Moves Like Jagger

After the second date with Insurance Guy things slowed down. He went out of town for work for a week and we had planned to go bowling after he got back. However, I got the flu and was confined to retching in my house for days. He took it as a blow off, texted that I could let him know if I wanted to go out again. Sigh. This was so difficult. Our phone calls knocked off and the texts trickled. I gave up.

A couple weeks later, after I had been wallowing in my black loneliness and determined to hit up yoga hard again he asked me out. I suggested we grab a drink later in the week when both of our schedules allowed.

I'm trying to be more social. Last weekend I went out with Mel, saw Ange, went to Chloe's birthday party and mingled with strangers. I felt like I had gone out more in the past week than in the past few months. This is progress. I can do this.

Wednesday night Ange and I decided to get dinner at an Irish pub in Tempe. We always have a great time together and it's the one place I can get her to indulge in fried food! Now, Ange is gorgeous and pulls all eyes wherever she goes. Petite, pretty, big boobs, so naturally she got hit on when I visited the bathroom then laughingly gave me a play-by-play. Poor guy was let down. She already has a deal.

After the cute, young waiter took my drink order and headed off I asked Ange "Is it just me, or are we being waited on by Jacob Black?" She giggled and we proceeded to talk about all things Twilight. Being the book nerd I am, I tried to explain why the books are amazing and the movies smut.

When he returned, she told him what we thought. While he occasionally got the Jacob thing, he also got Tom Cruise circa Risky Business. I could see it. Lucky kid. He and I chatted while Ange used the bathroom.

Ange and I talked work, family, gossip over fish and chips washed down with some tasty Irish beer. Jacob came by to see how we were doing regularly and would pat my shoulder when he passed. "Jacob keeps touching me." I said with a frown, and we laughed some more. By the time the check came I was so happy I had come out of my hermit hole at long last. Jacob handed Ange her card back at the same time he placed a piece of paper in front of me.

I couldn't look at him when he walked away. I couldn't look at the note. Ange had this shit eating grin on her face "What is that?"
I read the note quickly, folded it back up and placed it exactly where it had been. I shook my head. I couldn't speak. Tomato. Right that moment my face turned the color of a tomato. She kept begging like a school girl to see the note so I hustled her out of there, smiling awkwardly at Jacob when we passed by.

Once safely in the bathroom, I handed her the note. Turning red all over again...

Hey,
Love to take you to coffee sometime.
Let me know :-)
Real Name aka Jacob
###-###-####

She simply howled and did a happy dance.

"It's absurd! He's maybe 22 at the most. Just a baby!" I exclaimed.

"Yeah, but he's a hot baby and he wants to take you out! He probably has no idea you're that much older than he is. Men think hot girls have no age, just vaginas!" She continued laughing like hyena and bouncing around. I blushed more.

By the time we got back to the cars something new occurred to me. I got hit on by a baby! A hot baby didn't know how old I am asked me out! I was wearing a grey thermal, baggy jeans and my staple, UGGs. And he thought I was ask-out-able! My ego grew wings and soared. By the time I got home I was dancing around texting Chloe, Mel, my sis all so they would know I still got it!

That is when the dilemma started. Mel thought I should call him, go get coffee, because she was 8 years older than her man and they worked. Chloe is 5 years older than her boyfriend and nearly passed him up because he was so much younger but now they were in love. She tried to reason with me that coffee wouldn't hurt. Ange encouraged me to be a cougar. Even Serial Killer the next day at work said I should go for it. Get some young action, or some such drivel as regularly spills from his mouth.

I pishawed them all. I'm 30. That is a LOT older than Jacob, he's probably still in college and lives with roommates and laughs at fart jokes. At 22 I wasn't worried about getting married or kids. Hell I wasn't even sure yet if it was something I wanted. Once he realizes I'm an old lady he'll not be interested anyhow. But it was sweet of him to give me a note and make me feel all attractive again.

So I figured I would text him and say thanks but no thanks.

Me: Hi aka Jacob,
Thank you for the invite to coffee sometime, but I don't think we're in the same age range.
Thank you for the note though, it made my night :-)

It was slow at work and I was almost ready to go home. One work girl I had bragged to thought I was very nice to let the guy down, when all I had to do was not respond.

J: You don't seem that much older than me :-)
Even so, age isn't an issue to me

Me: How old are you?

J: I'm guessing you're 25 at the most
What's your name btw? You haven't told me

Me: My name is Kate. So, how old are you?

J: Well hi Kate:-) I'm 22, will be 23 in June. How old are you? You're very cute by the way.

Aww, that's just what a baby he still is. 22 going on 23 in June. Good lord, I could have babysat this kid!
I finally told him I was 30, and that is MUCH older than 25, and ancient compared to 22 going on 23.

J: 30 is not old at all. It doesn't bother me :-)
It should. What is wrong with him!

Me: I agree 30 isn't old, just quite a bit older than 22

J: I don't think it's much older ;-)
I should have ignored the note and just not gone back to that pub for a few months....

I learned he had graduated, was freelancing in audio engineering as well as working at the bar. It was crazy to think this young, good looking baby was interested in getting to know me. Did he not realize he works next to a college full of healthy, young, amazingly beautiful girls who have race car metabolisms, slim to none baggage and would be all over him just for looking like a movie star? Then I had a suspicion...

I texted Ange to see if she had suggested Jacob hit on me. She was aghast. First of all, she claimed, she would not do that. And second of all, he hit on me because I'm hot. (I love it when she lies like that.)

He kept asking me questions, and God help me but I was texting him with a big stupid grin on my face. This little baby's advances made me feel an emotion which had been very rare lately... was it happiness? Excitement? Or have I finally gone off the deep end straight into insanity?

I told the baby I was going out with a friend tonight. Jacob asked if I wanted to get together after dinner... I told him I would be out late and couldn't tomorrow. I caved, and agreed to meet him on Sunday.

However much I was enjoying this spinning feeling in my gut as we texted about work and food, and the subtle "When can I take you out?" I had to get ready for my date with Insurance Guy. A perfectly nice guy who is my age and still asks me out after not seeing me in three weeks.

Focusing on Insurance Guy was like sliding out of a thunder storm of texts to a warm bath. He is easy going and sweet to talk to. In fact I feel like I ramble at him all evening but he seems entertained. Said he likes my personality. He's good looking. Wearing a short sleeved shirt for the first time I got to see his nicely toned arms, a tattoo. Yes, he is attractive.

When I went to the bathroom, there was an odd text from Jacob asking if I was in a relationship. It made me want to scan the place to make sure he wasn't watching me. Crazy. Why would I agree to see him Sunday if I was in a relationship. I answered honestly, no relationship but I do date. Asked if he was single, dropped that damn evil device back in my purse and returned to dinner.

Insurance Guy was very sweet, walked me to my car and asked to see me again. No longer afraid if he kissed me, seeing as I got my mojo back. But we just stood there awkwardly, hugged and went away. In my car I wondered if he would ever try to kiss me...

Back home, I checked my phone.

J: I'm single. When was your last date if you don't mind me asking?
Yes, I mind. If you were older you wouldn't go there.

Me: Tonight actually. When was your last date?

J: Oh, I didn't realize you were going on one. It's been a while for me.

I went into the whole internet dating because I'm shy and it's hard to meet people blah, blah, blah, not even sure why I was explaining anything. I learned he had gotten out of his last relationship a year ago and hadn't dated much since. (So he says. If I were a 22 year old stud looking to get laid I would totally use the same lines.)

He asked when the date would be over. Ha! He thought I was texting him right in front of my date to which I primly replied that I had been home for a while and would not do such a thing. (The bathroom was different, but I didn't share that.)
Jacob actually asked how it went and I burst out laughing. Too be young and cocky again!

I ended the night by asking if he normally dates older women and was told he has always been naturally attracted to older women. God, if I was just 2 years older I would be a bona fide cougar. He was good. But I needed to go to bed and get my beauty rest.

J: Text me tomorrow. Love to hear from you :-) Goodnight.

Red Flags for The Baby aka Jacob:

1) He's a baby, obviously. I was drinking when he was still probably wetting the bed.
2) Said he was "naturally attracted to older women".
3) Too good looking.
4) Has already said "Love to.." twice.

The safer bet, Insurance Guy, texted me he had fun seeing me again and wished he had gone in for a kiss.