Blast from the past

Every couple of years I reconnect with a guy who hung around my group of friends in high school. He had always been mean to me, like most of the assholes I grew up with. But at the same time, gave me a ride home from school everyday and made sure I had a ride at parties. The nice gesture was accompanied by his pulling my hair out of a ponytail because it looked better down or yelling at me for being an opinionated bitch or me yelling at him for breaking up with one of my friends.

At nineteen, on New Year's Eve I was drunk. I was thin and cute and was full of myself. Couple lines of coke later I realized I had been abandoned by my ride and there he was again, mocking me but offering a ride. He tried to convince me to come home with him. He didn't mind stopping to get condoms, haha. No thanks, dude. Parked in front of my parents house, all lit up from the still hanging multi-colored Christmas lights he asked again. Ah, what the hell. I went home with him. Remember making out on the floor and fairly aggressive sex, but other than that it was a blur. I woke up the next morning with a New Year's resolution that I was never going to do that again.

When he dropped me back at my parents house he asked for my phone number. I looked at him completely puzzled and asked why... So he could call me, of course. Still, I didn't get it. We were both young and drunk and stupid. It wasn't as if we actually liked each other. And he didn't have to put on this show for me. I get it. One night thing and done. I was good with it. (remember, I was young and dumb.) He called a couple times but I ignored him.

A couple years later we would run into each other at a party or when I went back to CG. He was in a relationship with a chick we'd gone to high school with who had never liked me, so there weren't too many times I heard from him. A message here and there on MySpace, then Facebook that we should grab lunch when he was in my area for work. About 4 years ago he had a daughter, but never married.

Two years ago, at the beginning of The Principal, BP asked if I wanted to get a drink after work to catch up. The Principal and I weren't serious, I wasn't sure we ever would be, and this was an old friend who I had more experience with as a friend than a lover so I didn't think it was a bad move. Just catching up. I even told The Principal about it. He never even asked how it went.

We met at a bar close to my house and had a couple beers. It was very platonic. He told me about his ex and their daughter, his work and life. I told him about my search for a job and the excitement of buying my house. He gave me a hug and I figured I'd see him again in another couple years.

BP asked if I wanted to meet up again about a week later for dinner while he was in town staying at his brother's place. Okay.... I told The Principal again, not that he cared. Again, not so quick on the uptake, I figured this guy doesn't get out much with a busy work schedule and a kid. He didn't show much interest in me last time so we were just old friends hanging out.

Romantic Italian place with a piano really didn't match my Chucks, but I wore a nice sweater I guess. I was getting nervous that I had read him all wrong, but still he was nonchalant about everything. We went to a bar and had a few drinks. I drove him back to his brother's. I parked, reached in the back to get left overs, and he tried to move in. I assumed we were car hugging good night so I laughed and reached over. Then he kissed me.

The nonchalance was gone. He was all going all out with this teenage front seat of the car making out. Inside my head was a war. I had been dating The Principal, but he wasn't acting like I was his girlfriend or calling me or even making out with me like this. Things weren't so serious that I should feel bad about dating another guy. On the other hand, what the hell was I doing with this dude's tongue in my mouth?

He moved into the back of my SUV and hauled me over the seat like a cave man. It shouldn't have been hot, but it was.

There we were, going at it like a couple of hormone induced children in the furry back end of my car. Feeling each other up, biting necks, losing our shirts.... I tried to break the mood by telling him we needed to stop. I am seeing someone else and this really wasn't right. His response was "Then why is your hand on my cock." Oops.

At long last, I got my control together and got him out of my car. I drove away feeling guilty and re-evaluating whether or not I should be dating The Principal. Should have stuck with that plan, I know.

BP kept calling me, talking about what he likes to cook, what he does to entertain his daughter. BP told me about this car show his neighborhood does, complete with BBQ and how I should come over next week for it. I felt like he was interested in me. I started to think I would rather date him than The Principal. Then the communication faded away and The Principal and I escalated.

I figured BP reunited with his baby momma and I went back in the friend bin, which was to be expected. I didn't hear from his until the following Christmas when I was dealing with The Principal and Work Guy. I was just too busy to be his friend again.

Right before Work Guy shattered my soul, BP Facebooked me that we should get a drink sometime. I responded that I have a boyfriend and we'd be more than happy to have a drink with him. It never panned out, obviously.

Weekend of Halloween, I met BP to pick out his costume. He'd lost weight and a bit of his hair, but still a good looking guy. I was a little nervous he would think I was fat... Oh to look like a teenager again! No wrinkles or body at all!

It was a fun outing where he chose a biker costume I picked out. Since he had a few hours before his party we decided to get a drink. I had a Margarita and a few beers which equals drunk Kate as I cannot hold my tequila. but it was platonic and I didn't worry. I drove over to Mel's house afterward and drank much more telling her my dating life story. She was gleeful to finally see me so unreserved.

BP and I texted mundane things. We met for a drink the following weekend when I was in CG. Platonic. Same amount of pointless texting. Platonic. Asked if I wanted to see his new house the following weekend. Sure, this is platonic, right?

I showed up at his house and he had been drinking most of the day (his only day off.) His friend was there too to see the new house. We all chatted easily, then BP stands behind me takes me in his arms and says to his friend "Isn't she beautiful?" Mind you I had just finished cleaning offices and was wearing baggy jeans and a ripped up ASU sweatshirt...

His friend departed soon after and I was left with drunk BP. He told me all about the antiques he'd acquired, how his mom loved decorating his house, how he planned to get a bigger TV. He joked around and said, "Now, when we get married you can do whatever you want with that" or some such drivel. I rolled my eyes. Apparently, at my age men think foreplay includes talking about marriage when that is the furthest thing from their minds.

He went on to say how he would move the current TV into his room. I decided to joke too. I said "Well, when we get married there will be no TV in the bedroom. I don't believe in it." I expected him to laugh like I had. Instead he turned around and pinned me to the wall in a full-tilt lip lock. We kissed passionately for a little while until I broke it up.

Sitting outside I explained what I'm looking for. I don't just want to make out with a guy anymore because it's fun. I'm no long that 19year old girl sitting in front of her parents house and decides to have sex with a guy for the hell of it. I am no longer young and dumb and stupid. i want a man who wants to love me, marry me, travel with me overseas to see all the things I've been too busy to see and eventually have babies with me. He said he was looking for someone who would love him and his daughter, who would be happy to see him when he got home.

Yes, I ended up having freakish circus sex with him. Why do men think they have to put you in every damn position in one bout of intercourse? It is just a waste. I ended up so sore I couldn't walk for days. He also bit my neck so hard I had bruises. Worst of all, he wanted me to stay the night. Sleep with him. Cuddle. Screw that.

I ran away, as I like to do after making bad decisions with men who think sugarcoating it with cuddling makes it all better. Again, I felt like I could wait a few years to see him again. I knew my body couldn't withstand another evening of torturous sex that made me miss my ex's more gentle approach.