A New Year

Again, a year dies and new one is born. People party like drunken idiots and you're supposed to kiss the one you love as the ball drops. I had no plans.

BP.. hadn't heard much out of him all week since he left the perfume next to my car on Christmas. I texted BP "Have a Happy New Year" on Saturday afternoon. He responded at 12:38am.

Serial Killer in Training asked me at work what my plans were and was aghast when I told him I didn't have any. What is the big deal? In my opinion, this was just another Saturday. He offered to have me join his friends and girlfriend but I declined. It was a sweet offer, but the only person I would know would have been him.

In the end I went over to Mel's for dinner and drinks with her boyfriend. We had a good time, just like any other Saturday.

Sunday happened the same way as always, I went to CG to clean. This year was looking just like the last, but with less hope and the absence of love.

BP texted asking if I was going to clean. I have routine dude, of course I will be cleaning. He asked when I would be finished... Was he really only going to ask me to come over after work in his town? Nope, after my last text about what time I would be wrapped up I haven't heard from him since. I haven't contacted him and he hasn't made any effort in my direction.

I guess I scared him off with my questions of where is this going, but I really don't care. In my opinion, if you're going to be sleeping with someone then it should be heading in some direction. Epiphany, I know. It wasn't like I was hanging all over him asking him to tell me I was his girlfriend or that he loved me, I just wanted to know there was some emotion behind his penis. If he couldn't handle me saying "I don't just want to have sex to have sex" then he can go fuck himself. Literally.

So, I have resolved to feel better about me and see what comes along. I'm 30 now. It is time to face the music. I may never get married, never have children. If that is what my cards read then I need to start focusing on what I want out of life. I want to be happy. That's it. Simple and straight forward. In order to do this, and be content I have to clean up a lot about myself and re-awaken what makes me, well, me.

New Year's Resolutions:

Yoga 5 times a week
Eat a cleaner diet, more whole foods
Finish my book and let my sister go crazy on it
Travel to Europe (which includes me getting a new passport)
Don't have sex just to have sex. No more "what the hell" experiences
Hike regularly
Read a book in a coffee shop
Fix roof
Fix pool
Keep a clean house
Grow my own tomatoes in the air
Stop biting my nails
Quit smoking
Buy a swim suit
Hang out with friends more often
Paint my bedroom, guest bath and guest room
Hang curtains
Go out on a Saturday night, rather than staying in
Read all of Austen
Paint the laundry room
Hang a light in the library
Get pots and plant flowers
Meet someone new

It's a long list... but I have a whole year to fill with it.