Drawing it out with The Principal

In January I was convinced The Principal was not into me.  In June I am further convinced.  Why I allow myself to focus on people's good qualities in hopes that they will outweigh their bad is a sign of my terminal stupidity.  My most recent experiences have left me completely jaded towards the male species.  As if anyone thought I could get MORE jaded...

I'll make this short as possible, because it mostly repeats my past relationship with this guy.

I continued to see The Principal.  We had dinner, talked occasionally.  All the while he was accepting the job in South Africa and planning his move.  He'd throw a line out there about wanting to take me with him.  How I could not work and focus on my writing.  When he started putting the moves on me my reaction was so alien I began to believe I was a different person.  We made love.  So very different from before, when we were just getting it on.  I stared into his eyes and thought "you're imperfect, but I love you for it".

But he didn't talk.  There was no platitudes about how he would miss me, just "The timing is never right."  I would ask about feelings and never get a straight answer.  I was busy trying to love someone who would never truly love me back.  His goals, his making up for lost time being a productive business man, would always take precedence over me.  Like all stupid bitches in love I wondered if it was just that or if I was the wrong girl for him.  What was I lacking? 

The Principal and I met for dinner in Chandler.  I sat patiently as he talked about all his travel arrangements to leave the country in a week.  All I could focus on was the fact that he hadn't hugged me, or kissed me, or touched me all night.  Next week he would be across the country and he didn't feel any urgency to be near to me.  Every bit of this is wrong.  I said so.  He told me he had to do this, leave to make a career for himself.  I tried to listen but there was soft buzzing in my ears, dread.

When we parted ways he said "I'm just not the right one for you, am I?" and despite my strong composure throughout our entire time knowing each other I launched myself into his arms and cried.  He could have been if he wanted me as badly as I wanted him.  He could have tried harder.  He could have tried at all.

And we continued to talk after he left.  I counted the hours difference and waited but it took a week before he contacted me.  Emailed he would call tomorrow and never did.  I was in a state of nervous turmoil checking my phone all day, all night, waking up to check at 3am.  After two days of this, exhausted and un-sleeping I gave up.  But that's always when he calls.  I began to depend on calling him late at night or mid morning.  Venting about my new job, just hearing his laugh.  He would back in AZ in a month and I would get to see him. 

As he made his journey across the ocean and the country I counted the hours, marking where he would be.  He'd said on the phone he wanted to see me when he got in, jet lag be damned.  I was more important.  My heart, stupidly, jumped.  When I rang the bell at his house I was considering just launching myself into his arms.  Even if he was tired we could wrap around each other, talk, hold on...  But I had to ring the bell again and waited.  My cheeks began to burn.  He forgot?  Passed out?  Missed his flight?  Eventually he answered the door only to stare at me in confusion and scratch his head.  He noticed a package and bent over taking 5 minutes to try to retrieve it mumbling about how sleepy he was.  I wanted to run.  My face was in shock position. 

Reluctantly, I entered his lair.  He plopped on the sofa where I was forced to sit and chat about my work while he continued to snooze.  I wanted to cry.  I left 15 minutes later so I could do just that.  He didn't call for two days, then we only spoke for five minutes about how he had to go to NM to check his house before his parents came into town, then got off the phone to eat his pizza saying he'd call me a little later.  The next day all I got was a text he was in NM.  Then silence.  For a week.  I woke up in the middle of the night and left him a voice message, anticipating he would just take off back to South Africa without telling me or seeing me again.  It two days before he called me back.

I was sitting at a restaurant with Julie when he called.  I answered "Ah, so you are alive." but had no desire to speak to him.  I learned he had another week in AZ before heading out again.  Do you think he asked to see me?  No.

The Principal is out of the country and I never want to hear from him again.

What ever happened to good-byes?