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I have been on several dates with the Beard. Anastasia tells me he's a good guy. He's sweet, texting me all the time telling me I'm beautiful. He thinks of thoughtful dates. I mean like seeing Princess Bride on the big screen and fancy restaurant type dates. We have fun together. He brought me flowers. He drank non-alcoholic beverages at my 4th of July party with my crazy family. He helped me shop for accent shit for work. He took me to the circus.
But....
But........
Sigh.
He kisses me like we are in junior high. Or we need a safe word. I'm completely comfortable around him with the exception that there is no passion. I have been hanging out with this dude since the end of May and he hasn't tried ANYTHING.
So last week we went to a nice dinner and comedy show. I went out and bought a nice new dress, bra and undies. Not expecting anything, but to get my mojo going in general. It was fun, he even made sure that I had a good view after some head bobbing. I had tried to probe some info out of him about prior relationships but discovered he had non. 26 years old, recovering alcoholic and no prior relationships. End of the night.... Barely even some tongue.
What am I doing? This is not dating! He doesn't ask about my work. We don't talk about his plans other than paying off DUI fines and his apartment smells like dog piss. I have finally regressed to college.
How difficult is it for me to date? Let's see... Two years ago Chloe was still hung up on her ex, now she has an amazing boyfriend who is looking to propose in the next few months. They're freaking inseparable, which both makes me sick and happy at the same time. Kelly, is married. Anastasia has a steady boy toy. And me? I'm still reliving the freaking Principle and Work Guy (1st out of country the second getting engaged. Oh yeah, the EX is having a baby!)
I was watching New Girl yesterday and realized it has been YEARS since anyone has kissed me because they felt compelled. YEARS.
To end this sorry note....
I signed back up on internet dating today.
Sigh. More beer for me.
Saturday, August 17, 2013
What the Crap is Dating?
An ex-coworker of mine who is male and let me push him around invited me to a baseball game via the hated Facebook. He's a little younger than me but I thought it would be a fun outing. Trying not to be too naive, as I know men and women can never just be friends, I accepted on a friend level. I would shank him if he tried to put the moves on me and dress as unattractively as possible. Ponytail, oversized khakis, thermal, flip flops. Done.
Now, the Beard is a nice guy and all but I had some trouble not being my normal work ice queen self. He wanted to pick me up and I threatened that I would have to kill him should he discover my lair. I drove to his complex and let him drive from there. I knew he was in AA but the breathelizer in his car still shocked me. I politely clasped my hands in my lap and looked the other way. The game was fun, he was funny, but my back was starting to hurt from trying to be social. And I wanted a beer. But I can't drink in front of a person who has been sober a year and a half... that would be wrong. But it's everywhere! Men shouting out "Ice cold beer!" This kiss camera lit up the stadium and the Beard laughed about whether we would get shot and I gave him the most withering look of repulsion that could come naturally to my face. I felt bad about this later, afraid I insulted him. Oh well, at least our seats were amazing and the Diamondbacks won (a rare occasion.)
We had a nice platonic hug before I headed home and I thought, maybe that was just a friendly outing. No sparks or moves or suggestions. I could deal with that.
The following week Anastasia, who still works at my ex-job, texted me shocked that I had a date with the Beard and not notified her.
ME: Was not date. Just friendly baseball game.
Anastasia: Men and women cannot be friends! How was it!? He could be good for you!
ME: Was NOT date. If it was it didn't go very well seeing as he hasn't contacted me since. LOL!
And I truly thought it was funny for the first time in my life I hadn't analyzed whether or not someone liked me. I texted the Beard a week later requesting he hit the Mormon kid I used to antagonize in the head with a ball, to which he responded with said Morman's pissed off pic. And in what I assume was a strategic nudge from Anastasia, he asked to hang out again. In a week and a half. Friends make plans that far in advance and I assumed I was safe. We agreed to educate me on the series Dexter.
Now, the Beard is a nice guy and all but I had some trouble not being my normal work ice queen self. He wanted to pick me up and I threatened that I would have to kill him should he discover my lair. I drove to his complex and let him drive from there. I knew he was in AA but the breathelizer in his car still shocked me. I politely clasped my hands in my lap and looked the other way. The game was fun, he was funny, but my back was starting to hurt from trying to be social. And I wanted a beer. But I can't drink in front of a person who has been sober a year and a half... that would be wrong. But it's everywhere! Men shouting out "Ice cold beer!" This kiss camera lit up the stadium and the Beard laughed about whether we would get shot and I gave him the most withering look of repulsion that could come naturally to my face. I felt bad about this later, afraid I insulted him. Oh well, at least our seats were amazing and the Diamondbacks won (a rare occasion.)
We had a nice platonic hug before I headed home and I thought, maybe that was just a friendly outing. No sparks or moves or suggestions. I could deal with that.
The following week Anastasia, who still works at my ex-job, texted me shocked that I had a date with the Beard and not notified her.
ME: Was not date. Just friendly baseball game.
Anastasia: Men and women cannot be friends! How was it!? He could be good for you!
ME: Was NOT date. If it was it didn't go very well seeing as he hasn't contacted me since. LOL!
And I truly thought it was funny for the first time in my life I hadn't analyzed whether or not someone liked me. I texted the Beard a week later requesting he hit the Mormon kid I used to antagonize in the head with a ball, to which he responded with said Morman's pissed off pic. And in what I assume was a strategic nudge from Anastasia, he asked to hang out again. In a week and a half. Friends make plans that far in advance and I assumed I was safe. We agreed to educate me on the series Dexter.
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