Post Break-up meeting

After a week of being sick to my stomach over the Work Guy, I had had enough. I decided to email him, seeing as I had already deleted his phone number. This will sound cliché, but that’s how I roll… I needed closure. I needed to know how he could go from falling all over himself for me to a remote electronic message that told me I was no longer of service to him.

So for two days we emailed back and forth. Why was he so cruel, what had I done so wrong to be treated like I would cause a scene? And most of all, even though I shouldn’t, I still love him. I want what we had back. I had the time to think about the things I took too far and should have done better. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t just want to be a better girlfriend and have him back. I wanted him to see that he had areas of opportunity to improve as well.

My emails were long and detailed. His were crisp and to the point. I made it abundantly clear I didn’t think he had ever really cared about me if he could discard me so casually. He didn’t like that. (Somehow I knew he wouldn’t like being told how to fell but I bet a million bucks he doesn’t see the irony in that.)
I even begged. It was not my proudest moment, but I thought if he saw how much I cared he would realize the mistake he was making.

He said we would take two days and then talk about it again. I waited those two days and asked if we were going to meet up or he just wanted to continue emailing. Reluctantly he emailed that he would send me some of his thoughts and if I still wanted to meet he would. Encouraging. I made my peace that this man-child no longer wanted me, but I sure as hell wasn’t going to let him take the cowardly way out of simply writing us off because

I hadn’t satisfied his needs.

No, he was going to have to look me in the eye one last time.

So I drove up to his area and waited at the local Starbucks. I was nervous. I felt alone, sick and sad. But my resolve was there. Even if I am alone for the rest of my life, even if I had done many things wrong in every relationship I have ever had, I am by far not the worst person in the world. It is not crazy for me to feel he left me out. It is not abnormal to get upset and angry with the person you love when they won’t try to see things from your perspective. Most of all, if I am going to be in a relationship it is going to be with someone who will communicate with me about our problems. Someone who will work for it and expects me to work too.
I very calmly addressed his thoughts he’d emailed. I told him what I felt I should have been better at, tried harder at. I believe I am capable of being better. His eyes were faded. He really didn’t care to work at anything.

He was done. I told him what I hadn’t gotten from him, how that made me anxious. How the things I had gotten upset about were valid and did not deserved to be dismissed. I was no longer making a case for why we should work things out now. I was giving him the conversation we should have had in lieu of his abortive text.
It lasted less than an hour and was all even toned. I ended with,

“I realize that you have no desire to make this work,” sad shake of the head from him.
“but I felt like we both needed to sit down and talk about this in order to move on. Remember last year when we first met outside of work? You were talking about breaking up with Target Girl, shooting her an email or texting her?” his eyes got wide, teary looking.

“I told you to go over to her house and tell her how you felt. You had been dating her a month and she deserved that respect.” He sees where this is going and looks even more baleful.

“So, what hurt me the most is that for a week I was so sick to my stomach thinking about how horribly awful I had to have been for you to do that to me. To text me you no longer wanted me, and were doing me a favor because I was getting older and want to have a family.” His eyes are wide with shock now. Like this is a revelation. I am betting at this point he hasn’t shared with a single female how exactly we broke up.

“I didn’t even merit the amount of respect you gave Target Girl. You have no idea how that felt. This is definitely one for the Book.” Shock, disbelief. Yes, you bastard. You made yet another chapter in the Book.

He apologized. We hugged, I cried. And damn it, I really wanted to kiss him. We walked to our cars apart.

There was something lighter about me though. I had gotten my say, aired my sins, and told him in my own way what an immature dick he is. I cranked up Lady Gaga “Bad Romance” and drove home.