Moving Along with the Principal

My relationship with the Principal has accelerated. He makes sure to ask me if I have plans by the middle of the week and we see each other regularly. After the 4th date, he would send me a few texts every other day. I like that he sends me a message from time to time, but also like how it is not our main source of communication. We do a ton of talking when we hang out so it’s nice that he reserves his info for those times.

On the 6th date, there was a marked change in his behavior. The Principal went gradually from being kind of stiff into touchy feely mode (in a good way). He would hug me, wrap his arms around me or hold my hand. Baffling, I know.

I have never been good with this change in relationships. I am most definitely not a “hand-holder”. Your palms get sweaty and you feel awkward trying to extricate yourself from the other person. Then you have to distract them while you wipe your hand off on your pants. Just plain weird.

However, on this date he made it a rather comfortable transition. We petted sting rays, he laughed at my shrieking in delight when one (that I named Fluffy) kept coming back to me to be petted. Most of all, I noticed how comfortable he was to talk to.

I made the fatal error of mentioning the Mars and Venus on a Date book, though, but he thought it was funny and interesting. The Principal can be a joker, who knew? He decided my reading choice and research into this whole online dating was something he could kid with me about in a good natured way. He likes to think of himself as my muse...

I was having a great time. We picked up some ice cream and went back to his place to make a fire. Sitting out on the patio, watching the crackling flames, very romantic, right? Yes and no.

The Principal, while getting in close for some nice kissing action asked if we were still in the “kissing chapter.” Great. We had been out 6 times and only the last 2 of those have we really started connecting. What I mean is, I have had a fantastic time with the Principal when we’ve gone out, but only after I picked him up from the airport and this current date have I felt very comfortable with him and like he is someone I would enjoy being in a relationship with. He has always been very respectful of my boundaries, but this testing of the waters made me think… What is he after?

I told him that we were indeed still in the kissing chapter, which he was fine with. A little later we were cuddling and cold, he suggested we go lay in bed (just for warmth and some tonsil hockey.) I was fine with that. After a decent amount of making out, he asked what “the book” said about the whole waiting for sex thing…

Why, oh why can’t I keep my mouth shut? Well, since it was out I thought I would share, and he really wanted to know. Dr. Gray had said it was good to share the knowledge from his book…

I explained the 4 stages of dating: Attraction, Uncertainty, Exclusivity, and Intimacy. Those lead to the 5th stage= Engagement. Which ideally leads to marriage. (Can you feel my face getting redder?)

Dr. Gray believes that successful dating experiences are achieved when people follow the 4 stages in order so they can attain a meaningful connection. As one travels through these stages they are getting to know the other person and find out if they are chemistry on 4 levels: Physical, Emotional, Mental, and Spiritual.

Men initiate dating with a woman because they feel a physical chemistry. They see a woman that is beautiful or graceful and want the chance to be around her. Women, however, date men more based on a mental chemistry. Naturally, we girls find some physical attraction in our dates but that can actually be altered by how we connect with them mentally. I have always said I don’t have a type, all my ex-boyfriends look different, but it was their personalities that made them so hot in my eyes. I have been able to meet men that look like models with the personality of douche bags and find them completely unattractive. Women think a man who is interesting would be fun to be around.

Dr. Gray says that women can confuse when a man is emotionally interested in her if they jump from Attraction to Intimacy, when the man is actually still in stage 1. Then, the woman starts to expect the things that go along with an emotional connection, such as more frequent calls and talking about feelings which turns the man off as he goes into Uncertainty.

Giving the Principal this bullet point explanation he asked a few questions. He asked what stage I was in. I said Uncertainty. I don’t know him well enough to decide whether our relationship is going anywhere. I like him, we have fun, but the getting-to-know-you part is still in high gear.

He asked what Exclusivity meant. I explained how Exclusivity is when you decide that you are not going to see anybody else. At that point, I was very glad it was dark in the room so he couldn’t see me turn red. How strange is it to have a conversation about waiting to have sex and bringing up the boyfriend/girlfriend issue? I was squirming a bit at this point. He waved a hand and said “Oh, I’m there. I don’t really care to see anyone else. I mean if you do, that’s ok if you’re not ready.” He said it all very casually and a little jokey.

It's not really ok for one person to be in an exclusive relationship while the other person still dates around, is it? I teased him that he was just hurrying through the stages to get to Intimacy. That lightened the atmosphere. I told him that when women develop that emotional bond before men they have a tendency to push the man away. Wanting to take this slow wasn’t a bad thing, just showed how interested I am in him.

I drove home that night feeling like a complete dork. Really? Did I have to open my mouth and tell him all that? Could I not have just said “I want to take things slow and get to know you better?” No, apparently I have a disease that does not allow me to keep my trap shut. I share way too much about what I’m thinking or feeling. I should be studied by Dr. Gray so he can write a book about “Why women cannot control their mouths.” I would buy that book. And tell people about it. Probably while on a date.

Grrr...