen.  But what the hell am I supposed to do with my life if I never get to have sex again?  Inevitably, sex complicates things.  You can't just walk up to someone and say "Hi, would you like to have some sex tonight?"  Well, I suppose you can.  But then you are stuck with finding out what their name is and the whole should we kiss, should we cuddle.  It just leads to feelings which leads in two directions: Dating or Rejection.  I have had enough of both therefore I guess I was destined not to ever get my freak on again.

Perhaps I screwed myself out of the option by the copious amounts of sex I had in my 20's.  Pun intended.
Fate declared upon my 30th birthday that should I buy a cat, which I did, that the male species would no longer wish to get me naked.  Fate decided I had had enough orgasms and should now look forward to solitude and taking care of my mother in her old age, which she promises me is looming very near.

Ugh.  So after reading some romance novels, shut up Chloe, I went back online and looked at the prospects.  There had been an email from a cop in CG over ten days ago that I hadn't seen because frankly I never go on there anymore.  I emailed back.  He isn't chatty, this one, but responds pretty quickly.  I winked and emailed some others, not really caring about the entire ordeal. 

Cop states very clearly in his profile and again in email that he is ready to settle down, get married and have kids.  He'snot originally from CG so I don't know him.  After several emails he gave me his number, blah blah we text and he wants to see me tonight after I clean.  WTF.  Ok, calm down.  This isn't going to be like last time.  Meet him, in your baggy jeans and t shirt, see what his deal is, and go home.  The end.

However, he has a name like Herbert, that is not Herbert, but I can't imagine screaming it out impassioned in bed.  I would start laughing hysterically and as I have already discovered, men do not like that when they are trying to get it on.  But what would I say?  If he has manly last name, would I use that?  A nickname perhaps?  Future mothers, as sick as it may seem, please consider the dilema you would create should you name your future son something like Eggbert or Norville.

Normally I am so nervous I can't see straight.  I think after the non-feeling relationship with Scotty, discovering that the EX is happily married, and being dumped by Work Guy after discovering that the Principal who wanted to marry me would never have worked out..... I'm devoid of feeling.  Because if you can't feel, you can't get crushed into a million tiny pieces.  You CAN, however, have sex :-)

I'm ok with giving up on the idea of true romance with happily ever after, but I don't think I should give up on some nookie until I reach 40.  (I reserve the right to reconsider that at 40.)