Posts
The following afternoon when I got myself out of bed, I had a text from the Principal. He knew I had plans that night but was making general chitchat again. This was becoming routine prior to him getting to some point. He asked if I had any plans the next night. Other than my Sunday office cleaning, I was generally free. This would be the second straight weekend he has asked to see me twice… That’s a good sign, right?
Then he followed up with “See I have Monday off so I can stay out past my bedtime” meaning he wanted to stay up late(in other words have sex). See, I can speak Principal. This was then followed up immediately with “And classes kick back in so I may be overwhelmed for a few weeks.”
I glared at my blackberry, this evil little device that allows men to text me rather than call properly to explain themselves like in the olden days. There were two ways to interpret these messages.
1)The Principal, who is getting his MBA, will be too busy to see me over the next 3-4 weeks and wants to get it on one last time before our dating becomes too much to fit in his schedule
2)The Principal is using the excuse of school to start fading me out so he doesn’t have to come out and say that he no longer wants to see me, but still wants to get in one last bang.
He was going to be busy for the next few weeks? Blow off? I spent a considerable amount of time reflecting, cussing and decided against drinking before 5pm.
For our date we went to the store and bought the fixings to make brownie sundaes. I discovered the Principal has a major sweet tooth. Anything dessert and he’s all over it. It’s kind of a cute trait.
When we have dates in my area of the Phoenix metropolis the Principal was relaxing into his “stay the night mode.” Each time he settles in for the night I wonder why it's so much easier for him. I turn into a hyperactive monkey at the thought of sleeping in his bed and waking up the next morning at his place, but this man doesn’t bat an eyelash! Aren’t men supposed to be the wary ones?
In a sugar coma induced by copious amounts of brownie covered in ice cream covered in chocolate covered in whipped cream covered in chocolate… The two of us sank into a blissful sleep snuggled up against one another. I had some very strange dreams, which I will attribute to the aforementioned sugar consumption, but otherwise endured a very peaceful night. Cuddling. Which was more strange than the dreams because we don't do that.
Unfortunately, my eyes popped wide open prior to 8a.m. and I wondered what I should do. Slide out of bed, yet again, and wait for him to leave? Stay there, stare at the ceiling wishing I could roll over and take up the whole bed without the imposition of another body in the way? The Principal woke up, probably a bit stunned I stayed in bed with him, and hugged me close. We made a little morning pillow talk, nipping kisses here and there. It felt good. I no longer wanted him to leave.
After some morning hanky panky, the Principal went into the kitchen and made us coffee. We sat out on the patio, feeling very couple like, and talking about what we both had to do that day. There was a sense of ease again, that I couldn’t help but smile. Have I found a good one? I mean he does all the things women want and doesn’t senselessly flatter me.
THINGS THE PRINCIPAL DOES RIGHT
1)Opens car doors when appropriate
2)Asks me out well in advance for dates (as if he expects that I might make plans without him)
3)Takes me on dates that I will probably be more interested than he will
4)Compliments me (ie, looks into my eyes after brushing away a strand of hair and tells me I am beautiful)
5)Pays attention when I tell boring stories and doesn’t tell me they are boring stories
6)Checks in with me from time to time during the week
7)Remembers things I have talked about
8)Kisses me often
When he was getting ready to leave that morning I couldn’t help but think that it would probably be weeks before I saw him again and many days before I heard from him, if at all. Besides, with his schedule getting even busier, wouldn’t this be the most ideal way to part company amicably (from a guy’s perspective) ?
The Principal gathered me in a big bear hug, lifting me right off the ground while kissing me passionately at the door. My heart soared. There was music. I was sure this was where we would begin to end.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Texting the Principal
He waited until after 5pm on Tuesday (after we had seen each other Sunday night) to text. We basically just chitchatted back and forth about mundane things over the rest of the evening, owl jokes, upcoming football games, blah blah blah. I sent the last text. Next night, about 8:30pm he texted to ask how my hair appointment went. After relieving him of the notion that I did not get scalped I discovered he had a really bad day.
I tried to be “pleasant” like Dr. Gray suggests and make him feel better by looking forward to the weekend when he could get a reprieve from his hectic workload. I thought that text over a few times, hoping he wouldn’t consider it fishing for a date, because that really was not my intention. Generally, there a few minutes in between our texts but he came right back with “Speaking of [the weekend], any plans Friday?” I slid the phone away from me, carefully, and thought this over. I hoped against all hope that he really did want to spend time with me, not feel obligated to make plans because I mentioned the upcoming lull in his busy schedule.
As I sat there pondering and biting my nails, my lovely mother called. We chatted for about a half hour and then I had a chance to return to my texts, another one from the Principal. “Hoping we could get together” he’d said after I’d failed to text him back. He said he would work on the plans tomorrow and was going to bed.
I continued to bite my nails. Why the hell does this dating crap have to be so damn hard? I get what I want, which is another date, but am left with the lingering doubts and confusion that is this new era of dating= the text interpretation. You can be straight forward or coy or flirty or mean or sarcastic…. The list is endless! But what if the person you are texting takes what you say a different way? Then there can be an unforeseen plethora of difficulties. When did human beings become so evolved that we no longer need to express ourselves verbally? Is this type of technological progress really progress at all?
The Principal never ceases to surprise me. Bright and early (for me) he texted the next morning asking if I wanted to see “100 Years of Broadway” as interpreted by his students. I asked whether or not they would be on key… Here we go again with analyzing whether he just needed a date to a function. I was having this conundrum quite frequently with the Principal.
He added that we could go to a dive bar afterward to ease the pain of the show, which was also another way of showing me that he listens because I mentioned how I prefer dives to fancy places last time we hung out. We texted all through the day, and I felt special. It takes so little to please me.
Friday night rolled around and I met him at his place. He answered the door, pulled me into a big hug and kisses and then continued getting ready. Usually when a person doesn’t mind getting ready around their date they are moving toward a relationship. They feel comfortable not being right at the top of their game, let you see a little vulnerability. Was that what this was becoming? A relationship? Am I jumping ahead of myself? Probably…
It certainly felt like a cozy scene. Us bantering in his kitchen while he waited for his sweater to dry. The Principal laughing at how we both chose to wear black, asking me to help him finish his beer… I stood there trying to enjoy and not get all stiff. Stiff won over. My back began to ache..
The show wasn’t that bad, only one massacre but that was made up by another student whose voice was so powerful it gave me goose bumps. We ended the evening with what I would most certainly not call a dive bar. It was a classy bar and grill that bordered neighborhood and upscale. The Principal sat the entire time angled toward me, laughing and occasionally grabbing my leg as he talked. It was another cozy happy scene. It was almost as if I was watching somebody else's experience. I wanted to go home so my back would stop hurting from the stress of possibly doing something wrong.
We went back to his place, where the safety of my car was awaiting me, but somehow we got to talking about Monty Python and the tension disappeared. Here is a man who can appreciate my stupid sense of humor! The Principal crawled around on the floor looking behind his entertainment center for the DVD. We sat on the couch laughing at the movie, saying the lines along with the insane characters, and the Principal even got up to do the little horse jig around the condo. We kidded one another. We kissed and play shoved… It was so disarming that began to readjust to him and feel like this was the way things were supposed to be…
Once again, after a little time in the bedroom and the Principal was falling asleep, I gathered up all my stuff and made to get out of there as fast as I could. This feeling of being caught in a room, no, a bed, after having been so intimate with a person but not quite able to be myself was becoming toxic. My head was spinning and my heart was racing. All I wanted to do was run home, put on my pajamas and get drunk while watching the complete 4th season of Bones, which is exactly what I did.
The Principal vaguely tried to get me to stay, again, but I ran. Here I was, traipsing off in the dark after a wonderful time with a very sweet and respectful man because...? There is no easily identifiable reason! I like him, want him to continue going out with me, have a progressing relationship (I think) with the Principal, yet after getting it on I want to go away.
WTF?
I tried to be “pleasant” like Dr. Gray suggests and make him feel better by looking forward to the weekend when he could get a reprieve from his hectic workload. I thought that text over a few times, hoping he wouldn’t consider it fishing for a date, because that really was not my intention. Generally, there a few minutes in between our texts but he came right back with “Speaking of [the weekend], any plans Friday?” I slid the phone away from me, carefully, and thought this over. I hoped against all hope that he really did want to spend time with me, not feel obligated to make plans because I mentioned the upcoming lull in his busy schedule.
As I sat there pondering and biting my nails, my lovely mother called. We chatted for about a half hour and then I had a chance to return to my texts, another one from the Principal. “Hoping we could get together” he’d said after I’d failed to text him back. He said he would work on the plans tomorrow and was going to bed.
I continued to bite my nails. Why the hell does this dating crap have to be so damn hard? I get what I want, which is another date, but am left with the lingering doubts and confusion that is this new era of dating= the text interpretation. You can be straight forward or coy or flirty or mean or sarcastic…. The list is endless! But what if the person you are texting takes what you say a different way? Then there can be an unforeseen plethora of difficulties. When did human beings become so evolved that we no longer need to express ourselves verbally? Is this type of technological progress really progress at all?
The Principal never ceases to surprise me. Bright and early (for me) he texted the next morning asking if I wanted to see “100 Years of Broadway” as interpreted by his students. I asked whether or not they would be on key… Here we go again with analyzing whether he just needed a date to a function. I was having this conundrum quite frequently with the Principal.
He added that we could go to a dive bar afterward to ease the pain of the show, which was also another way of showing me that he listens because I mentioned how I prefer dives to fancy places last time we hung out. We texted all through the day, and I felt special. It takes so little to please me.
Friday night rolled around and I met him at his place. He answered the door, pulled me into a big hug and kisses and then continued getting ready. Usually when a person doesn’t mind getting ready around their date they are moving toward a relationship. They feel comfortable not being right at the top of their game, let you see a little vulnerability. Was that what this was becoming? A relationship? Am I jumping ahead of myself? Probably…
It certainly felt like a cozy scene. Us bantering in his kitchen while he waited for his sweater to dry. The Principal laughing at how we both chose to wear black, asking me to help him finish his beer… I stood there trying to enjoy and not get all stiff. Stiff won over. My back began to ache..
The show wasn’t that bad, only one massacre but that was made up by another student whose voice was so powerful it gave me goose bumps. We ended the evening with what I would most certainly not call a dive bar. It was a classy bar and grill that bordered neighborhood and upscale. The Principal sat the entire time angled toward me, laughing and occasionally grabbing my leg as he talked. It was another cozy happy scene. It was almost as if I was watching somebody else's experience. I wanted to go home so my back would stop hurting from the stress of possibly doing something wrong.
We went back to his place, where the safety of my car was awaiting me, but somehow we got to talking about Monty Python and the tension disappeared. Here is a man who can appreciate my stupid sense of humor! The Principal crawled around on the floor looking behind his entertainment center for the DVD. We sat on the couch laughing at the movie, saying the lines along with the insane characters, and the Principal even got up to do the little horse jig around the condo. We kidded one another. We kissed and play shoved… It was so disarming that began to readjust to him and feel like this was the way things were supposed to be…
Once again, after a little time in the bedroom and the Principal was falling asleep, I gathered up all my stuff and made to get out of there as fast as I could. This feeling of being caught in a room, no, a bed, after having been so intimate with a person but not quite able to be myself was becoming toxic. My head was spinning and my heart was racing. All I wanted to do was run home, put on my pajamas and get drunk while watching the complete 4th season of Bones, which is exactly what I did.
The Principal vaguely tried to get me to stay, again, but I ran. Here I was, traipsing off in the dark after a wonderful time with a very sweet and respectful man because...? There is no easily identifiable reason! I like him, want him to continue going out with me, have a progressing relationship (I think) with the Principal, yet after getting it on I want to go away.
WTF?
Principal Progress. I think…
I figured it would be a couple of days before I heard from him again, as usual. That same evening however, he texted and asked if I might like to come up to his place to sit by the fire. Hmmm.. It caught me off guard a bit. I tried to shy away from the invitation by explaining that I was still in CG after cleaning and he probably had to get to bed fairly early for work the next day. He was all too eager to make it as easy on me as possible to accept. He said that he didn’t go to bed until 11 so there was plenty of time, and I didn’t have to worry about changing clothes before coming over.
I was appalled! This man has no idea how grubby I can look. He even offered me to shower at his place if I wanted. “Trying to make it easier for you” he said. Well, I went home and took a full, proper shower before heading up to his place. Naturally, I figured he wanted to have sex again to see if it was any better…
I think it was the best date we had so far. The Principal had the fire pit going and we cuddled in front of it while looking at the constellations using an astronomy app on his phone. I leaned back against him while he told corny jokes about the owl in a tree hooting at us. We couldn’t stop giggling!
I kept waiting for the sexual advance but we instead moved to the couch to watch TV and continue cuddling. We would kiss now and again, but it was short lived in lieu of just laying together amicably. Around 11 on the dot I started offering to leave so he could get to bed. He insisted that he wasn’t ready to sleep even as he kept yawning.
Eventually we went up to his bed to cuddle more. I again initiated the sex. What’s wrong with me? Again with the gentle caressing without testing to see how much farther he could go. It was so sweet, and much better than the night before. But I kept thinking to myself “Why doesn’t he want to ravage me?”
We lay together, him falling asleep, my mind racing. I tried to leave, but he said “it’s late though, you know you want to stay.” The Principal was indicating that I should sleep over without coming right out and saying “You should sleep here” or “I want you in my bed all night”.
The man has to work in the morning! I can think of nothing more awkward than being awakened at the butt crack of dawn so I can be escorted out of the house when he needs to get to work. Plus, I have a dog at home that would be left all alone. So I used the second excuse to get the hell out of there and nearly ran to the door before he had an opportunity to say more. I drove home, once again shaking my head at myself. What have I gotten myself into?
I didn’t hear from the Principal the next day, nor had I expected to. I will admit that it chafed a bit. Dr. Gray said women expect more after being intimate, and I had to agree. How hard is it to text something like “Been thinking about you ;-)” or “Had a great time the other night”?
I kept telling myself that the Principal is busy at work and I had kept him up extremely late two days in a row so he doesn’t need to text me, but I also felt a little sick that having had sex he would no longer feel the need to pursue me. And now I like him.
Awful, yucky, messy feelings.
I was appalled! This man has no idea how grubby I can look. He even offered me to shower at his place if I wanted. “Trying to make it easier for you” he said. Well, I went home and took a full, proper shower before heading up to his place. Naturally, I figured he wanted to have sex again to see if it was any better…
I think it was the best date we had so far. The Principal had the fire pit going and we cuddled in front of it while looking at the constellations using an astronomy app on his phone. I leaned back against him while he told corny jokes about the owl in a tree hooting at us. We couldn’t stop giggling!
I kept waiting for the sexual advance but we instead moved to the couch to watch TV and continue cuddling. We would kiss now and again, but it was short lived in lieu of just laying together amicably. Around 11 on the dot I started offering to leave so he could get to bed. He insisted that he wasn’t ready to sleep even as he kept yawning.
Eventually we went up to his bed to cuddle more. I again initiated the sex. What’s wrong with me? Again with the gentle caressing without testing to see how much farther he could go. It was so sweet, and much better than the night before. But I kept thinking to myself “Why doesn’t he want to ravage me?”
We lay together, him falling asleep, my mind racing. I tried to leave, but he said “it’s late though, you know you want to stay.” The Principal was indicating that I should sleep over without coming right out and saying “You should sleep here” or “I want you in my bed all night”.
The man has to work in the morning! I can think of nothing more awkward than being awakened at the butt crack of dawn so I can be escorted out of the house when he needs to get to work. Plus, I have a dog at home that would be left all alone. So I used the second excuse to get the hell out of there and nearly ran to the door before he had an opportunity to say more. I drove home, once again shaking my head at myself. What have I gotten myself into?
I didn’t hear from the Principal the next day, nor had I expected to. I will admit that it chafed a bit. Dr. Gray said women expect more after being intimate, and I had to agree. How hard is it to text something like “Been thinking about you ;-)” or “Had a great time the other night”?
I kept telling myself that the Principal is busy at work and I had kept him up extremely late two days in a row so he doesn’t need to text me, but I also felt a little sick that having had sex he would no longer feel the need to pursue me. And now I like him.
Awful, yucky, messy feelings.
Moving in the Right Direction with the Principal?
Middle of the week, the Principal asks me out again to go see the movie Nine. I was excited and flattered that he was making such an effort to do things that I was interested in. Guys prefer war movies to musicals, so offering to take me to one is a sign that he likes me. I think…
Then, in a text he asks if I would like to go to Tahoe with him to a friend’s wedding. WOW. Really? I was so excited and flattered and a little nervous. Was he asking me because he thought this would be a good romantic getaway where I would be feeling amorous so he could get some? After our conversation on the last date, I was tempted to think this was a very elaborate way to get me to stage 4.
Saturday night I baked chicken, sweet potatoes and a little broccoli for dinner. We had a couple beers and talked before going to see the movie. When the subject turned to Tahoe, I just let him know that I would feel bad letting him dish out so much dough on a trip, especially as I'm unemployed right now and wouldn’t feel good about spending that kind of money myself. He understood, wished I would let him pay but respected my decision. I came to the conclusion that I really enjoy spending time with the Principal.
We had a great time going to the movie, even though it was awful, and he started dancing with me before we had a chance to get into the house afterward. We sat and talked and had a few beers before going to bed. He likes to sleep over, which is something that I find a bit odd. Aren't men supposed to crave their own space? He's alluded to me staying at his place but I haven’t found a comfort zone in that yet.
We stayed up very late making out. I felt very close to him. I told him I was ready. “Are you sure?” Yes, I thought I was. The main reason I felt ready was the fact that the Principal is so damn gentle. He brushes the hair away from my face when he talks to me, kisses me passionately while his hands stroke the side of my neck tenderly. He kisses my clavicle like it might break. The effect was tantalizing, like being treasured… It’s enough to make a girl melt. Like all first times it was disconnected, but he continued to be so gentle. I figured this is the beginning or the end, better to find out now.
The next morning I jumped out of bed to put as much space between us as possible. No way was I going to become one of those girls that wrapped herself around a guy just because they got naked together. The Principal got up soon after, got ready and headed home. He said he had an assignment to do for school. The last time he slept over I had jumped out of bed and ran away too, so I think he might have been a little miffed with me… but guys don’t really like to cuddle in the morning, do they?
I was just glad he left so there didn’t have to be any post coitus talk. I shook my head at myself numerous times that morning, wondering why I had decided to take the plunge and whether it was a detrimental decision. About an hour after he left he texted me that he felt bad about leaving, that he hadn’t wanted to. That eased my mind fractionally. I replied, easy going, that there was nothing to feel bad about and that I understood he has a lot of work to do.
At least he hadn’t had time to noticed my nervous attitude toward him...
Then, in a text he asks if I would like to go to Tahoe with him to a friend’s wedding. WOW. Really? I was so excited and flattered and a little nervous. Was he asking me because he thought this would be a good romantic getaway where I would be feeling amorous so he could get some? After our conversation on the last date, I was tempted to think this was a very elaborate way to get me to stage 4.
Saturday night I baked chicken, sweet potatoes and a little broccoli for dinner. We had a couple beers and talked before going to see the movie. When the subject turned to Tahoe, I just let him know that I would feel bad letting him dish out so much dough on a trip, especially as I'm unemployed right now and wouldn’t feel good about spending that kind of money myself. He understood, wished I would let him pay but respected my decision. I came to the conclusion that I really enjoy spending time with the Principal.
We had a great time going to the movie, even though it was awful, and he started dancing with me before we had a chance to get into the house afterward. We sat and talked and had a few beers before going to bed. He likes to sleep over, which is something that I find a bit odd. Aren't men supposed to crave their own space? He's alluded to me staying at his place but I haven’t found a comfort zone in that yet.
We stayed up very late making out. I felt very close to him. I told him I was ready. “Are you sure?” Yes, I thought I was. The main reason I felt ready was the fact that the Principal is so damn gentle. He brushes the hair away from my face when he talks to me, kisses me passionately while his hands stroke the side of my neck tenderly. He kisses my clavicle like it might break. The effect was tantalizing, like being treasured… It’s enough to make a girl melt. Like all first times it was disconnected, but he continued to be so gentle. I figured this is the beginning or the end, better to find out now.
The next morning I jumped out of bed to put as much space between us as possible. No way was I going to become one of those girls that wrapped herself around a guy just because they got naked together. The Principal got up soon after, got ready and headed home. He said he had an assignment to do for school. The last time he slept over I had jumped out of bed and ran away too, so I think he might have been a little miffed with me… but guys don’t really like to cuddle in the morning, do they?
I was just glad he left so there didn’t have to be any post coitus talk. I shook my head at myself numerous times that morning, wondering why I had decided to take the plunge and whether it was a detrimental decision. About an hour after he left he texted me that he felt bad about leaving, that he hadn’t wanted to. That eased my mind fractionally. I replied, easy going, that there was nothing to feel bad about and that I understood he has a lot of work to do.
At least he hadn’t had time to noticed my nervous attitude toward him...
Moving Along with the Principal
My relationship with the Principal has accelerated. He makes sure to ask me if I have plans by the middle of the week and we see each other regularly. After the 4th date, he would send me a few texts every other day. I like that he sends me a message from time to time, but also like how it is not our main source of communication. We do a ton of talking when we hang out so it’s nice that he reserves his info for those times.
On the 6th date, there was a marked change in his behavior. The Principal went gradually from being kind of stiff into touchy feely mode (in a good way). He would hug me, wrap his arms around me or hold my hand. Baffling, I know.
I have never been good with this change in relationships. I am most definitely not a “hand-holder”. Your palms get sweaty and you feel awkward trying to extricate yourself from the other person. Then you have to distract them while you wipe your hand off on your pants. Just plain weird.
However, on this date he made it a rather comfortable transition. We petted sting rays, he laughed at my shrieking in delight when one (that I named Fluffy) kept coming back to me to be petted. Most of all, I noticed how comfortable he was to talk to.
I made the fatal error of mentioning the Mars and Venus on a Date book, though, but he thought it was funny and interesting. The Principal can be a joker, who knew? He decided my reading choice and research into this whole online dating was something he could kid with me about in a good natured way. He likes to think of himself as my muse...
I was having a great time. We picked up some ice cream and went back to his place to make a fire. Sitting out on the patio, watching the crackling flames, very romantic, right? Yes and no.
The Principal, while getting in close for some nice kissing action asked if we were still in the “kissing chapter.” Great. We had been out 6 times and only the last 2 of those have we really started connecting. What I mean is, I have had a fantastic time with the Principal when we’ve gone out, but only after I picked him up from the airport and this current date have I felt very comfortable with him and like he is someone I would enjoy being in a relationship with. He has always been very respectful of my boundaries, but this testing of the waters made me think… What is he after?
I told him that we were indeed still in the kissing chapter, which he was fine with. A little later we were cuddling and cold, he suggested we go lay in bed (just for warmth and some tonsil hockey.) I was fine with that. After a decent amount of making out, he asked what “the book” said about the whole waiting for sex thing…
Why, oh why can’t I keep my mouth shut? Well, since it was out I thought I would share, and he really wanted to know. Dr. Gray had said it was good to share the knowledge from his book…
I explained the 4 stages of dating: Attraction, Uncertainty, Exclusivity, and Intimacy. Those lead to the 5th stage= Engagement. Which ideally leads to marriage. (Can you feel my face getting redder?)
Dr. Gray believes that successful dating experiences are achieved when people follow the 4 stages in order so they can attain a meaningful connection. As one travels through these stages they are getting to know the other person and find out if they are chemistry on 4 levels: Physical, Emotional, Mental, and Spiritual.
Men initiate dating with a woman because they feel a physical chemistry. They see a woman that is beautiful or graceful and want the chance to be around her. Women, however, date men more based on a mental chemistry. Naturally, we girls find some physical attraction in our dates but that can actually be altered by how we connect with them mentally. I have always said I don’t have a type, all my ex-boyfriends look different, but it was their personalities that made them so hot in my eyes. I have been able to meet men that look like models with the personality of douche bags and find them completely unattractive. Women think a man who is interesting would be fun to be around.
Dr. Gray says that women can confuse when a man is emotionally interested in her if they jump from Attraction to Intimacy, when the man is actually still in stage 1. Then, the woman starts to expect the things that go along with an emotional connection, such as more frequent calls and talking about feelings which turns the man off as he goes into Uncertainty.
Giving the Principal this bullet point explanation he asked a few questions. He asked what stage I was in. I said Uncertainty. I don’t know him well enough to decide whether our relationship is going anywhere. I like him, we have fun, but the getting-to-know-you part is still in high gear.
He asked what Exclusivity meant. I explained how Exclusivity is when you decide that you are not going to see anybody else. At that point, I was very glad it was dark in the room so he couldn’t see me turn red. How strange is it to have a conversation about waiting to have sex and bringing up the boyfriend/girlfriend issue? I was squirming a bit at this point. He waved a hand and said “Oh, I’m there. I don’t really care to see anyone else. I mean if you do, that’s ok if you’re not ready.” He said it all very casually and a little jokey.
It's not really ok for one person to be in an exclusive relationship while the other person still dates around, is it? I teased him that he was just hurrying through the stages to get to Intimacy. That lightened the atmosphere. I told him that when women develop that emotional bond before men they have a tendency to push the man away. Wanting to take this slow wasn’t a bad thing, just showed how interested I am in him.
I drove home that night feeling like a complete dork. Really? Did I have to open my mouth and tell him all that? Could I not have just said “I want to take things slow and get to know you better?” No, apparently I have a disease that does not allow me to keep my trap shut. I share way too much about what I’m thinking or feeling. I should be studied by Dr. Gray so he can write a book about “Why women cannot control their mouths.” I would buy that book. And tell people about it. Probably while on a date.
Grrr...
On the 6th date, there was a marked change in his behavior. The Principal went gradually from being kind of stiff into touchy feely mode (in a good way). He would hug me, wrap his arms around me or hold my hand. Baffling, I know.
I have never been good with this change in relationships. I am most definitely not a “hand-holder”. Your palms get sweaty and you feel awkward trying to extricate yourself from the other person. Then you have to distract them while you wipe your hand off on your pants. Just plain weird.
However, on this date he made it a rather comfortable transition. We petted sting rays, he laughed at my shrieking in delight when one (that I named Fluffy) kept coming back to me to be petted. Most of all, I noticed how comfortable he was to talk to.
I made the fatal error of mentioning the Mars and Venus on a Date book, though, but he thought it was funny and interesting. The Principal can be a joker, who knew? He decided my reading choice and research into this whole online dating was something he could kid with me about in a good natured way. He likes to think of himself as my muse...
I was having a great time. We picked up some ice cream and went back to his place to make a fire. Sitting out on the patio, watching the crackling flames, very romantic, right? Yes and no.
The Principal, while getting in close for some nice kissing action asked if we were still in the “kissing chapter.” Great. We had been out 6 times and only the last 2 of those have we really started connecting. What I mean is, I have had a fantastic time with the Principal when we’ve gone out, but only after I picked him up from the airport and this current date have I felt very comfortable with him and like he is someone I would enjoy being in a relationship with. He has always been very respectful of my boundaries, but this testing of the waters made me think… What is he after?
I told him that we were indeed still in the kissing chapter, which he was fine with. A little later we were cuddling and cold, he suggested we go lay in bed (just for warmth and some tonsil hockey.) I was fine with that. After a decent amount of making out, he asked what “the book” said about the whole waiting for sex thing…
Why, oh why can’t I keep my mouth shut? Well, since it was out I thought I would share, and he really wanted to know. Dr. Gray had said it was good to share the knowledge from his book…
I explained the 4 stages of dating: Attraction, Uncertainty, Exclusivity, and Intimacy. Those lead to the 5th stage= Engagement. Which ideally leads to marriage. (Can you feel my face getting redder?)
Dr. Gray believes that successful dating experiences are achieved when people follow the 4 stages in order so they can attain a meaningful connection. As one travels through these stages they are getting to know the other person and find out if they are chemistry on 4 levels: Physical, Emotional, Mental, and Spiritual.
Men initiate dating with a woman because they feel a physical chemistry. They see a woman that is beautiful or graceful and want the chance to be around her. Women, however, date men more based on a mental chemistry. Naturally, we girls find some physical attraction in our dates but that can actually be altered by how we connect with them mentally. I have always said I don’t have a type, all my ex-boyfriends look different, but it was their personalities that made them so hot in my eyes. I have been able to meet men that look like models with the personality of douche bags and find them completely unattractive. Women think a man who is interesting would be fun to be around.
Dr. Gray says that women can confuse when a man is emotionally interested in her if they jump from Attraction to Intimacy, when the man is actually still in stage 1. Then, the woman starts to expect the things that go along with an emotional connection, such as more frequent calls and talking about feelings which turns the man off as he goes into Uncertainty.
Giving the Principal this bullet point explanation he asked a few questions. He asked what stage I was in. I said Uncertainty. I don’t know him well enough to decide whether our relationship is going anywhere. I like him, we have fun, but the getting-to-know-you part is still in high gear.
He asked what Exclusivity meant. I explained how Exclusivity is when you decide that you are not going to see anybody else. At that point, I was very glad it was dark in the room so he couldn’t see me turn red. How strange is it to have a conversation about waiting to have sex and bringing up the boyfriend/girlfriend issue? I was squirming a bit at this point. He waved a hand and said “Oh, I’m there. I don’t really care to see anyone else. I mean if you do, that’s ok if you’re not ready.” He said it all very casually and a little jokey.
It's not really ok for one person to be in an exclusive relationship while the other person still dates around, is it? I teased him that he was just hurrying through the stages to get to Intimacy. That lightened the atmosphere. I told him that when women develop that emotional bond before men they have a tendency to push the man away. Wanting to take this slow wasn’t a bad thing, just showed how interested I am in him.
I drove home that night feeling like a complete dork. Really? Did I have to open my mouth and tell him all that? Could I not have just said “I want to take things slow and get to know you better?” No, apparently I have a disease that does not allow me to keep my trap shut. I share way too much about what I’m thinking or feeling. I should be studied by Dr. Gray so he can write a book about “Why women cannot control their mouths.” I would buy that book. And tell people about it. Probably while on a date.
Grrr...
Tall Guy Vent Again
Following the call from Tall Guy in which he explained himself with a lot of important nonsense… he did call me again. Twice from work, for a maximum of five minutes. There were also a few texts that included mostly mundane things of a nature that could have been sent by my mother, if only she knew how to text. I began to roll my eyes after waiting hours for a reply.
By the time the weekend came and his texting slowed to a dribble and no more calls came… I figured he was not going to ask me out on one of his days off. Yay me! I should get a college degree for coming to that realization all on my own, or at the very minimum a ride on a short bus. He didn’t mention ever seeing me again. In fact the only thing I heard from Tall Guy was that he painting the baby’s room. A task that apparently takes more time than painting my entire house did.
And again, I deleted him from my phone. Actually, I had saved his phone number under “Tall Guy” once again. (As men I'm dating get more serious I change them to their real name) Then I changed it to “Asshole TallGuy” late afternoon. By 9p.m. I deleted him. Haven’t heard anything since I piteously texted “hope you have a good night”.
2 days later and with no response I have come to three probable conclusions:
1)He had a REALLY good night and is still recovering
2)He had a really bad night and lost his ability to Voice Dial
3)He was abducted by aliens who wanted to “probe” him and he is currently bleeding anally on Jupiter (which he has always wanted to visit).
“Practically in love” translates to “I’d really like to have sex with you again if I get time away from the roommate I impregnated or I get bored enough to pretend I care about you some more (but that ended up being a lot of work..)” I should probably understand what he’s going through, but I have some self-respect, so I don’t.
THIS is why single women put up so very many walls when they start dating a new guy. You meet the ones that are honest, forthright and good so you automatically remember the last guy that you trusted with that act and you push this one away.
I thought Tall Guy was full of shit on many occasions and even told him so. He claimed he wanted to prove to me that he is the good guy… said all the things girls hope to hear… then there is the part of me, that thought “Take a chance, or you’ll never really meet a guy who will treat you the way you want.” So, Tall Guy, why did you go through all that trouble?
I'm trying not to be cynical. I am trying to believe that there are still some guys out there that can be romantic and honest and have good intentions (for the most part.) But GUYS! You have to realize that if women are recurrently pumped full of macabre experiences just so a guy can get laid, or waste time, or due to the fact that he can’t figure out what it is he wants out of women… We will never trust ANY of you.
Ok, so I’ve grown a wee bit pessimistic ;-)
By the time the weekend came and his texting slowed to a dribble and no more calls came… I figured he was not going to ask me out on one of his days off. Yay me! I should get a college degree for coming to that realization all on my own, or at the very minimum a ride on a short bus. He didn’t mention ever seeing me again. In fact the only thing I heard from Tall Guy was that he painting the baby’s room. A task that apparently takes more time than painting my entire house did.
And again, I deleted him from my phone. Actually, I had saved his phone number under “Tall Guy” once again. (As men I'm dating get more serious I change them to their real name) Then I changed it to “Asshole TallGuy” late afternoon. By 9p.m. I deleted him. Haven’t heard anything since I piteously texted “hope you have a good night”.
2 days later and with no response I have come to three probable conclusions:
1)He had a REALLY good night and is still recovering
2)He had a really bad night and lost his ability to Voice Dial
3)He was abducted by aliens who wanted to “probe” him and he is currently bleeding anally on Jupiter (which he has always wanted to visit).
“Practically in love” translates to “I’d really like to have sex with you again if I get time away from the roommate I impregnated or I get bored enough to pretend I care about you some more (but that ended up being a lot of work..)” I should probably understand what he’s going through, but I have some self-respect, so I don’t.
THIS is why single women put up so very many walls when they start dating a new guy. You meet the ones that are honest, forthright and good so you automatically remember the last guy that you trusted with that act and you push this one away.
I thought Tall Guy was full of shit on many occasions and even told him so. He claimed he wanted to prove to me that he is the good guy… said all the things girls hope to hear… then there is the part of me, that thought “Take a chance, or you’ll never really meet a guy who will treat you the way you want.” So, Tall Guy, why did you go through all that trouble?
I'm trying not to be cynical. I am trying to believe that there are still some guys out there that can be romantic and honest and have good intentions (for the most part.) But GUYS! You have to realize that if women are recurrently pumped full of macabre experiences just so a guy can get laid, or waste time, or due to the fact that he can’t figure out what it is he wants out of women… We will never trust ANY of you.
Ok, so I’ve grown a wee bit pessimistic ;-)
Call from the Tall Guy
After a week of NO communication from the Tall Guy, he texted me. Now, I had tried to be a smart little cookie by deleting him from my phone, email and Facebook hoping that I could just put this all behind me. But there was that damn phone, bleeping at me. "Can we talk..."
I knew it was him. Too many threes in the number. I sat on my patio, biting my lip, trying to figure out what I should do. Ultimately, I wanted to know what happened and where everything went so wrong. "Sure.."
Tall Guy called and apologized over and over for freaking out. Getting scared. I hate when men use that excuse. Here they try to pretend they are these big, tough guys one moment and then when they really need to get out of a jam they say they were scared. Bullshit, if you ask me.
Maintaining a very calm voice I told him that in order to be in any relationship, Tall Guy must learn to communicate. You don't get to go off the grid just because you get freaked out. I dished out all my understanding and advice in a general way, pertaining to how he should seek a healthy relationship in the future. I didn't want him thinking I was rolling over for him just because he remembered how to use my phone number...
Then the Tall Guy went for my jugular. He told me that he was "practically in love" with me. Against my will, my heart leapt. Unfortunately, "practically" was a major red flag.
I knew it was him. Too many threes in the number. I sat on my patio, biting my lip, trying to figure out what I should do. Ultimately, I wanted to know what happened and where everything went so wrong. "Sure.."
Tall Guy called and apologized over and over for freaking out. Getting scared. I hate when men use that excuse. Here they try to pretend they are these big, tough guys one moment and then when they really need to get out of a jam they say they were scared. Bullshit, if you ask me.
Maintaining a very calm voice I told him that in order to be in any relationship, Tall Guy must learn to communicate. You don't get to go off the grid just because you get freaked out. I dished out all my understanding and advice in a general way, pertaining to how he should seek a healthy relationship in the future. I didn't want him thinking I was rolling over for him just because he remembered how to use my phone number...
Then the Tall Guy went for my jugular. He told me that he was "practically in love" with me. Against my will, my heart leapt. Unfortunately, "practically" was a major red flag.
Tall Guy Vent
Ok, so let me get this straight, Tall Guy…. The burden is on me here? Well then you sure as hell should get off your ass, be a man and figure it the fuck out. If you have so many issues that place a burden on the one you date, then you should be the one working overtime to compensate for it, not me.
Tall Guy wants an “understanding” girl. I am an understanding girl, but I am not a walk-all-over-me girl. There is a big difference between having empathy for another person’s situation and just having to put up with their shit. And Tall Guy was obviously testing the waters for how much shit I would take. Well, apparently only seven days of it, because that was how long it took to go from “in love” to utter, complete, heart-wrenching silence. No explanation. No post-it that says pathetically “Sorry. I can’t. Don’t hate me.”
NOTHING. Why? I don’t know. My only guess is that I asked too many questions when Tall Guy wanted to give too few answers.
I am ashamed to admit that I have fantasized about running into him. Mostly at the grocery store, he’s coming from one end of an aisle, me from the other. There is an awkward moment of realization for both of us that we would really like to turn around and walk away but continue forward at a painstaking slow gait. At about 5 feet he asks “How are you?” Even in my fantasy I'm realistic enough to know that I will probably search for something sarcastic or perfect to say in return but will only be able to come up with “Fine, how are you?” He’ll give me some bull-shit about how work has been great and he’s been keeping really busy watering plants that improve the air quality in his apartment.
At some point in this ultra lame fantasy he apologizes for never explaining why he suddenly stopped dating me. He makes no excuses, explains nothing. My heart breaks again. I smile, tilt my head to the side and say “Nice seeing ya again, Tall Guy.” And walk away. My own silence shouting, “Please go fuck yourself, you tall hairy bastard.”
That is the most common fantasy. There are many horrible alternatives where I discover I am extremely quick and snarky and can rip him to shreds. On one or two occasions he confessed he was gay and had been living between the legs of a man named Ferdinand for the past several months. Or that his impregnated “roommate” confessed that she wasn’t really pregnant, just decided she wanted to be more curvaceous.. Or even that the baby isn’t his, but the spawn of an alien encounter she experienced (post-coitus with Tall Guy).
Unfortunately, I end up just feeling guilty.
Tall Guy wants an “understanding” girl. I am an understanding girl, but I am not a walk-all-over-me girl. There is a big difference between having empathy for another person’s situation and just having to put up with their shit. And Tall Guy was obviously testing the waters for how much shit I would take. Well, apparently only seven days of it, because that was how long it took to go from “in love” to utter, complete, heart-wrenching silence. No explanation. No post-it that says pathetically “Sorry. I can’t. Don’t hate me.”
NOTHING. Why? I don’t know. My only guess is that I asked too many questions when Tall Guy wanted to give too few answers.
I am ashamed to admit that I have fantasized about running into him. Mostly at the grocery store, he’s coming from one end of an aisle, me from the other. There is an awkward moment of realization for both of us that we would really like to turn around and walk away but continue forward at a painstaking slow gait. At about 5 feet he asks “How are you?” Even in my fantasy I'm realistic enough to know that I will probably search for something sarcastic or perfect to say in return but will only be able to come up with “Fine, how are you?” He’ll give me some bull-shit about how work has been great and he’s been keeping really busy watering plants that improve the air quality in his apartment.
At some point in this ultra lame fantasy he apologizes for never explaining why he suddenly stopped dating me. He makes no excuses, explains nothing. My heart breaks again. I smile, tilt my head to the side and say “Nice seeing ya again, Tall Guy.” And walk away. My own silence shouting, “Please go fuck yourself, you tall hairy bastard.”
That is the most common fantasy. There are many horrible alternatives where I discover I am extremely quick and snarky and can rip him to shreds. On one or two occasions he confessed he was gay and had been living between the legs of a man named Ferdinand for the past several months. Or that his impregnated “roommate” confessed that she wasn’t really pregnant, just decided she wanted to be more curvaceous.. Or even that the baby isn’t his, but the spawn of an alien encounter she experienced (post-coitus with Tall Guy).
Unfortunately, I end up just feeling guilty.
Falling Out with Tall Guy
Things had been going AMAZING with the Tall Guy. He texted me by 4:30pm everyday when he woke up to go to work, texted me through work and even called me on his breaks. The texting stopped when I went to sleep and there was always one for me to wake up to. Tall Guy went to bed at the time I got up so a few sweet/sexy texts were exchanged while I was getting ready for work. Then, I would think about him all day. When he woke up he would let me know what he dreamt about me.
We saw each other every weekend and when we got together my breath was always taken away. It was all too much, too emotional. I felt like I was freaking 14 years old with my first crush ever. This was a powerful connection.
The Tall Guy sent me songs indicating that he loved me, wrote me long emails after we had spent hours together. I had never had a man spend so much time on me, show me so much affection...
I should have known it wouldn't last. After keeping this up for almost 3 months with Tall Guy things halted. He didn't ask me out the way he usually did so I asked if I could see him. With the explanation that he had chores to do, was hurrying through them to see me, I sat around... waiting. Nothing. For hours about when we get together. Around 10:30 pm I got ready for bed and called him. No answer. I slept terribly that night and woke up to no new messages or texts or emails. Something was very wrong.
All day at work I felt like I was sinking. How I had managed to become so emotionally entangled with a man that I had NO business dating was beyond me. Tall Guy had made me feel so spectacular that I temporarily ignored the fact that he was living with the girl he impregnated, who he claimed he had no relationship with. And stupid little me was on cloud nine ready to believe whatever he said.
I texted him asking what was wrong. It wasn't until later that night I got any answer. Mostly, Tall Guy was saying "Hey, you knew things were complicated..." I wanted to spit. Actually, I wanted to dismember him starting with his favorite appendage.
What I got was this email:
Ummm... Gee, I wasn't concerned about you working too much, Tall Guy! I was upset by the sudden change in your communication. You know, the part where it ceased? That wasn't normal and I called you out on it. Don't try to make me feel guilty for wondering what the hell changed.
We saw each other every weekend and when we got together my breath was always taken away. It was all too much, too emotional. I felt like I was freaking 14 years old with my first crush ever. This was a powerful connection.
The Tall Guy sent me songs indicating that he loved me, wrote me long emails after we had spent hours together. I had never had a man spend so much time on me, show me so much affection...
I should have known it wouldn't last. After keeping this up for almost 3 months with Tall Guy things halted. He didn't ask me out the way he usually did so I asked if I could see him. With the explanation that he had chores to do, was hurrying through them to see me, I sat around... waiting. Nothing. For hours about when we get together. Around 10:30 pm I got ready for bed and called him. No answer. I slept terribly that night and woke up to no new messages or texts or emails. Something was very wrong.
All day at work I felt like I was sinking. How I had managed to become so emotionally entangled with a man that I had NO business dating was beyond me. Tall Guy had made me feel so spectacular that I temporarily ignored the fact that he was living with the girl he impregnated, who he claimed he had no relationship with. And stupid little me was on cloud nine ready to believe whatever he said.
I texted him asking what was wrong. It wasn't until later that night I got any answer. Mostly, Tall Guy was saying "Hey, you knew things were complicated..." I wanted to spit. Actually, I wanted to dismember him starting with his favorite appendage.
What I got was this email:
"The other night was kind of difficult for me. It was something that always happens when I date and something that I hate so very much. I did try to warn you as much as possible beforehand that it would happen, but when it does happen it sucks worse than a warning, I know.
What I'm saying is that this is going to happen from time to time where we have staffing emergencies and I have to work 7 days straight (it has happened more than a few times) and there are times where I am going to have to spend time with roommate in preparation for the baby. None of these things reflect on you or how I feel about you. These are just the limitations of my schedule and the demands on my time.
I expected you to express frustration about this, but not so soon. And it felt kind of like you might think there was another woman involved. Maybe I'm wrong. But there was: roommate's grandmother. She's a little too old for me, and all I wanted to do was get the hell out of there and see you. That was an impossibility, though, you have to understand. To say "Gee, grams, I'd love to sit here and address your concerns about how I am going to raise my child, your great grandchild, but I have a date," right in front of roommate. That might have sent the casual little truce I have at home into a horrible tailspin.
So all the warnings are past and now the reality of the situation is here. Is this something you can live with? There are going to be times where I am not able to see you. Especially when the baby gets here. I will always try my hardest to be as there for you as I can, but if you will be too unhappy with this and can't do it I will understand and not be mad. I know the burden is on you here."
Ummm... Gee, I wasn't concerned about you working too much, Tall Guy! I was upset by the sudden change in your communication. You know, the part where it ceased? That wasn't normal and I called you out on it. Don't try to make me feel guilty for wondering what the hell changed.
Lessons Learned Dating Tall Guy:
1)Do not date a guy who has impregnated his roommate and believes that he can date someone else while continuing to live with said roommate.
(yes, this sounds like a no-brainer……)
2)Do not believe a guy who says he has many demands on his time, but will make time to see you because it is sooooo important to him.
(This will just make you wonder if you’ve become less important when he can’t see you. At all. Or call. Or text. Or email. And no, he is not caught in an elevator somewhere with a dead cell phone wishing he could call you.)
3)Do not believe a guy means anything he says in an email about how crazy he is about you. “I haven't experienced this sort of feeling for anyone in a very long time.” Or “…casual is the last word I would use to describe my feelings toward you.” If he means it, he’ll show you.
4)<strong>Do not respond to sappy emails. Delete them immediately and watch Monty Python’s Holy Grail.
5)Do not believe a guy who tells you when it comes to his feelings for you he means every word of Frankie Vallie’s “Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You” and emails you the song in addition to more schmaltzy love songs. The only part he really means is highlighted below:
You're just too good to be true;
Can't take my eyes off of you.
You'd be like Heaven to touch;
I wanna hold you so much.
At long last love has arrived,
I thank God I'm alive.
You're just too good to be true;
Can't take my eyes off of you.
Pardon the way that I stare:
There's nothing else to compare.
The sight of you leaves me weak;
There are no words left to speak.
But if you feel like I feel,
Please let me know that it's real,
You're just too good to be true;
Can't take my eyes off of you.
I love you, baby!
And if it's quite alright,
I need you, baby,
To warm a lonely night.
I love you, baby;
Trust in me when I say.
Oh, pretty baby,
Don't bring me down, I pray.
Oh, pretty baby,
Now that I found you, stay.
And let me love you, baby,
Let me love you.
*If you read between the lines, it makes MUCH more sense
6)Do not believe a guy when he says that he is “practically in love with you”.
He’s not. He’s just horny.
7)Guys usually wait to say they ARE in love with you, rather than “practically” which equals “not quite”.
So, lets try that phrase again: “I’m not quite in love with you.” Yep, that sounds more accurate and I could have done without hearing it.
8)Do not email or text a guy after 3 weeks of crap communication. His focus is somewhere else and he is developmentally challenged in the arena of thinking about how that might affect others. Be understanding... Date someone else.
9)Do not lose sleep because you think the guy might have texted you in the middle of the night. He hasn’t. Probably because he is being anally probed on Jupiter. One can hope...
10)Do not think this lack of communication is your fault. It isn’t. It’s a side effect of the procedure in ending a relationship with a man who lost his balls in a bizarre dresser moving incident and doesn’t know how to tell you.
11)Tall Guy is just not that into me.
(Yes, it hurts.)
(yes, this sounds like a no-brainer……)
2)Do not believe a guy who says he has many demands on his time, but will make time to see you because it is sooooo important to him.
(This will just make you wonder if you’ve become less important when he can’t see you. At all. Or call. Or text. Or email. And no, he is not caught in an elevator somewhere with a dead cell phone wishing he could call you.)
3)Do not believe a guy means anything he says in an email about how crazy he is about you. “I haven't experienced this sort of feeling for anyone in a very long time.” Or “…casual is the last word I would use to describe my feelings toward you.” If he means it, he’ll show you.
4)<strong>Do not respond to sappy emails. Delete them immediately and watch Monty Python’s Holy Grail.
5)Do not believe a guy who tells you when it comes to his feelings for you he means every word of Frankie Vallie’s “Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You” and emails you the song in addition to more schmaltzy love songs. The only part he really means is highlighted below:
You're just too good to be true;
Can't take my eyes off of you.
You'd be like Heaven to touch;
I wanna hold you so much.
At long last love has arrived,
I thank God I'm alive.
You're just too good to be true;
Can't take my eyes off of you.
Pardon the way that I stare:
There's nothing else to compare.
The sight of you leaves me weak;
There are no words left to speak.
But if you feel like I feel,
Please let me know that it's real,
You're just too good to be true;
Can't take my eyes off of you.
I love you, baby!
And if it's quite alright,
I need you, baby,
To warm a lonely night.
I love you, baby;
Trust in me when I say.
Oh, pretty baby,
Don't bring me down, I pray.
Oh, pretty baby,
Now that I found you, stay.
And let me love you, baby,
Let me love you.
*If you read between the lines, it makes MUCH more sense
6)Do not believe a guy when he says that he is “practically in love with you”.
He’s not. He’s just horny.
7)Guys usually wait to say they ARE in love with you, rather than “practically” which equals “not quite”.
So, lets try that phrase again: “I’m not quite in love with you.” Yep, that sounds more accurate and I could have done without hearing it.
8)Do not email or text a guy after 3 weeks of crap communication. His focus is somewhere else and he is developmentally challenged in the arena of thinking about how that might affect others. Be understanding... Date someone else.
9)Do not lose sleep because you think the guy might have texted you in the middle of the night. He hasn’t. Probably because he is being anally probed on Jupiter. One can hope...
10)Do not think this lack of communication is your fault. It isn’t. It’s a side effect of the procedure in ending a relationship with a man who lost his balls in a bizarre dresser moving incident and doesn’t know how to tell you.
11)Tall Guy is just not that into me.
(Yes, it hurts.)
First Letter from Tall Guy
" I am sitting here smelling you on me...tasting you on my lips. Cliche and maybe a little overused, but true. I come home after every time I see you and unplug my Febreeze things so I smell you that much more. The brown shirt I wore last time sat on my bed next to my pillow that whole night so I could smell you every once in awhile...but not too much.
The sense of smell is the strongest when it comes to emotional response and memory for me. I smell you now and it's a rush of feelings that can't quite be put fully into words. Happiness, excitement, anticipation...they are there. In droves. There is some fear there, too. I haven't experienced this sort of feeling for anyone in a very long time. I don't have fear that it won't work out, as much as a fear that if I don't do everything exactly right you'll try to stab me with a pair of scissors. Please don't stab me.
I just had a daydream, right then. Of you panting, sweating and exhausted on top of me, with your head on the pillow to the right of me...and your hair was covering my face. My arms were around you and holding you very tight...I'm pretty sure I was still inside you. That one moment...complete abandon. I want to make you come so hard your legs shake when you stand. I want it to be so intense that afterward I won't even be able to imagine wanting it again...and want it again minutes later.
If you were here in front of me right now, I would ask you to dance for me...I really want to see you dance.
My head is spinning right now. I am dizzied by the depth of my feelings for you in such a short time. I swear, I had a daydream on my way home about meeting your mother and pulling her aside and telling her that she had nothing to worry about, that my baggage was just part of my life and didn't define me, that I am the good guy. I made mistakes here and there and will make them again, we all do, but I daydreamed about defending myself to a woman that I've never met. And I know exactly why. Because I know it's important to you. I know your family will like me, probably right away. People just like me since I am a pretty nice guy. But they probably won't trust me for awhile.
The ultimate decision is yours, of course. I hope you let me convince them, and show you and them that I am trustworthy.
I have to stop writing this now...I had a beer when I got home to try and perk up and these emotions are running wild in me. I will leave you with this (until you reply): if you were here right now, before I asked you to dance, I would give you the longest, slowest and most intense kiss of your life. After that...
...I would give you another. "
Ok, so if you got a letter like this you would probably have had the same reaction as me. I thought the Tall Guy liked me. A lot. To my horror I wrote an equally sappy letter back. I am not proud of this but I claim temporary insanity...
The sense of smell is the strongest when it comes to emotional response and memory for me. I smell you now and it's a rush of feelings that can't quite be put fully into words. Happiness, excitement, anticipation...they are there. In droves. There is some fear there, too. I haven't experienced this sort of feeling for anyone in a very long time. I don't have fear that it won't work out, as much as a fear that if I don't do everything exactly right you'll try to stab me with a pair of scissors. Please don't stab me.
I just had a daydream, right then. Of you panting, sweating and exhausted on top of me, with your head on the pillow to the right of me...and your hair was covering my face. My arms were around you and holding you very tight...I'm pretty sure I was still inside you. That one moment...complete abandon. I want to make you come so hard your legs shake when you stand. I want it to be so intense that afterward I won't even be able to imagine wanting it again...and want it again minutes later.
If you were here in front of me right now, I would ask you to dance for me...I really want to see you dance.
My head is spinning right now. I am dizzied by the depth of my feelings for you in such a short time. I swear, I had a daydream on my way home about meeting your mother and pulling her aside and telling her that she had nothing to worry about, that my baggage was just part of my life and didn't define me, that I am the good guy. I made mistakes here and there and will make them again, we all do, but I daydreamed about defending myself to a woman that I've never met. And I know exactly why. Because I know it's important to you. I know your family will like me, probably right away. People just like me since I am a pretty nice guy. But they probably won't trust me for awhile.
The ultimate decision is yours, of course. I hope you let me convince them, and show you and them that I am trustworthy.
I have to stop writing this now...I had a beer when I got home to try and perk up and these emotions are running wild in me. I will leave you with this (until you reply): if you were here right now, before I asked you to dance, I would give you the longest, slowest and most intense kiss of your life. After that...
...I would give you another. "
Ok, so if you got a letter like this you would probably have had the same reaction as me. I thought the Tall Guy liked me. A lot. To my horror I wrote an equally sappy letter back. I am not proud of this but I claim temporary insanity...
Finding out what's wrong with Tall Guy
After the fabulous first date with Tall Guy I went out with a couple other people before heading off to Iowa for some crazy fast family time. We had been in communication via email, but he felt distant and hadn't asked me out again. I mentally shrugged it off. Either a guy is into you, or not.
Even though I was stressed out from work and the fucked up travelling I had to do to get there (thanks United Airlines), I had a blast with my family. Iowa is this strange land where you can pretty much behave however you like, always feel dressed up, and can drink ungodly amounts of beer and still survive. I have renamed the state "Magic Drunken Land." Please make note in the future.
Late one night after consuming my weight in beer, without eating anything solid I can remember, I was texting the Tall Guy. He said he wanted to tell me why he was so reluctant to ask me out again. Uh-oh. I closed one eye so I could read my phone better. Using two made it move around all fuzzy. This was a good indicator I should probably go to bed. And I did. I could afford to put off whatever soul revealing thing this guy felt he should share with me.
The following evening I was even more intoxicated as I learned the truth about Tall Guy. "A wrench" in his ability to date me was that he was going to have a baby in 5 months. Seriously. I dropped my head down and sighed. Here was a nice guy, that I had a nice time with and had been excited to see a second time. Now, he was going to be a father and have all the ties of responsibility that entailed. Instead of texting back "Ok, see ya." I decided to be nice. I told him congradulations.
As I drank more, we texted more and he revealed that the baby's momma was his roommate. You know, the one he told me was not an issue AT ALL? Tall Guy said that they were never dating just got it on once in awhile. But even that much was over between them now. The last time they shacked up resulting in this. He was excited to be a dad.
Good for you, Tall Guy. Glad you are happy about fathering a child, but ummmm, why are you trying to date? His response was: He found out a couple of days before I contacted him, he was getting ready to delete his profile when he saw me and thought I was amazing. I know I shouldn't have fallen for that, but I totally did.
We texted all night, talked on the phone, joked and I had probably the best time ever with a guy in the past seven years. Laughing that hard was such a release. The only down side was the fact that I could, in all honesty, not forsee a future with this guy. He lives with his baby's momma, planning to keep that arrangement for at least the next year, and will have a screaming infant in a few months. How do you get romantic with that?
You don't. When I got back into town I had a long phone convo with the Tall Guy. I was straight honest with him about all of my concerns and reservations. I asked a thousand questions. Against my better judgement I agreed to go out with him again. For fun, I told myself...
Even though I was stressed out from work and the fucked up travelling I had to do to get there (thanks United Airlines), I had a blast with my family. Iowa is this strange land where you can pretty much behave however you like, always feel dressed up, and can drink ungodly amounts of beer and still survive. I have renamed the state "Magic Drunken Land." Please make note in the future.
Late one night after consuming my weight in beer, without eating anything solid I can remember, I was texting the Tall Guy. He said he wanted to tell me why he was so reluctant to ask me out again. Uh-oh. I closed one eye so I could read my phone better. Using two made it move around all fuzzy. This was a good indicator I should probably go to bed. And I did. I could afford to put off whatever soul revealing thing this guy felt he should share with me.
The following evening I was even more intoxicated as I learned the truth about Tall Guy. "A wrench" in his ability to date me was that he was going to have a baby in 5 months. Seriously. I dropped my head down and sighed. Here was a nice guy, that I had a nice time with and had been excited to see a second time. Now, he was going to be a father and have all the ties of responsibility that entailed. Instead of texting back "Ok, see ya." I decided to be nice. I told him congradulations.
As I drank more, we texted more and he revealed that the baby's momma was his roommate. You know, the one he told me was not an issue AT ALL? Tall Guy said that they were never dating just got it on once in awhile. But even that much was over between them now. The last time they shacked up resulting in this. He was excited to be a dad.
Good for you, Tall Guy. Glad you are happy about fathering a child, but ummmm, why are you trying to date? His response was: He found out a couple of days before I contacted him, he was getting ready to delete his profile when he saw me and thought I was amazing. I know I shouldn't have fallen for that, but I totally did.
We texted all night, talked on the phone, joked and I had probably the best time ever with a guy in the past seven years. Laughing that hard was such a release. The only down side was the fact that I could, in all honesty, not forsee a future with this guy. He lives with his baby's momma, planning to keep that arrangement for at least the next year, and will have a screaming infant in a few months. How do you get romantic with that?
You don't. When I got back into town I had a long phone convo with the Tall Guy. I was straight honest with him about all of my concerns and reservations. I asked a thousand questions. Against my better judgement I agreed to go out with him again. For fun, I told myself...
Meeting Tall Guy
I met Tall Guy through the online dating site. His profile popped up about a week after I had gone out with ED Guy and never heard back. My pride was a little wounded but I was determined not to give up. Tall Guy’s photo was a hairy one, full beard and longish hair, with his face tilted in profile. He listed himself as being 6’8”. He had to be lying or it was a typo. We did the whole back and forth question/answer thing very quickly. So quickly, in fact that I was beginning to wonder if he was desperate or would think I was… The emails that followed were hilarious. We both asked a lot of questions, traded funny experiences. I was feeling comfortable and made the first move. I gave him my number…
It is fairly awkward giving a random person your phone number online, especially when they do not ask for it. I didn’t want to be presumptuous, but then again, we are both doing the online dating thing so it should be kind of expected. Tall Guy works nights and started texting me. After my last couple online dates I thought it would be practical to screen this one thoroughly before committing to an actual in-person meeting. I texted questions, he’d text back answers. This was comparatively better than having a conversation on the phone because I could just shoot straight and get easy answers. He seemed to be enjoying the back and forth quite a bit as well.
Me: Are you super religious?
TG: HELL NO!!!
Asked about his likes, dislikes, favorites, family friends, stupid questions… He asked back too. It was all very entertaining. On one side, I considered him very funny. On another side, there was the distinct possibility that he was the type of funny guy who is never serious nd just irritating after awhile because they joke too much. Well, I would just have to meet him to make sure. Tall Guy asked me out to get drinks the next day and I accepted.
My normal nervous self tried to wrap its brain around 6’8” and failed. I was looking up at trees trying to get an idea of what I would be seeing that night. Kind of scary… but also exciting. When I was stuck in traffic on my way home I had my first phone conversation with the Tall Guy. Buying shoes at the mall, he called to see what time we should meet up and where. Deep voice, good. Still funny but not in a whacked out way, good. This may not be so painful…
The mad dash home about killed me. I ran in the house to pee, because after sitting in my car for 45 minutes that is the first thing on my agenda when the condo came in sight. Then walk the dog while constantly repeating “Poop, Cutter!” only to give up and tell the poor dog he’d have to hold it. Ran back inside, stripped, showered, blow dried, curled, make-uped… I dug through the mad pile of clothes that seems to build up any place I live and tried on a half dozen different things. This makes me look fat. That makes my chest look flat. This will make me sweat more than I already am. These shoes don’t go well with these jeans. My boss had told me to wear heels so I won’t seem so short next to the Tall Guy and I finally acquiesced, but felt silly and dressed up when he was going to wear “casual clothes.” Screw it!
In the parking lot at the restaurant I checked myself out in the mirror and sighed. Sometimes women look at themselves and wonder what other people will see. I just hoped he would disregard my shoes. Walking up to meet him I realized just how tall Tall Guy actually was. Good Lord! Even with four inches from my platforms I felt like a midget next to this guy!
I don’t recall that we hugged in greeting. I think there was more of a tentative waving of hands at one another before heading into the sushi place. I was super nervous. This guy was really attractive (in a hairy, hippy sorta way.) He was quick witted and made conversation very easy, where as I was so tongue-tied I thought I would need to excuse myself and just drive home where I could put my sweats on, read a book, drink beer and get shit-faced.
What stood out in my mind about the first part of that night are the following things:
1)The gentle smile that he had when the little child/monster from another table was running around
2)How his eyes crinkled sheepishly when I told him that his “drummer forearms” looked more like a normal person’s calves
3)He leaned forward and with the sincerity of a concerned saint asked me to please, not be nervous
As hard as I could, I tried to calm down and be myself. Dating is hard. Your mind goes into over drive. You worry about saying the wrong thing, laughing like an imbecile, saying something stupid, offending the other person, getting sushi stuck in your teeth without realizing it and smiling too big.
After dinner we took a walk around the lake and talked. I discovered that he likes to write in addition to playing the drums. He loves his job. Has a female roommate (but was quite serious when he said there was nothing going on there. Nothing to worry about AT ALL.) Loves music by Frank Zappa. Tall Guy has a very raunchy sense of humor, which I appreciate. We had coffee and talked more. I made a mental note that it is not a first date topic to talk about my recently deceased father (just a little weird).
What stood out in my mind from the later part of the date:
1Tall Guy is funny
2)He can pull hair and demonstrated that jokingly but still made me want to jump him
3)Good, sweet gentle kiss goodnight
When Tall Guy walked me to my car he started by giving me a hug goodnight. It was short and he immediately grabbed my neck, which scared the piss out of me. I mean, this man is huge! But he'd thought he had rammed his shoulder into my windpipe. It was my first indication that perhaps he, too, had been nervous. I laughed it off and reassured him that I was not injured and he had imagined the whole thing. Then, to my utter astonishment, he leaned in, ran his hand up the back of my neck, into my hair and kissed me. It was sweet. Almost delicate. I was surprised he had kissed me at all.
The drive home was short, but I was happy. It was a nice, slightly stressful date that ended really well. I hoped that I would hear from him again. But you never know… I had thought the date with ED Guy had gone ok and still hadn’t heard anything from him two weeks later.
It is fairly awkward giving a random person your phone number online, especially when they do not ask for it. I didn’t want to be presumptuous, but then again, we are both doing the online dating thing so it should be kind of expected. Tall Guy works nights and started texting me. After my last couple online dates I thought it would be practical to screen this one thoroughly before committing to an actual in-person meeting. I texted questions, he’d text back answers. This was comparatively better than having a conversation on the phone because I could just shoot straight and get easy answers. He seemed to be enjoying the back and forth quite a bit as well.
Me: Are you super religious?
TG: HELL NO!!!
Asked about his likes, dislikes, favorites, family friends, stupid questions… He asked back too. It was all very entertaining. On one side, I considered him very funny. On another side, there was the distinct possibility that he was the type of funny guy who is never serious nd just irritating after awhile because they joke too much. Well, I would just have to meet him to make sure. Tall Guy asked me out to get drinks the next day and I accepted.
My normal nervous self tried to wrap its brain around 6’8” and failed. I was looking up at trees trying to get an idea of what I would be seeing that night. Kind of scary… but also exciting. When I was stuck in traffic on my way home I had my first phone conversation with the Tall Guy. Buying shoes at the mall, he called to see what time we should meet up and where. Deep voice, good. Still funny but not in a whacked out way, good. This may not be so painful…
The mad dash home about killed me. I ran in the house to pee, because after sitting in my car for 45 minutes that is the first thing on my agenda when the condo came in sight. Then walk the dog while constantly repeating “Poop, Cutter!” only to give up and tell the poor dog he’d have to hold it. Ran back inside, stripped, showered, blow dried, curled, make-uped… I dug through the mad pile of clothes that seems to build up any place I live and tried on a half dozen different things. This makes me look fat. That makes my chest look flat. This will make me sweat more than I already am. These shoes don’t go well with these jeans. My boss had told me to wear heels so I won’t seem so short next to the Tall Guy and I finally acquiesced, but felt silly and dressed up when he was going to wear “casual clothes.” Screw it!
In the parking lot at the restaurant I checked myself out in the mirror and sighed. Sometimes women look at themselves and wonder what other people will see. I just hoped he would disregard my shoes. Walking up to meet him I realized just how tall Tall Guy actually was. Good Lord! Even with four inches from my platforms I felt like a midget next to this guy!
I don’t recall that we hugged in greeting. I think there was more of a tentative waving of hands at one another before heading into the sushi place. I was super nervous. This guy was really attractive (in a hairy, hippy sorta way.) He was quick witted and made conversation very easy, where as I was so tongue-tied I thought I would need to excuse myself and just drive home where I could put my sweats on, read a book, drink beer and get shit-faced.
What stood out in my mind about the first part of that night are the following things:
1)The gentle smile that he had when the little child/monster from another table was running around
2)How his eyes crinkled sheepishly when I told him that his “drummer forearms” looked more like a normal person’s calves
3)He leaned forward and with the sincerity of a concerned saint asked me to please, not be nervous
As hard as I could, I tried to calm down and be myself. Dating is hard. Your mind goes into over drive. You worry about saying the wrong thing, laughing like an imbecile, saying something stupid, offending the other person, getting sushi stuck in your teeth without realizing it and smiling too big.
After dinner we took a walk around the lake and talked. I discovered that he likes to write in addition to playing the drums. He loves his job. Has a female roommate (but was quite serious when he said there was nothing going on there. Nothing to worry about AT ALL.) Loves music by Frank Zappa. Tall Guy has a very raunchy sense of humor, which I appreciate. We had coffee and talked more. I made a mental note that it is not a first date topic to talk about my recently deceased father (just a little weird).
What stood out in my mind from the later part of the date:
1Tall Guy is funny
2)He can pull hair and demonstrated that jokingly but still made me want to jump him
3)Good, sweet gentle kiss goodnight
When Tall Guy walked me to my car he started by giving me a hug goodnight. It was short and he immediately grabbed my neck, which scared the piss out of me. I mean, this man is huge! But he'd thought he had rammed his shoulder into my windpipe. It was my first indication that perhaps he, too, had been nervous. I laughed it off and reassured him that I was not injured and he had imagined the whole thing. Then, to my utter astonishment, he leaned in, ran his hand up the back of my neck, into my hair and kissed me. It was sweet. Almost delicate. I was surprised he had kissed me at all.
The drive home was short, but I was happy. It was a nice, slightly stressful date that ended really well. I hoped that I would hear from him again. But you never know… I had thought the date with ED Guy had gone ok and still hadn’t heard anything from him two weeks later.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)