Being in a Relationship by myself

Ok. I feel like anytime I talk about this I sound whiney.

My boyfriend took a new job, moved to a new town, and has now closed on his very own home. The last time he took any interest in me was probably before he moved. See? Super freak whiney.

When we discussed his move it was all roses and how much we'll freaking miss each other. The vague promises that he'll try to get me to move with him, like he couldn't bare to be apart. He seems to be doing JUST FINE. In fact he tells me all about every detail of his life. I need not speak, or interject any ideas. He's got it ALL covered. Even when he doesn't.

I'm extremely frustrated. I remember this from the EX, and saying that or making comparisons isn't fair. But still, this feeling of sinking back into the farthest recess of my body so I don't claw the hell out of the Principal or slipping into a warm bath of numbness whenever he disregards what comes out of my mouth is getting old. I never thought my self-esteem was low, just made me humble. However, the more I've discussed things with friends, and of course my mother thedoomsday prophet, I think I have been putting myself down too much for the Principal's sake.

Example: At dinner with Julie and Kelly I talked about how the Principal never asks about my week or what I've been up to when we talk on the phone. We only discuss the stress of his transition.

"I know my life isn't super exciting or anything-"

"What?! YOU are exciting AND interesting!" Julie slammed her teensy little hands on the table.

I shrugged, but it made me realize I was making myself less so he could be more. If my life was less interesting then what he was going through there would be a reason we didn't discuss it. I was making excuses.

Example: At a furniture store we got to talking to a sales lady. The Principal was preening about working at the mine (the town gets a hard-on when they hear the mine is re-opening) and the sales lady was asking twenty questions. The Principal made me sound as if I was refusing to move to this bustling city for silly reasons. Like the fact that I own a house.

In response I said "I have a job in Phoenix." The sales lady nodded in understanding and asked what I did. "I answer phones."

The light went out of her face as if to say "You couldn't leave that behind to move with the man you love?" The Principal was smirking and making comments so it seemed he was after me constantly to come with him. I breathed in deeply and tried to become a shadow.

When I told my lovely mother about the above example she tried to slap me. "Why did you say it like that?"

"Like what?" I was confused.


"You said just 'answer phones"! You were putting yourself down!"


"Uh, that's not putting myself down. My job description is answering phones, mom."

"But you don't have to say it like that." It was a ridiculous conversation which continued at this vein for a minimum of ten minutes until my lovely mother threw her hands up and pretended she conceded my point in a tone that let me know she really didn't.

I have been trying to figure out how to talk about this with the Principal and there seems to be no safe route. We are destined to fight about this. How do you explain you're not getting enough affection? Shouldn't it come naturally?

I worried about this as I drove to New Mexico to help him move into his house. I drove for 5 hours, with 2 dogs, and didn't even get a "How was the drive" or "I'm so happy to see you". If I did, they were in jest. I was expected to be there. The end.


We chatted, it was strained, then we went to bed. First night in his very first house. He rolled over and fell asleep. I lay awake shivering in the cold, (I'm not trying to be melodramatic, the furnace wasn't reaching the room we slept in), wondering why the Principal didn't want to even lay near me.


In the morning it was get up and get ready. No kissing, no holding each other. No nothing. Dissatisfied I took a shower and sat outside with the dogs. Wishing it was beer:thirthy.

Back and forth we moved his stuff from storage to house. I commented on paint colors and the look I received was scathing. A gray wall? Was I insane? I crawled back into my own little world and pretended it was okay. It is a far more lonely world when you share space with aperson who acts like you shouldn't really be there.

We went to bed.

We woke up. He acted like he wanted to have sex, asked if I had any protection, I rolled over and told him to go to hell. He just moved in, wasn't prepared for that. Had other things on his mind. Uhhh... You knew your girlfriend was driving 5 fucking hours to help you move and it never crossed your mind to have sex with her? Thanks.

I rolled over, got up and took a shower. Less than an hour later I was on my way back to AZ (5 hours again) so I could spend 3 hours cleaning offices and drive another 40 minutes home to do laundry and go back to work the following day. There was no text to see if I made it home safely. I went about my week with the impression I may have made up the very idea of the Principal.

Perhaps being single is the best way to go.