Date withe the Engineer

Hi... it's The Engineer.  Since you are going to drive to the restaurant, I figured I would send the info via text.  Meet me (wed 7pm) at The Grill... 555 W Chandler Blvd ..... it is outside of the Chandler Mall on the south side of Chandler Blvd.  It is N/NW of the actual mall.  Since this text was all just boring info, I'll send you another text that I wrote to one of my friends who hadn't been texting me back.

Followed by:

I'm an abandoned puppy outside in the cold.... the temperature is dropping fast and the last rays of sunshine are disappearing in the horizon .... oh wait, there's one house off in the distance.... the light is on.... smoke is curling out of the chimney from a warm crackling firer.... if only they would open the door and let me in......


Okay, I'm just going to start with the first text and work my way from there.  I had met the Engineer aka Young Guy at a bar a couple days before.  We agreed to dinner the following Wednesday and he picked a nicer, more costly place to go.  The first text was obviously an extremely detailed explanation of where it was.  It took me a few minutes to process how exact he felt he needed to explain this for me.  But smart people are often weird so I let it slide. 

The second text... Umm, OK.  I don't really understand your sense of humor.  Maybe this was the funniest text you've ever sent so you are attaching it to your dating resume'? 

Me:  Lol!  Did you get a response?

Engineer: They said they couldn't stop laughing .... and they texted as soon as they were physically able to.

How do I respond to this?
Me:  Well it was a very heart wrenching text!

Engineer:  I like to see and express mannerisms and expressions.  I  am a very visual person and I think that comes across in my writing.  I can't help it.... or maybe I enjoy it.  It's probably a blend of the two.

WTF?  Maybe in text he just comes across a little awkward....  Well, we continue to text and he continued to answer a novella each time.  Reserve judgement until you go on a date, everyone keeps telling me.  Fine!  But if I become another serial killer statistic I am not going to be pleased and may choose to quit dating all together, FOREVER.

Wednesday, the pre-date ritual starts.  Rush home from work , shower, blow dry hair, curl ends while applying my makeup.  Choose an outfit.  Try on.  Decide it makes me look fat.  Rip it off and throw it at an animal.  Try on another one.  Repeat.  Finally I am out the door and driving to the precisely pinpointed location of my date with the Engineer. 

He is waiting out front and tells me he came early to get our name in.  OK, that is thoughtful.  But when he sits I see his slacks are a couple inches too short and he's wearing a gold chain.  We remained outside and chatted for 40 freaking cold minutes waiting for a table.  This is Chandler?  Why the hell are there people out on a Wednesday night?  And why not suggest sitting at the bar for a beer while we wait? 

Instead we make idle chit chat while sitting uncomfortably on a bench.  He gets frustrated with the way he is sitting and makes me switch sides with him.  For some odd reason the Engineer spent 10 minutes explaining why carbs and sugar were the death of him, but I never really got an answer.  He loves Mountain Dew, but stays away from it.  Does it make you sick?  Are you just being health conscious?  Diabetes?  Did you used to be fat?

There are no pauses because he talks a constant stream of run on sentences.  The Engineer has ADHD with topics and I keep reminding him to go back to one he veered away from.  I talked about myself a total of 5 minutes throughout the date.  One instance I spoke of my upcoming job interview in Denver which I spent more time explaining that I was not moving to Denver than the actual job opportunity. 

I asked twice what he does for fun during the week.  The Engineer turned red and explained he does homework, or at least helps his 11 year old son with his.  The red turns to purple as he goes into why he is a single father- Divorce, was married 8 years- and has full custody - Ex just isn't that into being a mother, has another kid from previous relationship who moved in with his father out of state after the divorce. No need for me to ask questions, he goes straight into the details. The Engineer can't even look me in the eye as he mentions that he and his son live with his parents for now, helping them out as they are getting older and they can babysit.

Just keep nodding.  Insert smile.  I silently listen and squeeze my leg under the table.  When he talks, he doesn't eat.  Should I keep eating?  I do, but then it gets awkward again because there is less food on my plate and his plate looks untouched because he can't seem to eat and talk in pauses.  Normally, you talk about you then ask a question so you can eat while the other talks.  You volley back and forth yet still have a conversation AND a meal.  Not the Engineer, apparently.  Nor did he notice the 5 times the waitress came by to see if we were done or the manager who stopped by to ask if the meal was all right.

When he talked about his child he referred to him as "My kid", not Tommy or Joe, just "my kid."  His "kid" wasn't as gifted in sports as he had been, conversation segued for 15 minutes into his athleticism during high school and genius in college.  Back to the kid, he isn't very gifted so he's involved in piano and violin.  Ummm...

In reality, the date only lasted 2 hours from start to end, but it felt like an eternity.  He very sweetly asked if he could pay the bill, understanding that I am a very independent woman.  After all, I insisted on driving myself.  I told him that wasn't independence, I was just smart enough not to tell a stranger where I live. 

We exited the table, the Engineer walking a few feet behind.  He asks my back if I want to go out with him again...  before we are even close to the door.  I'm pretty sure the people at the surrounding tables heard.  I smile back at him and say sure, even though I really don't want to.

I have to walk to his car where he gives me some organic dog treats he bought for my beasties to say thank you for sharing me.  Very thoughtful.  I hug him, he smiles at me, shifts his weight from foot to foot as if trying to evaluate whether or not a kiss would be well received.  I wait a beat.  Then another.  God, I have had enough of this!  I say goodnight and walk back to my car.  If the night had a theme song it would be that sad/annoying sound when something goes wrong in a sitcom.  Wah-wah-waaaah....

The Engineer was nice and thoughtful.  Too bad I am just not into him.

Engineer:  I had a really fun time last night.  I enjoyed learning more about you and sharing my life.  Thanks for everything..... I checked out the Mumford & Sons song we talked about..... definitely a tiny touch of blue... digging the banjo.

Me:  Thank you again for dinner last night and the dog treats were so thoughtful!  Glad you liked the song :-)

And I haven't heard from him in almost a week.  Hopefully, he can just fade away so I don't have to explain myself. 

Sigh, maybe my ability to date is broken?