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I awoke Monday morning, glanced at my phone and still nothing. I had been completely blown off by the Principal and I needed to get over it. Truth is, all my anger had drained to the point where I felt empty. Men simply did find me worthy enough to share their mediocre lives. Time to embrace being a single lady for the rest of my days. Yes, I am 31 and I give up.
9:00am Principal: Wow. That's some interesting messaging. Would have helped if I had read it yesterday rather than this morning.
Who the hell doesn't look at their phone for over 24 hours? Who? My 66 year old mother checks her IPhone regularly. Did it not occur to him to contact me at all yesterday?
9:24am ME: That's it?
10:54am Principal: Well I wanted to let you know that I had just read these given your assumption. I think the fact that I'm being extremely cautious about you and I and feeling things out slowly is likely making it appear that I'm "not interested".
11:15am ME: Taking things slow is one thing. Wondering if you're interested is another.
11:38am Principal: I am interested but I'm moving at a snail's pace. I didn't see a question asking me that only a revelation that you decided was the case.
Should I have been more direct? Sure! Have I always been the one who has to draw out how he feels about me? Yes! So forgive me if I just wanted to make a statement about how you happen to consistently come across.
11:47am ME: It wasn't a question, it was a conclusion. The lax communication was beginning to give me heart burn.
12:08pm Principal: My apologies, Not my intentions.
12:34pm ME: It was a pointless text.
And no more from the Principal. I hada fraction of a hope he would be waiting at my house when I drove home from work. Or left flowers. But I bet the thought never even crossed his mind. He didn't bother to call either.
I drove over to Julies's where she made me dinner and discussed the many dysfunctions of men. I just feel empty. Even my ex-boyfriend who had once loved me couldn't get excited enough to be with me. What hope would I ever have to find someone who does? How could I be stupid enough to think the Principal would go out of his way to tell me he cares?
If this man can't even call me, I guess he can't really ever love me.
Monday, January 7, 2013
User's Guide for Women
Some easy tips for men not to be such idiots.
1) Call or text daily. It doesn't have to be a long, involved conversation. Just contact.
2) Ask what SHE has been doing.
3) Mention the following on a regular basis or insert into silences
A. I missed you
B. I have been thinking about you/ You have been on my mind
C. You are beautiful/pretty/cute/funny/wonderful
4) Bring up how you thought about something discussed previously or that something reminded you of her
5) Make eye contact
6) Touch her arm/neck/back/knee (keep it PG, perverts)
7) Kiss her or hug her just for the hell of it
8) Make plans a couple days or a week out to show a future. It says "See! I will still want to be with you in a week!" The plans could be simple, like coffee or watching a movie together. It is the time that matters.
9) Go out of your way every once and a while and you will be rewarded ten fold. Example: If she has had a really tough time at work offer to pick her up for lunch to get her mind off it or send flowers or a thoughtful card/email.
10) Just be present. When talking or in silence just be aware of her. No one wants to be an accessory.
If men did half of this a woman would never doubt his interest.
1) Call or text daily. It doesn't have to be a long, involved conversation. Just contact.
2) Ask what SHE has been doing.
3) Mention the following on a regular basis or insert into silences
A. I missed you
B. I have been thinking about you/ You have been on my mind
C. You are beautiful/pretty/cute/funny/wonderful
4) Bring up how you thought about something discussed previously or that something reminded you of her
5) Make eye contact
6) Touch her arm/neck/back/knee (keep it PG, perverts)
7) Kiss her or hug her just for the hell of it
8) Make plans a couple days or a week out to show a future. It says "See! I will still want to be with you in a week!" The plans could be simple, like coffee or watching a movie together. It is the time that matters.
9) Go out of your way every once and a while and you will be rewarded ten fold. Example: If she has had a really tough time at work offer to pick her up for lunch to get her mind off it or send flowers or a thoughtful card/email.
10) Just be present. When talking or in silence just be aware of her. No one wants to be an accessory.
If men did half of this a woman would never doubt his interest.
Sunday, January 6, 2013
People Do NOT Change
I am mad at the Principal, but really I can only be mad at myself. Following a Merry Christmas text the Principal did not contact me the rest of the week. My sister and brother-in-law were texting me non-stop asking if I had heard about the job yet. While I hadn't counted on hearing before the new year, I got a call Thursday. They loved me and felt like they hit the jackpot. I love being loved!!!
I wanted to wait until the Principal initiated contact before telling him. He should, after all, be pursuing me. By Saturday I was pissed. So what if he is Indiana? He couldn't take 5 seconds to text me? Man, he must be over the freaking moon to have another chance with me, right? Knocking down my door practically.
Stupid me texted him. And he congratulated me. And I said thanks. The end.
He ended up calling me later that night after drinking scotch with his dear old dad. My heart was in take off position but decided to stay on the tarmac after he went into a rant about his family's bickering. I listened, read part of my book, scanned Facebook, drank beer, anything that would keep me from going insane. After about a half hour I interrupted and went into what my family had fought about and my job offer. He asked a few questions, I thought the conversation was actually starting to take off... then, engine failure. Back to him.
In the days following I kept the contact up, knowing full well that I deserved to be strung up for such treason to myself. But the little part of me inside was begging, no starving for some attention knowing I would never be satisfied. New Year's Eve I gave up. He could contact me when and if he wanted to.
Julie and I decided to stay home, drink beer alone and occasionally text each other. Built a fire, drank way too much with the dogs and fell asleep on the couch. Julie came over the next night to watch me bake cookies and rant about her EX whom she failed to sever contact with. When I had irritated her enough with my opinions, she asked about the Principal.
"You text that asshole right now and ask if he's still fucking alive."
So I did, and he was. Just got back into town and was feeling sickly. I told him to feel better.
"You should have told him to go to hell..."
Nothing the next day. Which was Wednesday, my cut off day for asking me out for the weekend. Thursday he texted that he was dying and asked if I had any last requests. Ha. Ha ha. Some sex? That he would pull his head out of his ass? In the end I primly responded that if he was dying too quickly for medical care he probably didn't have time for last requests. He agreed. Then nothing more from me.
Friday night he left a voice mail at 8pm. Too late. I might be doing something at that time of night other than watching the Karate Kid series and Bruce Lee movies. I called him back and left a voice mail at 1pm the next day. He didn't feel the need to call me back until close to seven. I remember this. I hated this. Looking at my phone constantly. Waiting. Analyzing. Feeling like I just wasn't exciting enough for him to respond.
I answered this time and he whined about his cold, which he had not yet gone to the doctor for. As fun as this was to talk about I had promised Julie I would go to a bar with her to "hunt" for available men. I told the Principal what I needed to get in the shower for and got off the phone. But when I thought about it, the last place I wanted to go was a bar and listening to Julie talk to guys while I sat there with no one paying any attention to me thinking about how very unappealing I must be to the male species. Or worse yet, meeting someone who will inevitably ignore me or dump me via text like my most recent ex's.
So I texted Julie a rain check, took a shower and changed into more comfy sweats and read a romance novel. (Shut UP Chloe, they are healthier than crack!) I was enjoying myself, loving the patio fire when I got hit for the second time this week by the justice train. The Principal was just not that into me. In the three weeks since he has re-entered my life, but not me because I have a pox against any chance of ever getting laid again, my confidence and happiness has shrivelled. I have turned into that desperate 28 year old waiting by her phone just in case he decided I was worthy of his attention. Well, NO MORE. No more men, no more Principal, no more opportunities for people to walk all over me. I am a strong person who can take care of herself and a small horde of beasties.
Saturday 11:20pm Me: I am having a great revelation tonight. You are still not "that" interested in me and I should just stop worrying about it.
The next day: Nothing.
Sunday 9pm Me: I am interpreting you silence as agreement.
Still nothing. Seems like his vow to change his flaws and communicate better was extremely short lived.
I wanted to wait until the Principal initiated contact before telling him. He should, after all, be pursuing me. By Saturday I was pissed. So what if he is Indiana? He couldn't take 5 seconds to text me? Man, he must be over the freaking moon to have another chance with me, right? Knocking down my door practically.
Stupid me texted him. And he congratulated me. And I said thanks. The end.
He ended up calling me later that night after drinking scotch with his dear old dad. My heart was in take off position but decided to stay on the tarmac after he went into a rant about his family's bickering. I listened, read part of my book, scanned Facebook, drank beer, anything that would keep me from going insane. After about a half hour I interrupted and went into what my family had fought about and my job offer. He asked a few questions, I thought the conversation was actually starting to take off... then, engine failure. Back to him.
In the days following I kept the contact up, knowing full well that I deserved to be strung up for such treason to myself. But the little part of me inside was begging, no starving for some attention knowing I would never be satisfied. New Year's Eve I gave up. He could contact me when and if he wanted to.
Julie and I decided to stay home, drink beer alone and occasionally text each other. Built a fire, drank way too much with the dogs and fell asleep on the couch. Julie came over the next night to watch me bake cookies and rant about her EX whom she failed to sever contact with. When I had irritated her enough with my opinions, she asked about the Principal.
"You text that asshole right now and ask if he's still fucking alive."
So I did, and he was. Just got back into town and was feeling sickly. I told him to feel better.
"You should have told him to go to hell..."
Nothing the next day. Which was Wednesday, my cut off day for asking me out for the weekend. Thursday he texted that he was dying and asked if I had any last requests. Ha. Ha ha. Some sex? That he would pull his head out of his ass? In the end I primly responded that if he was dying too quickly for medical care he probably didn't have time for last requests. He agreed. Then nothing more from me.
Friday night he left a voice mail at 8pm. Too late. I might be doing something at that time of night other than watching the Karate Kid series and Bruce Lee movies. I called him back and left a voice mail at 1pm the next day. He didn't feel the need to call me back until close to seven. I remember this. I hated this. Looking at my phone constantly. Waiting. Analyzing. Feeling like I just wasn't exciting enough for him to respond.
I answered this time and he whined about his cold, which he had not yet gone to the doctor for. As fun as this was to talk about I had promised Julie I would go to a bar with her to "hunt" for available men. I told the Principal what I needed to get in the shower for and got off the phone. But when I thought about it, the last place I wanted to go was a bar and listening to Julie talk to guys while I sat there with no one paying any attention to me thinking about how very unappealing I must be to the male species. Or worse yet, meeting someone who will inevitably ignore me or dump me via text like my most recent ex's.
So I texted Julie a rain check, took a shower and changed into more comfy sweats and read a romance novel. (Shut UP Chloe, they are healthier than crack!) I was enjoying myself, loving the patio fire when I got hit for the second time this week by the justice train. The Principal was just not that into me. In the three weeks since he has re-entered my life, but not me because I have a pox against any chance of ever getting laid again, my confidence and happiness has shrivelled. I have turned into that desperate 28 year old waiting by her phone just in case he decided I was worthy of his attention. Well, NO MORE. No more men, no more Principal, no more opportunities for people to walk all over me. I am a strong person who can take care of herself and a small horde of beasties.
Saturday 11:20pm Me: I am having a great revelation tonight. You are still not "that" interested in me and I should just stop worrying about it.
The next day: Nothing.
Sunday 9pm Me: I am interpreting you silence as agreement.
Still nothing. Seems like his vow to change his flaws and communicate better was extremely short lived.
The Engineer Gets Weird
I had hoped the Engineer would just fade away but I am never that lucky. A few days after our date I was in Kohl's, the most horrible store on earth, trying to find a suitable pair of black dress pants to wear at my job interview. And I also needed a new bra, as the one I was wearing every day since I bought a year ago had elected to go rogue and was currently stabbing me in the rib. Shopping when you have to is painful.
Anyway, my phone starts buzzing and I see it's the Engineer calling. Sigh. I would call him back when I finally made it home and let him down that we are not a match. I listen to his voicemail while sifting through the 1.2 million bras messily arranged so no one would EVER find the right style and size. He was going on and on and ON about how he knew how much he liked me when we met at the bar and felt like he really connected to me on our date and had some great ideas for our next one but would rather discuss over the phone than by voice mail so if I could just please call him back? I hate to say this but I was a little freaked out.
I arrived home after spending too much money and way too much time, but a girl has to look good for an interview, right? I saw I had a text from the Engineer. It was another novella.
Engineer: I feel like I know you pretty well. You would have answered my call or text if you were interested in going on another date. I am disappointed, but I am a big boy and I understand the complexities of meshing to two lives. Kate, I respect you opinion... I would appreciate any advice you can give me on dating or how I may come across.... be honest...... I always want to better myself in any way I can. thx
This text made me unreasonably angry. First of all, he had called me little over an hour ago and he had no idea what my schedule is like or what I might be doing. The disappointed shtick? Ugh! We went out once!
Me: I just got home from shopping and have not had a chance to listen to my voice mails. I see you called at ten to 7, and I have not received any texts from you today. I'm sorry I did not respond to you more quickly.
That may have seemed nice when written down but I looked furious tapping it out. He responded quickly apologizing and still wanting to go out and asking what I bought. I bought "None of your fucking business!" I told him that dating is tough but he should really not assume the worst and wait to hear from someone. And because I am so nice/stupid I agreed to go out one more time where I would tell him thanks but no thanks.
The Engineer continued to send me long texts which he inserted his "talent" for story telling and I wanted to scratch out my eyes. The holidays came and went and the day loomed nigh that I would have to see him again. After the hell of Christmas, I needed time away from people. So I told him I had a cold. He asked if I really wanted to get together again. Scented my lie and called me out on it. I told him I hoped I would get better soon. The out of nowhere he sends this long text, in poem format about how he had doubted me and was so relieved I still wanted to see him and how now all that concerned him was my health. Gak! I chose not to respond.
Needless to say, he took this as it was intended and sent me another goodbye.
Engineer: Let's face it.... When I am single I go out too often, I drink too much and I forget how old I am. I usually worry about dating a girl I met in a bar. I don't want to date someone who drinks too much or too often. If I meet a good girl then they will think the same of me. Basically, it never works. I;m just about sure that is what happened here. If this was going to work we would have gone one a second date by now. I appreciate the time you have invested in this and if I see you out again I hope you will say hi. Thanks for everything.
What a freak show.
Me: OK.... I wish you well. Happy New Year.
But later that night my version of Kelly's justice police flared and I thought, what the hell.
Me: I have to tell you I've been put off by your ability to assume. you met me in a bar on the rare occasion that I went to one. I was not looking to date but liked you and your friends and took a chance. The holidays are stressful and time consuming therefore limiting communication. I felt like you were constantly looking for my rejection and, quite personally, I had not gotten to know you well enough to form an opinion on the matter. I really do wish you well and hope to see you out again but please do not assume you know what someone else is thinking or feeling.
Justice served until he came back with apologies and wanting to go out again. What the fuck is wrong with him? Oh, OK. I would love to go out with a needy, assuming bastard who's texts are longer than my hand. Sounds dandy. But wait, sorry I have already committed to sticking my head in the oven.
I did what I should have done in the beginning.
Me: Thank you, but no.
Anyway, my phone starts buzzing and I see it's the Engineer calling. Sigh. I would call him back when I finally made it home and let him down that we are not a match. I listen to his voicemail while sifting through the 1.2 million bras messily arranged so no one would EVER find the right style and size. He was going on and on and ON about how he knew how much he liked me when we met at the bar and felt like he really connected to me on our date and had some great ideas for our next one but would rather discuss over the phone than by voice mail so if I could just please call him back? I hate to say this but I was a little freaked out.
I arrived home after spending too much money and way too much time, but a girl has to look good for an interview, right? I saw I had a text from the Engineer. It was another novella.
Engineer: I feel like I know you pretty well. You would have answered my call or text if you were interested in going on another date. I am disappointed, but I am a big boy and I understand the complexities of meshing to two lives. Kate, I respect you opinion... I would appreciate any advice you can give me on dating or how I may come across.... be honest...... I always want to better myself in any way I can. thx
This text made me unreasonably angry. First of all, he had called me little over an hour ago and he had no idea what my schedule is like or what I might be doing. The disappointed shtick? Ugh! We went out once!
Me: I just got home from shopping and have not had a chance to listen to my voice mails. I see you called at ten to 7, and I have not received any texts from you today. I'm sorry I did not respond to you more quickly.
That may have seemed nice when written down but I looked furious tapping it out. He responded quickly apologizing and still wanting to go out and asking what I bought. I bought "None of your fucking business!" I told him that dating is tough but he should really not assume the worst and wait to hear from someone. And because I am so nice/stupid I agreed to go out one more time where I would tell him thanks but no thanks.
The Engineer continued to send me long texts which he inserted his "talent" for story telling and I wanted to scratch out my eyes. The holidays came and went and the day loomed nigh that I would have to see him again. After the hell of Christmas, I needed time away from people. So I told him I had a cold. He asked if I really wanted to get together again. Scented my lie and called me out on it. I told him I hoped I would get better soon. The out of nowhere he sends this long text, in poem format about how he had doubted me and was so relieved I still wanted to see him and how now all that concerned him was my health. Gak! I chose not to respond.
Needless to say, he took this as it was intended and sent me another goodbye.
Engineer: Let's face it.... When I am single I go out too often, I drink too much and I forget how old I am. I usually worry about dating a girl I met in a bar. I don't want to date someone who drinks too much or too often. If I meet a good girl then they will think the same of me. Basically, it never works. I;m just about sure that is what happened here. If this was going to work we would have gone one a second date by now. I appreciate the time you have invested in this and if I see you out again I hope you will say hi. Thanks for everything.
What a freak show.
Me: OK.... I wish you well. Happy New Year.
But later that night my version of Kelly's justice police flared and I thought, what the hell.
Me: I have to tell you I've been put off by your ability to assume. you met me in a bar on the rare occasion that I went to one. I was not looking to date but liked you and your friends and took a chance. The holidays are stressful and time consuming therefore limiting communication. I felt like you were constantly looking for my rejection and, quite personally, I had not gotten to know you well enough to form an opinion on the matter. I really do wish you well and hope to see you out again but please do not assume you know what someone else is thinking or feeling.
Justice served until he came back with apologies and wanting to go out again. What the fuck is wrong with him? Oh, OK. I would love to go out with a needy, assuming bastard who's texts are longer than my hand. Sounds dandy. But wait, sorry I have already committed to sticking my head in the oven.
I did what I should have done in the beginning.
Me: Thank you, but no.
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
2nd Second Date and So On with the Principal
The Principal invites me to dinner at a nice restaurant in Phoenix for our second date, the 2nd time around. I'm a bit nervous for several reasons. First, I don't know if I want to give this another try. People can't really change and we didn't work the first time. Second, it is raining, making it prime sit on my patio reading a book time. Third, he had mentioned wanting to kiss me when we talked on the phone and I wonder if there will be any spark there...
Well, the restaurant was very hip. Delicious food- he paid. The Principal was so cheery. Conversation was a great back and forth. I talked about my upcoming trip to Denver for the final interview of a job I now really wanted. He talked about his travels for work. We were having such a nice time we went back to Rosie's across the street for another drink. I was really enjoying myself! I was reminded of all the good times we had when we were getting to know one another, only this time we were able to have a blast after all the crap we'd gone through!
He drove me back to my car and we sat in his chatting for a while. He leaned over "I'm going to kiss you now" and I let him. We made out in a very PG fashion for several minutes, his hand in my hair, my hand about his waste. It was pleasant. I did not have the urge to jump his bones. I did not get all tingly. I think my hormones are broken.
We texted a little through out the weekend, but I was already starting to feel that nagging in the back of my brain. I kept thinking I should hear something more. He should tell me how he feels, or that he enjoyed being with me. In the end I asked, because I wanted to know. Like I always have. Like I will probably always have to if I continue seeing the Principal... He responded that "it felt good, felt right."
Throughout the week I would get a text now and then. I can almost time when they will come in. That is how well I remember his lax communication style and it is making me want to pull out my hair again.
We agree to get sushi Friday night, a week since our last date. Eager to see me, the Principal has never been. As I drive north to meet him I consider the contrast between Work Guy and the Principal. Polar opposites who both gave me anxiety attacks. This one too little communication, the other wants to know what I am thinking right after I thought it. One ca wait a week or two to see me, the other couldn't understand why I didn't want to be with him every night.
The Principal has a nice place, very grown up and well decorated. he showed me paintings and souvenirs he'd collected on his travels abroad for work. I was floating along fairly numb trying to get a feel for him and what the hell we are attempting by spending time together.
The sushi place was a whole in the wall with great rolls and terrible customer service. After being seated, the Princpal went into a monologue about his work. There had been some gossip that the guy he worked with in South Africa wanted the Principal to replace the current retiring supply chain manager. Naturally, this was all talk. There hasn't even been a job posting. It would be a major step up for him. Spend two years in South Africa and have the opportunity to run a much larger portion of the world's supply chain. He wouldn't get excited about it until it was verbally discussed with him by his boss.
I sat there drinking my beer, eating my sushi, and plotting his death. had we driven separately to the restaurant I probably would have stood up and walked out. Instead I sat there and allowed him to dig his own grave. Back at his house he continued to talk, trying to entertain me with his stories but I wasn't in the mood. I wasn't involved in anything he had to say therefore I ceased to give a fuck. Did he ask my opinion or input? No. They never do. Women serve one purpose for men = SEX. And since I wasn't going to get any of that ever again in my life I decided to go home.
The Principal kissed me, we embraced. Lovely really. It never reached my nether regions, which after over a year of deprivation you would think it would get heated up over some light making out..... Sigh. I am broken.
I walked out the door, turned around and told the already closing door Merry Christmas. Said door opens and Principal comes back for some kissing. Pivotal moment. He could have said something like "I will miss you when I'm away" or "You're beautiful" or "Stay". But no. He went back inside and shut the door again.
The next day I embarked on my Christmas shopping and kept thinking over and over again about him moving. Again. How could he sit right in front of me talking about something like that, never considering how low it would make me feel? Yet again, he is in the position to make me feel like an accessory. Not worthy of, I don't know, staying in one place long enough to love me? Does he think I will actually spend time with him if he's up for moving again?
I stewed for a bit, texted Julie about it, and finally decided to call he Principal. We chit chatted a bit before I got to the reason I called.
"So, I need to talk to you about the whole South Africa job possibility..."
"Yeah, I thought you might. It really isn't much more than a rumor at this point. I should know more next month."
"I understand that, but if taking an opportunity like this is something you would be excited about or consider then it is possible something else could materialize in 6 months or a year. If you would be willing to pursue moving again I don't want to continue seeing each other." There.
"I wouldn't ever want to put you in that position again. Let's just have fun and see where this is going. Priorities change. Right now I am single, no kids or animals so moving is easy for me. But 6 months from now who knows?"
"I understand that."
But what I really wanted to say was:
"Fuck you. So, let me get this straight. If I make you want me enough then you will change your priorities? You're a 37 year old man who has never been married, has no kids and you would consider moving to South Africa because you have nothing better going on in your life than a job? What is the matter with you? You'll never have those things if you don't make a fucking effort! So let's lay this all out on the table. Do you see a future with me at all? And if so, why the hell would you think moving again would be acceptable to talk about?"
Of course I didn't say any of that.
The Principal said he would call me the next day. He didn't.
Three days later I got a Merry Christmas text and I wanted to scream, but all the air has gone out.
Well, the restaurant was very hip. Delicious food- he paid. The Principal was so cheery. Conversation was a great back and forth. I talked about my upcoming trip to Denver for the final interview of a job I now really wanted. He talked about his travels for work. We were having such a nice time we went back to Rosie's across the street for another drink. I was really enjoying myself! I was reminded of all the good times we had when we were getting to know one another, only this time we were able to have a blast after all the crap we'd gone through!
He drove me back to my car and we sat in his chatting for a while. He leaned over "I'm going to kiss you now" and I let him. We made out in a very PG fashion for several minutes, his hand in my hair, my hand about his waste. It was pleasant. I did not have the urge to jump his bones. I did not get all tingly. I think my hormones are broken.
We texted a little through out the weekend, but I was already starting to feel that nagging in the back of my brain. I kept thinking I should hear something more. He should tell me how he feels, or that he enjoyed being with me. In the end I asked, because I wanted to know. Like I always have. Like I will probably always have to if I continue seeing the Principal... He responded that "it felt good, felt right."
Throughout the week I would get a text now and then. I can almost time when they will come in. That is how well I remember his lax communication style and it is making me want to pull out my hair again.
We agree to get sushi Friday night, a week since our last date. Eager to see me, the Principal has never been. As I drive north to meet him I consider the contrast between Work Guy and the Principal. Polar opposites who both gave me anxiety attacks. This one too little communication, the other wants to know what I am thinking right after I thought it. One ca wait a week or two to see me, the other couldn't understand why I didn't want to be with him every night.
The Principal has a nice place, very grown up and well decorated. he showed me paintings and souvenirs he'd collected on his travels abroad for work. I was floating along fairly numb trying to get a feel for him and what the hell we are attempting by spending time together.
The sushi place was a whole in the wall with great rolls and terrible customer service. After being seated, the Princpal went into a monologue about his work. There had been some gossip that the guy he worked with in South Africa wanted the Principal to replace the current retiring supply chain manager. Naturally, this was all talk. There hasn't even been a job posting. It would be a major step up for him. Spend two years in South Africa and have the opportunity to run a much larger portion of the world's supply chain. He wouldn't get excited about it until it was verbally discussed with him by his boss.
I sat there drinking my beer, eating my sushi, and plotting his death. had we driven separately to the restaurant I probably would have stood up and walked out. Instead I sat there and allowed him to dig his own grave. Back at his house he continued to talk, trying to entertain me with his stories but I wasn't in the mood. I wasn't involved in anything he had to say therefore I ceased to give a fuck. Did he ask my opinion or input? No. They never do. Women serve one purpose for men = SEX. And since I wasn't going to get any of that ever again in my life I decided to go home.
The Principal kissed me, we embraced. Lovely really. It never reached my nether regions, which after over a year of deprivation you would think it would get heated up over some light making out..... Sigh. I am broken.
I walked out the door, turned around and told the already closing door Merry Christmas. Said door opens and Principal comes back for some kissing. Pivotal moment. He could have said something like "I will miss you when I'm away" or "You're beautiful" or "Stay". But no. He went back inside and shut the door again.
The next day I embarked on my Christmas shopping and kept thinking over and over again about him moving. Again. How could he sit right in front of me talking about something like that, never considering how low it would make me feel? Yet again, he is in the position to make me feel like an accessory. Not worthy of, I don't know, staying in one place long enough to love me? Does he think I will actually spend time with him if he's up for moving again?
I stewed for a bit, texted Julie about it, and finally decided to call he Principal. We chit chatted a bit before I got to the reason I called.
"So, I need to talk to you about the whole South Africa job possibility..."
"Yeah, I thought you might. It really isn't much more than a rumor at this point. I should know more next month."
"I understand that, but if taking an opportunity like this is something you would be excited about or consider then it is possible something else could materialize in 6 months or a year. If you would be willing to pursue moving again I don't want to continue seeing each other." There.
"I wouldn't ever want to put you in that position again. Let's just have fun and see where this is going. Priorities change. Right now I am single, no kids or animals so moving is easy for me. But 6 months from now who knows?"
"I understand that."
But what I really wanted to say was:
"Fuck you. So, let me get this straight. If I make you want me enough then you will change your priorities? You're a 37 year old man who has never been married, has no kids and you would consider moving to South Africa because you have nothing better going on in your life than a job? What is the matter with you? You'll never have those things if you don't make a fucking effort! So let's lay this all out on the table. Do you see a future with me at all? And if so, why the hell would you think moving again would be acceptable to talk about?"
Of course I didn't say any of that.
The Principal said he would call me the next day. He didn't.
Three days later I got a Merry Christmas text and I wanted to scream, but all the air has gone out.
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