Wondering about the Principal

I sat around, wondering when the Principal would suggest we meet again.  After exchanging his paperwork last week and having a surprisingly great time, I had heard NOTHING.  I attempted to dial back my irritation by being realistic.  Maybe it had meant nothing to him to see me again.  It was just a pleasant night and that was it. 

So I went about my life figuring the Principal was over me and I would probably not hear from him again.

Until Tuesday night, a week since we had drinks.  I was watching The Walking Dead and drinking beer and minding my own business when my brain exploded. I wanted to know damn it!  Why does it always have to be my mind working over drive?  Why can't the Principal just tell me how he is feeling for once in his life?

Yes, I am a moron.  I texted him.  Testing the waters for something I don't even know if I want.

10:29pm
Me:  Just wondering if it was weird for you meeting up with me last week...

I didn't expect to hear back that night and was starting to beat myself up about reaching out.  Hadn't I learned from our previous relationship that I would ask, beg and fish for attention always left to wonder and wait.

The next day I hear back at 9:55am
Principal:  If you're not busy tonight how bout I give you a call

Oh shit.  My palms start sweating and I figure the Principal is going to tell me to leave him alone.  He's just going to prove how mature he is by not texting drunk at 10:30 at night when there is less likelihood that anyone will respond.  I am squirming in my chair staring at this stupid phone.  And I AM busy tonight, I have a date with the Engineer.

Me:  I'm sorry, I shouldn't have have asked that.  I didn't mean to make it awkward.  You can call me if you like, I will be home after 9.

No texts back.  I dreaded driving home from my date at 9:10 that night.  Would he call?  Did he take my apology as a brush off?  How, two years after we've been broken up I am already in this familiar, anxious place?

He called at 9:30 and we had a general conversation, but I was so nervous I thought I would laugh hysterically at any moment.  Eventually, he got to the text.  Probably thought he had disarmed me and could now go in for the kill.

Turns out, he wanted to explain how excited he was to see me last week.  Kept telling himself to reign it back, take it slow.  The Principal said he left our meeting with a "flood of emotions" and didn't sound sarcastic or like his throat caught on fire from the words.  He goes on about thinking how he should ask me out to see The Hobbit, since we both like that stuff, or taking the dogs for a hike.  He realized we couldn't jump back into things, but the fact that I said I wanted to hang out again brought back all of his old "feelings".

I was sitting there with my mouth open unable to respond. 

The Principal was using foreign words comfortably.  The story behind that was this:  We broke up and he was stuck in a tiny town, for which he was later grateful.  He had nothing to distract him, like he would have been in a city, and was forced to take a hard look at his flaws.  There were some flaws that just make him who he is and some flaws he could work on to be a better person.  He couldn't believe he had let something so stupid as talking about his "feelings" get in the way of a meaningful relationship or that he had been so selfish only talking about his move/work.

This new self evaluation made him remember the first time he had returned to my house after being in New Mexico and I had ran out of the house and jumped into his arms.  Here, he had had someone so excited to see him that I ran to him.  And then week by week my reaction had lessened because he wasn't returning the excitement.  It made him sad.

Then, he had the opportunity to see me again after two years and was finally in a better place.  When we had parted for the night the Principal had several scenarios running through his head. 
1) Should he go in for a kiss or would I be offended?
2) Maybe a peck on the cheek?
3) Friendly hug? (Which ended up being the one he went for)


We laughed and he kept saying the words "emotions" and "feelings" and even though he wasn't good at talking about them he vowed to himself he would change that flaw.  I asked if he was a pod person.

My head was reeling by his sincerity.  The fact the Principal could acknowledge he had needed to change and would not have had that opportunity if I hadn't broken things off when I did.  He said it all very matter of fact, not like he was feeding me a line.

We agreed to go to dinner on Friday night. 

"So.... Can I ask you an awkward question?"

"You can ask me anything you want."  He says in a very sober voice.

"Does this mean you are trying to date me?" Small voice, wanting to hide under a rock....

"Yes, yes it does."

"OK, I just wanted to be clear on that.  Make sure you make plans and call me in advance."  He laughs manically.

"I can do that!"

We'll see.............