The First Fight

A few weeks ago I mentioned to The Principal that we had never been in an argument. He was home for the weekend and we had a great time. I didn't want to fight with him, but found it strange how we could date for nine months and hadn't snapped yet.

His response was simple. "Don't worry about it. I'm sure we'll have plenty of fights." And he dazzled me with his devilish grin.

I should have kept my mouth closed.

The following weekend we worked together around the yard, lounged in the pool and just enjoyed being... After taking a nap to chase away his headache, we went downtown to an Irish pub. Goal: meet Julie's new boyfriend. I was excited to see her with him. The Principal was AMAZING.

He sat across from new boyfriend guy and chatted him right up so Julie and I could talk. He'd laugh, touch, kiss me so breezily I was afraid he'd turned into a pod person. Normally he's so reserved, this display of open affection was nothing short of miraculous. Julie even commented on it.

The new happy couple had a few drinks then had to take off, so we sat on the patio finishing our beers, listening to the live music, and talking. It was one of those blissfully fun times. Out of nowhere, the conversation turned to a topic that had the Principal going over unfamiliar territory. His past relationships. I salivated, nearly to the point of drooling in public, at the opportunity to find out more about this area of his life. What girl doesn't want to know a little about the other women in their man's history?

The atmosphere was light. He talked openly like never before, I asked questions to keep him talking. A pizza was grabbed, more beer was picked up and finally we were at home on the patio. It was the most fun time we'd spent together in months. I was high on the Principal.

I don't know what happened, but all at once everything in the evening that was light and fun drifted into the night like smoke. If there was a catalyst, I missed it. The Principal clamped down on his past when I asked some question. The same question he would have jokingly answered five minutes earlier. I pressed, not understanding. He became angry, I got defensive.

'Why do you want to know about this?"

"We were just talking about it, it's a discussion. What crawled up your butt?"

He was stern and defiant. I started to cry. I tried to explain I only wanted to know more about him because I'm interested in who he is. Because I love him. I felt like an idiot for letting this upset me, but he was mad.

"I just asked-"

"No! You didn't just ask! You pushed..."

"We were having such a good time. I don't understand what went wrong..."

Eventually, we exchanged more mean words and I stopped talking to him all together. My heart ached from the loss of all that joy we'd been having, at the feeling of being so at one with the Principal. Now I was outside drinking beer and reading a book, wiping tears off my cheeks while he went to bed. Deja vu much?

When I was tired enough, I debated whether or not to sleep on the couch. This is my freaking house! In the bedroom the Principal was passed out on the floor with the dogs. I debated, again, whether I should leave him there or not. Nah, I'm not that mean. I wanted to kick him awake, but at the same time didn't even want to touch him. Instead, I went with the "Hey, you" tactic.

In bed, I stayed as far away from him as possible. I lay on my side, facing the window as close to the edge of the mattress as I could get. As I closed my eyes I swore this would not repeat my relationship with the EX through the Principal. In the morning, I'd gauge what was going on here and move forward. But all through the night my body was hyper aware the Principal was so close.

I woke to scoot farther away if his skin even brushed mine. Early, I gave up trying. The dogs wanted food and the pool looked soothing. Shortly after I was starting to relax on my hot pink inter tube, he emerged from the house. I pretended not to notice as he sat on the patio smoking a cigarette and watching me. I could feel the anger coming from him.

Thankful for the tube, water and distance, I floated blindly to the far side. There would be no relaxing until we talked this out, but my true fear was that this would be the first step toward the end. I mean, The Principal drives all this way to have fun, to be with me and he won't continue wanting to if I can't keep my mouth shut and we fight.

After stubbing out his cigarette, he made his way over to the pool, sat down and put in his feet, right in front of me. His unshaven face looked worn, as if debating how to start. Eventually he did. Saying he hadn't felt good about things when he went to bed last night and that hadn't improved when he woke up. I nodded, agreed. I felt foolish there in the pool, like a little kid having a conversation with her father about being bad. It dawned on me I felt that way because I used to hide from my dad's temper by getting in the pool. Huh, mini psych lesson for the day.

"I ruined a great time by being stubborn..." he muttered. I wanted to agree but instead admitted I don't always know when to give up. He asked what we were going to do. Contemplating, I watched him from behind my glasses.

"We get over it."

"How do we do that?" he replied after some time.

"We forgive each other and move on. Or we don't." I said simply. After all the stress and heart break I'd endured in the past year I was preparing myself for the fact he may not want to go on. I steeled myself. I could handle it.

He appeared to digest the statement. Roll it around a bit. Then he slid into the pool, grabbed me up in my ridiculous inter tube and kissed me. We hugged and kissed and smiled. I knew then, it would be ok for now.