Lessons Learned Dating Tall Guy:

1)Do not date a guy who has impregnated his roommate and believes that he can date someone else while continuing to live with said roommate.
(yes, this sounds like a no-brainer……)

2)Do not believe a guy who says he has many demands on his time, but will make time to see you because it is sooooo important to him.
(This will just make you wonder if you’ve become less important when he can’t see you. At all. Or call. Or text. Or email. And no, he is not caught in an elevator somewhere with a dead cell phone wishing he could call you.)

3)Do not believe a guy means anything he says in an email about how crazy he is about you. “I haven't experienced this sort of feeling for anyone in a very long time.” Or “…casual is the last word I would use to describe my feelings toward you.” If he means it, he’ll show you.

4)<strong>Do not respond to sappy emails. Delete them immediately and watch Monty Python’s Holy Grail.

5)Do not believe a guy who tells you when it comes to his feelings for you he means every word of Frankie Vallie’s “Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You” and emails you the song in addition to more schmaltzy love songs. The only part he really means is highlighted below:

You're just too good to be true;
Can't take my eyes off of you.
You'd be like Heaven to touch;
I wanna hold you so much.
At long last love has arrived,
I thank God I'm alive.
You're just too good to be true;
Can't take my eyes off of you.

Pardon the way that I stare:
There's nothing else to compare.
The sight of you leaves me weak;
There are no words left to speak.
But if you feel like I feel,
Please let me know that it's real,
You're just too good to be true;
Can't take my eyes off of you.

I love you, baby!
And if it's quite alright,
I need you, baby,
To warm a lonely night.
I love you, baby;
Trust in me when I say.
Oh, pretty baby,
Don't bring me down, I pray.
Oh, pretty baby,
Now that I found you, stay.
And let me love you, baby,
Let me love you.
*If you read between the lines, it makes MUCH more sense

6)Do not believe a guy when he says that he is “practically in love with you”.
He’s not. He’s just horny.

7)Guys usually wait to say they ARE in love with you, rather than “practically” which equals “not quite”.
So, lets try that phrase again: “I’m not quite in love with you.” Yep, that sounds more accurate and I could have done without hearing it.

8)Do not email or text a guy after 3 weeks of crap communication. His focus is somewhere else and he is developmentally challenged in the arena of thinking about how that might affect others. Be understanding... Date someone else.

9)Do not lose sleep because you think the guy might have texted you in the middle of the night. He hasn’t. Probably because he is being anally probed on Jupiter. One can hope...

10)Do not think this lack of communication is your fault. It isn’t. It’s a side effect of the procedure in ending a relationship with a man who lost his balls in a bizarre dresser moving incident and doesn’t know how to tell you.

11)Tall Guy is just not that into me.
(Yes, it hurts.)