2nd Second Date and So On with the Principal

The Principal invites me to dinner at a nice restaurant in Phoenix for our second date, the 2nd time around.  I'm a bit nervous for several reasons.  First, I don't know if I want to give this another try.  People can't really change and we didn't work the first time.  Second, it is raining, making it prime sit on my patio reading a book time.  Third, he had mentioned wanting to kiss me when we talked on the phone and I wonder if there will be any spark there...

Well, the restaurant was very hip.  Delicious food- he paid.  The Principal was so cheery.  Conversation was a great back and forth.  I talked about my upcoming trip to Denver for the final interview of a job I now really wanted.  He talked about his travels for work.  We were having such a nice time we went back to Rosie's across the street for another drink.  I was really enjoying myself!  I was reminded of all the good times we had when we were getting to know one another, only this time we were able to have a blast after all the crap we'd gone through!

He drove me back to my car and we sat in his chatting for a while.  He leaned over "I'm going to kiss you now" and I let him.  We made out in a very PG fashion for several minutes, his hand in my hair, my hand about his waste.  It was pleasant.  I did not have the urge to jump his bones.  I did not get all tingly.  I think my hormones are broken.

We texted a little through out the weekend, but I was already starting to feel that nagging in the back of my brain.  I kept thinking I should hear something more.  He should tell me how he feels, or that he enjoyed being with me.  In the end I asked, because I wanted to know.  Like I always have.  Like I will probably always have to if I continue seeing the Principal...  He responded that "it felt good, felt right."

Throughout the week I would get a text now and then.  I can almost time when they will come in.  That is how well I remember his lax communication style and it is making me want to pull out my hair again.

We agree to get sushi Friday night, a week since our last date.  Eager to see me, the Principal has never been.  As I drive north to meet him I consider the contrast between Work Guy and the Principal.  Polar opposites who both gave me anxiety attacks.  This one too little communication, the other wants to know what I am thinking right after I thought it.  One ca wait a week or two to see me, the other couldn't understand why I didn't want to be with him every night. 

The Principal has a nice place, very grown up and well decorated.  he showed me paintings and souvenirs he'd collected on his travels abroad for work.  I was floating along fairly numb trying to get a feel for him and what the hell we are attempting by spending time together.

The sushi place was a whole in the wall with great rolls and terrible customer service.  After being seated, the Princpal went into a monologue about his work.  There had been some gossip that the guy he worked with in South Africa wanted the Principal to replace the current retiring supply chain manager.  Naturally, this was all talk.  There hasn't even been a job posting.  It would be a major step up for him.  Spend two years in South Africa and have the opportunity to run a much larger portion of the world's supply chain.  He wouldn't get excited about it until it was verbally discussed with him by his boss.

I sat there drinking my beer, eating my sushi, and plotting his death.  had we driven separately to the restaurant I probably would have stood up and walked out.  Instead I sat there and allowed him to dig his own grave.  Back at his house he continued to talk, trying to entertain me with his stories but I wasn't in the mood.  I wasn't involved in anything he had to say therefore I ceased to give a fuck.  Did he ask my opinion or input?  No.  They never do.  Women serve one purpose for men = SEX.  And since I wasn't going to get any of that ever again in my life I decided to go home.

The Principal kissed me, we embraced.  Lovely really.  It never reached my nether regions, which after over a year of deprivation you would think it would get heated up over some light making out.....  Sigh.  I am broken.

I walked out the door, turned around and told the already closing door Merry Christmas.  Said door opens and Principal comes back for some kissing.  Pivotal moment.  He could have said something like "I will miss you when I'm away" or "You're beautiful" or "Stay".  But no.  He went back inside and shut the door again. 

The next day I embarked on my Christmas shopping and kept thinking over and over again about him moving.  Again.  How could he sit right in front of me talking about something like that, never considering how low it would make me feel?  Yet again, he is in the position to make me feel like an accessory.  Not worthy of, I don't know, staying in one place long enough to love me?  Does he think I will actually spend time with him if he's up for moving again?

I stewed for a bit, texted Julie about it, and finally decided to call he Principal.  We chit chatted a bit before I got to the reason I called. 

"So, I need to talk to you about the whole South Africa job possibility..."

"Yeah, I thought you might.  It really isn't much more than a rumor at this point.  I should know more next month."

"I understand that, but if taking an opportunity like this is something you would be excited about or consider then it is possible something else could materialize in 6 months or a year.  If you would be willing to pursue moving again I don't want to continue seeing each other."  There.

"I wouldn't ever want to put you in that position again.  Let's just have fun and see where this is going.  Priorities change.  Right now I am single, no kids or animals so moving is easy for me.  But 6 months from now who knows?"

"I understand that." 

But what I really wanted to say was:
"Fuck you.  So, let me get this straight.  If I make you want me enough then you will change your priorities?  You're a 37 year old man who has never been married, has no kids and you would consider moving to South Africa because you have nothing better going on in your life than a job?  What is the matter with you?  You'll never have those things if you don't make a fucking effort!  So let's lay this all out on the table.  Do you see a future with me at all?  And if so, why the hell would you think moving again would be acceptable to talk about?"

Of course I didn't say any of that. 

The Principal said he would call me the next day.  He didn't. 
Three days later I got a Merry Christmas text and I wanted to scream, but all the air has gone out.